***The thoughts and prayers of the "Sugden to Jordan" team are with the family of former
Roman baseball player Bob Spinks ('05), who passed away Dec. 9.***

. . . As we await the guys' report on the CL final, which is being eyeballed by every member of Roman's
administration (smile), we'll amuse you with this card of Brian from his football glory days.

MARCH 5
HIGH SCHOOL CYO CHAMPIONSHIP
St. Christopher 70, St. Matthew 69
   I know what you're thinking, "It's about time he did a report on a high school CYO game." Oh, you're not thinking that? Well too bad I'm doing one anyway. It all started when I checked my messages after 12 o'clock mass at St. Christopher. By the way it was a beautiful homily. I had a message from the man himself. George Bush? No! Bob Saggett? No! It was St. Christopher star SG Sean "JJ" Young; he wanted me to come out of retirement for the championship game later that night. I pondered this decision for a while and then realized that if I came back I would have to wait another 5 years to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I then called JJ back on his t mobile phone and yelled, "Where you at?" He replied, "Watching 'The Notebook' with my girlfriend." I then told him I would not make a comeback, but I will be in attendance. He then replied, "Okay, I got to go. This is the good part," and hung up. I arrived at the gym around 10 minutes early. I had a lot of confidence in St. Chris and was looking for someone to make a friendly wager with. I found someone to take my bet. It was that famous scorekeeper and closet St. Chris lover, "Cecil." Now I bet a solid 20 packs of bubbalicious so I was hoping St. Chris would answer the call. And they did. The game started off going back and forth but the big story was that JJ had 11 of the first 13 St. Chris points. At half the game was tighter than Gavin Keirans' Boyle baseball shirt now that he has muscles. After halftime St. Chris built up a 16 point lead with précis shooting from Kyle "Wildman" Atkinson, prolific ball handling from Joe "Paco" DeCree, and shot blocking from Tom "Sean Bradley" Clark. St. Matt's fouled out 4 of their players. Matt's fans got a little wild when Gil Brooks' prodigy, Ryan "The Enforcer" Bradley, fouled out on a questionable call. Despite the many foul problems  St. Matt's crawled back from the 16-point deficit with great hustle from Matt "Matt-Rod" Rodriguez, and great 3-point shooting from Mike Lynch and Jim "Hey mom my knee hurts" Ewing. Ewing led the comeback by going on fire. I am not talking about his hair either; in fact I believe that his hair is more of a strawberry blonde. With 7 seconds left in the game Tom Clark hit a crucial foul shot to take the lead. St. Matthew then looked for "Flava Flav" to hit a buzzard beater, but he was unavailable so they lost. Chevrolet Players of the game are JJ Young and Jim Ewing, who both had around 20 points each. They will both be receiving a DVD of Brokeback Mountain. Why? I have no idea.

FEB. 10
CATHOLIC SOUTH
Roman -- a lot, K-K -- good effort.
   The Make A Wish Foundation charity basketball game was held at Roman Catholic today. The Roman Catholic Basketball team, out of the kindness of their hearts, played a bunch of local children who called themselves Kennedy-Kenrick. The activities included a dunk contest, a dribbling and passing clinic, a big-'un girl yelling at me, and a sumo wrestling match between Mark "watch out for the big girl" Reeves and Arlen "Ruben Studard" Carnard. The dunk contest was won by Bradley "This one's for Brian" Wanamaker who left 2 pair of Fruit of the Looms on KK players' heads. The sumo wrestling match was won by my favorite basketball player of all time Ruben Studard. He is hands down MVP of the Southern Division in my book. Now I know what you're thinking, if this is a charity game, why did Roman win by so much? Roman planned on taking it easy but Roman RB Sean Woods told PG Raymond Sims that if they didn't cover the 21-point spread that Raymond would no longer be Sean's Valentine. Raymond really wanted the chocolate Hershey kiss that Sean promised him, so he told everyone to try a little. Raymond had a career and game-high 22 points. Because he did so well he will be receiving a dozen roses compliments of Sean. The real star of the night was Sean "Wolverine Killer" Joynes, who scored 13 points in the fourth quarter alone. Mike Ringgold added senior leadership by telling all the KK players that they were sweet. Roman controlled the entire game with ease, never worrying about the other team. Despite getting crushed the entire game, KK players had their  girlfriends cheer for them until the last whistle. The game got ugly quick and during a time out in the first quarter I think I heard an assistant coach from KK tell everyone to make a run for it. No one ran, but maybe they should have. Sound effects were once again compliments of Rockeed "Smiles" McCarter who added uhh ahh uggh and of course rrrrr to the game. He did smile so hard that he missed a foul shot but hey it's not like it mattered anyway.

JAN. 29
CATHOLIC SOUTH
Roman 60, Neumann-Goretti 55
   Sorry for the delay. OK, so here's the thing. Ted is getting very upset that everyone is reading our reports instead of his and he is taking it out on us by making us right a new report, a less humorous report, so please read his report before ours so we can continue writing in our original manner.
   OK, so it all started at the airport. We were taking a trip to Kinda Italy West, a k a South Philly, to see Roman clinch 1st place in the South and an automatic bid to the championship. Our flight was very nice, they gave us an extra pack of peanuts each and Brian even got a female pilot's phone number. We arrived at the airport and where greeted very kindly by the N-G student section; sadly that was  the last we would see of them. We arrived at the gym just in time to get a pre-game interview with Roman coach Dennis Seddon. We asked him what the game plan coming into this game would be and he exclaimed "Look, guys, isn't my sweater the coolest!" Next we asked the importance of this game and he replied "Well, see, I wanted to wear this sweater to possibly replace Mr. Rogers on his cool TV show." And that's all the inspiration Roman needed. Once the game started we were shocked to see that Antonio Jardine was wearing Prep PG Matt Griffin's cool wristband. Pooper Scooper tried to cover it up by writing on it with Crayola washable marker but he could not fool us. We asked PS if Matt gave it to him but all he said was talk to his lawyer. We were told that all the N-G players slept over DJ Rivera's house and painted each other's nails; after they dried they had a pillow fight and got ready for bed. They should've gone to bed earlier.

JAN. 27
CATHOLIC NORTH
Ryan 4, Judge 1
   I might possibly have seen the best game ever!  Full of great passes and alley-oop dunks. Then I went to the Ryan-Judge game and was lost. Now I realize that I am used to Southern Division basketball, which is a lot better than Northern Division, but still can you at least have a field goal in the 1st quarter? Judge seemed to be lacking two key ingredients, talent and Matt "The Irish Invasion" Smyth. Now the rumors are true I was in the Ryan cheering section, and I was wearing a "Tribe" T-shirt. I did this because it was the birthday of my good friend and co-leader of the Tribe, Sr. Kevin Rogers. Now we started off the night playing pin the tail on the donkey and when Bozo the clown never showed up we decided to go to the game instead. The Tribe leaders asked me to please help them out, and possibly get them somewhere close to The Broad Street (oh, yeah, can't say the name or some old guy who used to play hockey will sue me cause no one remembers him.) Now the Tribe still cannot compare to Roman but not many fans can. The game was not nearly as entertaining as a clown would have been, but what are you going to do? It was Keith Van Horn Look-a-Like Night for Judge, whose players looked so cool wearing their high socks. Judge was ledd by Jr. Mike Lynch, who had a solid game scoring most of judge's points. 45-year-old Sr. Arthur Livingston could not do anything and will announce his retirement at the end of the season. He was D'd up most of the night by Sr. Kevin "I'm 6'8 and don't dunk when I am two feet away from the basket, but that's okay because Sugden to Jordan's feelings where hurt when the Hawk Talk kids said that their nicknames where far too long so they probably won't give me a nickname at all" Hudgeons as well as Sr. Greg "G-Will" Williams.  Ryan, like Judge, had a bad shooting night possibly due to lack of time for Sr. Doug Andrews, who displays a very nice shot. This game was just all together bad. Really nothing exciting happened. Ryan's PF Sr. Jon Bruce and Judge's Jr. Mike Lynch are the Pontiac Players of the Game. They will be receiving their complimentary T-shirts and wristbands in the mail sometime this week. I am guessing this game will not be the same as the next game I will be going to (Roman vs. Neumann) but I am just going out on a limb there.
   People in the stands: Former star North Catholic SG John Regan, Ryan Girls Junior Varsity SG. Fr. Maggie "I think I shoot better then Bobby" Jordan (both family members and proud supporters of my writing career), Prep rugby star Sr. Gavin "Diesel" Keirans and St. Chris CYO All-American "JJ" Young.

JAN. 21
CATHOLIC SOUTH
Roman 48, SJ Prep 40
   Normally we would be very happy that we beat the Prep, however in this case we were embarrassed. First of all this is not the championship! Why did the kids rush the court? We don’t know but we were told that after the horn sounded, Coach Dennis Seddon yelled, “Last one on the court is a rotten egg!” Maybe that’s the reason. Our apologies to Charlie Noonan. We really didn’t think the tough kid with the shirt-sleeve around his head would actually go that far to mess with you. Where did he come from? Probably from the Smurfs, but........no one knows where that is....8(. We were annoyed as well, plus Dan doesn’t want you to rip off his head and take his neck, in replace of your missing one. Pre-game thanks go out to none other than The Living Legend Speedy Morris, who came up to us before the game and said, “You guys are the best fans in the city!” He really inspired us and we wish you were still with us. We were also inspired by Ted, who secretly sat with us outside the stage, even though he didn’t mention DAN in his article. For this he lost 2 cool points, because of that, the current total now is Sugden to Jordan with 162,928 cool points, Kyle Sweeney 7 cool points, and Ted with minus-5 cool points. Hopefully he won’t take this out of the article. Kyle Sweeney received his 7 cool points at the Manager of The Year award assembly at Prep. His mommy put a princess crown on him. It look 7 points worth of cute. As for the game the Rock was in the building. Rockeed “Paul Wall, Grill Baby” McCarter had a game high 12 points. Not only did he have 12 points but he added his own human grunt sound track, featuring “Uhhhh” whenever he got a rebound, and “Ahhh” when he would go for the layup, and let's not forget about the compelling “Gehhhh” whenever he sat down. He was really in tune. Reggie Redding asked Dan (Former Teammates and Play Date Partners) not to make fun of him, so Brian will instead. Well other then the fact that Reggie had the coolest headband anyone could ever wear backwards, he had a Roman Catholic Night from the foul line, missing his first 6 FT’s and ending with a 2 for 9 night. That little segment will not affect Reggie and Brian’s “MySpace” friendship; they will continue to leave messages and comments and post bulletins. After Reggie kept elbowing peoples grills, Rockeed stressed to Reggie the importance of a grill and how a grill can make or break a relationship. A positive for Prep was Matt “My brother looks like Pee Wee Herman” Griffin. He played very well, especially with his cool armband. Prep seemed stressed out all game long as they continued to get out-muscled. Roman led by 16 with about 1:30 left in the game, so the scrubs came off the bench. The Prep scrubs didn’t get the memo that the game was over. It was kind of like at the Olympics when that guy doggie paddled the entire swimming pool and everyone felt so bad that they cheered. Yeah, it was kind of like that. Anyway the good guys won in the end, putting us in the drivers seat for 1st place in the Catholic League; we're just assuming that we're better than the North already.
  Game Notes: Special Thanks to our baby sitters, Mr. Brennan (Lacrosse Coach and my Math Consigliere), Mr. Tremoglie (Baseball Coach and People’s Magazine Sexiest Man of the Year Runner-Up), Mr. Conroy (All-Around Scary Guy) and Mr. Sabatino(Hockey Expert), his goatee couldn't make it. Faces in The Crowd: RJ and Mikey Mike asked to be in the Game Notes, I hate you both. Our biggest fans Brendan Sickel and TK “Of the Prep”. Next game is against West Catholic, Friday at 3:30PM; so bring your mothers to the game and then attend the Roman Catholic Mother-Son Dance that night. Also the Roman Fan Section will be known as the "The Bullies of Broad Street" for now on, due to legal problems.

JAN. 11
NON-LEAGUE
Episcopal 49, Roman 48
   Our apologies for this game report being so late, but we were busy trying to show our team how to shoot foul shots. Roman shot a pathetic 4-20 from the line basically giving the game to Episcopal. That’s what you get when you make fun of the other team's coach. To make matters even worse, female fans from Episcopal were cursing at us all game long (but one was a hottie -- I tried to get the seven digits, almost wound up with the middle digit). I guess all that money towards tuition doesn't go to teach people manners. We were so shocked we almost forgot about that really cool kid with his backwards hat and he looks at himself in the mirror every morning and tells himself how cool he is. These Churchmen/women were like school in Summa Time....no class. Anyway as for the game Roman played their worst game of the season. In fact, the only players who really did play good for Roman were Jr. Brian "I shoot like Aaron McKie" Wanamaker and Sr. Lonnie Perry. Brian played great defense on Sr. Wayne "why does everyone like Gerald better" Elington. Lonnie basically was an absolute beast playing his heart out. He was the only consistent thing Roman saw all night long. Sr. Gerald "Why did I have to be in Hey Arnold" Henderson basically did nothing and wound up fouling out. Sr. Mike "Napolean Dynamite" Yocum had the game of his life. Sr. Mike “I meant to miss that” Ringgold would normally dominate Yocum but Mike said, “He was too soft and I ain't got time for that nonsense homey. Besides the boy from that mentally disabled awareness movie."  There is really nothing we can say about this as it was an ugly game for both teams. Our celebrity officiating crew didn't help much either. Carl Winslow was so mad that Family Matters got canceled, so he took it out on us. The sponsor for Rogaine was so mad we knew his hair was phony! Mr. Cl-zzz-ean just didn't like us at all. The officials were equally terrible both ways so we are not going to complain about it. Basically we were more disappointed in this game than when Ted takes stuff out of our column. Which by the way is not cool. You don’t see us taking your corny jokes out of your column, so why take out our corny jokes?! The student section was pretty good, I mean we were pretty intimidated when we saw Drexel Head Coach Bruiser "I love Bobby Jordan" Flint. Bruiser is an Episcopal graduate and disappointed all of us when we found out he was cheering for them.
   Game Notes: Paying high tuition to a school isn’t worth it if they're not going to teach manners. Tom Mulligan was there, Dan and I wanted to go say hi to him and then drag him into my trunk but it never went through. Episcopal also has the most loyal fans, it was great too finally hear them in the final 2 minutes of the game. Faces in the Crowd: DJ “I Rock My Initials like I Rock my Kid to Sleep” Rivera, My Bro Bro Tommy his last name is Sugden too . . . There were a few other people but these were the only notable ones.
   Anyway, we are going to move on, next game is against Kennedy-Kenrick, we will not do a game report on that unless Roman plays their freshman team to make it fair. Same for the O’Hara game. We missed the report on DUTCH-A-PALOOZA 2006 it was pretty fun! There were clowns and animals, including a camel. Roman won by 40 and Sugden got to hang out with Dutch.
Love,
Danny and Brianny

JAN. 6
CATHOLIC LEAGUE
Roman 59, Neumann-Goretti 46
            Few people gave Roman a shot to win this game, including star player D.J. Rivera, who instead of warming up before the game decided to engage in byplay with the Roman student section. Considering he shot a whopping 3-16 from the field, guess he didn't show us! Neumann came out very sluggish and sloppy, underestimating Roman. They soon realized after the 1st quarter ended 19-3 in favor of the good guys that Roman was for real and came ready to play. Roman was led by Sr. PG Raymond "The ladies call me Doodles" Sims, who not only had a career-high 13 points but controlled the tempo of the game. Also Sr. PF Rockeed "Don't I look cute in the Daily News" McCarter dominated the glass, grabbing 17 rebounds and showing much toughness throughout the game. Rock later in the game was also responsible for slamming somebody’s shot on Neumann’s team and then smiled, and stated, borrowing the words from a rap song, “I robbed a jewelry store and told 'em to make me a grill.” (Keep on Smiling) Neumann fell into a giant hole early and could get out of it.  The 1st half ended 34-13. Now figuring that they are getting beaten so badly you would think that Neumann's fans would be too embarrassed to say anything. However, if you are a middle-aged bald man, what do you have to lose? I mean you already lost your hair so what's left? So anyway Mr. Clean was sitting right behind Neumann's bench and kept yelling off-color remarks at innocent young children, trying to get us to illegally bet on the game. He kept yelling, "Where's your green at?" Before we could respond our wonderful disciplinarian Mr. Kane, a k a “Chill . . . Chill . . . it's Kane," came over to us and gently explained that we were not there to get into altercations with bald men, but to cheer for our basketball team. He did a wonderful job in keeping us in line. The third quarter came around and Neumann was sparked none other then by their coach, Carl Arrigale. Throwing his beautiful new Brazilian silk tie, he claimed, “I can't take it anymore!”, even though he looked kind of stylish. With the throwing of the tie in mind Neumann came out and made a tiny comeback. Neumann gained momentum, yet that didn't matter due to Roman's cheering section being loud and fired up. Even though we were fired up we showed respect to Earl "the squirrel" Pettis after he got injured. We clapped for him when he got up because he is a nice young man unlike Mr. Rivera. Also “Scoops Poop” Jardine didn’t make it to the game, did he? We couldn’t find him, all game.  Anyway Roman pulled it out in the end shooting pretty solid from the foul line down the stretch. Brad Wanamaker gets the Player of the Night despite having a low shooting percentage. His foul shots sealed the deal.
  Game Notes:   It has come to our attention that 3-time All-American Water boy Kyle Sweeney has tried to make fun of us in his boring, less-looked-at column. We do not want to start another Hawk Talk-Explore This fight because Hawk Talk was actually funny and Kyle is not. We would just like to say that it was not nice and please don't do it again, thereby embarrassing yourself and your family, FOR SHAME! Mr. Clean you are lucky we did not take your "green" because now you can buy a wig. DJ, concentrate on the game not the fan section and maybe Phil Martelli will forgive you. Raymond "the ladies call me Doodles" Sims received an undeserving technical foul for talking to Rivera after a foul was called.
   People in the stands: Former Roman players Malik Perry, Bill Lally and Danny DiBernadinis. Former fan section leader Denis Minardi also Mr. Clean and Toucan Sam were sitting next to each other on the Neumann side along with Tony Soprano.
   Next Game- Roman vs. Dutch (Carroll) Monday after school in Roman's gym. Show your support, its free admission!
   Love,
   Suggy Boo and Dan

DEC. 23
NON-LEAGUE
Roman 85, Delaware Valley Charter 48
   The great Dick Vitale is possibly the only person who is able to sum up Roman's preseason schedule, "It’s cupcake city, baby!" Little did we know today's game was the same time as the TedSilary.com Christmas Party. But, well, we had to write a report so we did the only thing we could: brought the party with us. That's right. Roman's student section was graced with the presence of Ted himself, Amauro, and Duck. Where was Puck? Who knows! He was last seen Christmas shopping at Victoria Secret, and we missed him dearly. It was also celebrity day at Roman! Celebrities such as Charron "My Sister Thinks You're Fat!" Fisher, and DeSean White. Also, Del-Val’s traditional “Every other game we pick a different celebrity to coach us, coaching night” included, Danny DeVito and Al Roker (more on Al later).
   As for the actual game, obviously we all knew Roman was going to win, but we didn't know how bad it would be. At one point a player from Del-Val right before he shot yelled, "Rain dance!" and launched a shot hurting Roman's backboard. This was a pointless game, yet we still cheered. We won't write down any stats because this was basically Roman vs. An 8th Grade All-Star team, if that. Coach Danny DeVito was asked after game, “Coach, how come you played the freshmen all game?” He replied, “Hey! I was in Batman. I was the penguin!” (Good for you!) Now, normally we wouldn't rip on a team this bad (actually, yes we would), but they were not very nice. In fact, one of their players threatened Brian. Unfortunately it did not stop there. Sadly Del-Val Assistant Coach Al Roker decided to show us his only means of expression in this game, which was one of his fingers, if ya know what I mean. I mean, come on, Al, show some sportsmanship! Also there was a man dressed up as Papa Smurf behind their bench who continued to yell vulgar things at us. Note to Papa Smurf -- you are supposed to set a good example for all the other Smurfs. Now what are they going to do? We aren't going to tell you who scored what, because we do not want to add to the burden of Del-Val and we're very lazy. At one point the coach called a time out, looked at his players and said, "What are we going to do?! We're down by 40, we haven’t found Maurice yet.....Blue's dead and I'm not seeing much upside." Jr. Troy Blue (3 points, by the way he just scored a school record high 49 on some other occasion (phew!). On a more positive note, Roman received two new scoreboards, compliments of our wonderful alumni. They look very nice, and they were used very much in this blowout. Especially the home side.
   Game Notes- To the players and coaches of the opposite teams, you can threaten us and give us the finger, but we will not stop! Santa was watching so Al you get nothing for Christmas. How do you like those apples? Also due to the fact that Roman didn’t win by 40, they will not be going to Florida, sorry. Hey we told them in the 3rd Quarter, “If yous do not win by 40, you are not going to Florida and I mean it! And Ringgold if you keep that up Santa isn’t coming this year!” He didn’t cry that much after the statement, but you have to draw lines. Also Sugden was safely escorted out of the gym by the Silary.Com crew after the game.
Merry X-Mas.....Again
Love,
D. Jordan and B. Sugden

DEC. 19
NON-LEAGUE
Roman 79, McDevitt 46
"Where did these white street signs come from?!”
   It all started with a bet that we had, I told Dan that if he put his tongue on the pole for three seconds it would stick he didn't believe me so I Triple Doggy Dared him to do it. He did it and sure enough I was right! He couldn't get it off and then my alarm rang it was time to go see Roman win by 30. He kept yelling, “Brian come back!” but the bell rang and I had to go witness a massacre. I left on time around 6:15 and got there around 8:30. Is it that long from my house? No, it's just that MapQuest is the stupidest thing since bellbottoms and it could not give me the right directions. Here is how the adventure took place; it will involve heroes and adversaries. A hero being a Hott (With two T’s) tanning spa girl, then some adversaries will be mapquest.com -- which, by the way give the worst directions in the history of Internet direction-giving -- and gas station filler-upper guys! Also people who fail to use their turn signals. We will start out in good ole Mayfair, where my friend Ryan Meenan and I began the trip to McDevitt (6:15PM). While driving I quickly put on “Wired! 96.5”, and started the night with a little Paul Waul and Nelly talking about grills and such, Paul Waul by the way is still “Flossin’!” All this talk about grills made Ryan and I hungry so we went to Wendy’s and got food. As I was driving up Cottman Ave, like the directions said, I noticed that the RIGHT I was suppose to make on Church Road after the LEFT on Washington Lane, came before the LEFT on Washington Lane. Now for those who I just lost, let me recap. “Straight on Cottman Ave” then “LEFT turn on Washington Lane” then “RIGHT turn on Church Road”, that was the directions, well we saw Church Road first. This is where the confusion started! (6:45PM) Alright so I pull over to Random Gas Station Attendant 1 and he was trying to give me directions, “Aight son, you gon pull to the right here now and you gon pull the straight until ya see the strap on the building and follow that down.” All I got to say to Random Gas Station Attendant 1 (7:30PM game started), thanks for nothing and God bless your lack of intelligence! So after passing the strap on the building and realizing that I was in a county with white street signs. It was then when I decided to call my Aunt Crissy -- MAD PROPS to her for the effort over the phone and I just want to note out that her failure of aiding me will not affect the value of her Christmas gift. Now next advice giver will be Random Gas Station Attendant 2, again thanks! You caused me so much mental pain, if it was not for you I wouldn’t have been able to hear the “My Humps” song for the 10th time of the night, Thanks again big guy. After following some random road, we came up to a Tanning Spa, with a Hott (with two T’s) Girl running it, who gave us the directions to the game. I regret not staying there for a Tan and watching Rush Hour 2, girl got class, because when finally arriving to the game it was already in the making of a massacre. (8:25PM) As we were walking into the game I noticed that a McDevitt player was below the swinging Sr. Mike Ringgold (21 points, 15 rebounds). When passing a man in attendance he stated, “Man Da Boi be up in his grill!!”, I couldn’t help but laugh because I realized that the word “Grill” can be referred to three different things, Wendy’s, Paul Waul’s teeth, and well I was just talking about the last one. After finally getting “sitch-a-ma-cated” (situated) in the little Roman Fan Section, I realized that we were up by 20 and the McDevitt students in their Fan Section were standing up, it was then when I took it upon myself to let them know they had to sit down or like Ted would say the sitting-down position. Anyway back to the game, I was most impressed by Roman's passing ability, which seems to be getting so much better every game. The Wanamaker Brothers were sensational for the short time I saw them combining for 15 Points, 10+ Rebounds, and 10+ Assists. Also despite being demolished Mike Swoyer (15 Points) was very impressive and seems to bring hope to McDevitt that they will finish at .500. Also Bill Murphy (7 Points) played well and I had to mention him or he would be most displeased. I asked Bill, how did it feel to play against Sr. Rockeed “Smiles” Mc “to the capital C” arter (14 Points, 15+ Rebounds), he replied, “I was thankful that the man-child didn’t rip my head off.” Lucky he was! Because Rock was in a Ripping off of the head mood. Fan favorites Sr. Raymond “Ray Ray” Sims and Sr. Lonnie “I was checking the time on my phone Mr. Kane!” Perry were for the most part remarkable, combining for 14 Points, 10+ Rebounds, 10+ Assists. Anyway there’s not much else that I can say other then Sr. Sean “Shiz” Joynes(4 Points, 6  Rebounds) is my Pollyanna partner this year!
   Game Notes: Don't know how Dan is doing last I heard of him he was still on that pole, pore little bugger. Never use Map Quest EVER AGAIN! Never listen to Random Gas Station Attendants 1 or 2. Props to the girls in the McDevitt Fan Section for shouting out my name and asking me to be quiet, also a great shout out to the McDevitt student who tried so hard to be funny; he was kind of husky and was in his uniform. Sr. Brandon Fisher of McDevitt, it was great to see that you’re finally on a Varsity team! We miss you here at Roman, you’re a good guy B.Fish and great athlete and I love you, so does Dan. Anyway, our next game is against Okey Doke Institute - - I mean Del Val, sorry. Anyway Roman will win and I will hope that a fat man in a red suit breaks into my house eats all my cookies and leaves a couple presents!
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa!
Love,
Suggy Sugg

DEC. 10
PHILA. UNIV. TOURNEY FINAL
Roman 80, Gtn. Academy 62
"Can't Stop, Won't Stop.......Bad Boys For Life”
   Coming into this game we all knew it was going be a good one. Why did we know this? Coach Dennis Seddon came out in a stunning new Mr. Rogers sweater vest (compliments of the tournament). Roman was led by Sr. Mike “Yo dey sweet” Ringgold, who had 25 points and left his jock strap on a Germantown Academy player's head after an amazing dunk off a pass by Sr. Raymond “My biological name is Doodles” Sims, who also had a career high 12 points and displayed a willingness to shoot that we have not seen before. When asked about it Raymond said, “My shot is wet, homie." For shizzle, Raymond, for shizzle.  Raymond also threw an oop to Jr. Brad “I came out first” Wanamaker, who finished with 16 points. Jr. Brian “Heyyy Ya!” Wanamaker chipped in with 12 and Sr. Rockeed “Smiles” McCarter had 7 points and locked up Sr. Andrew Ott in the 2nd half. Rock was all smiles as usual. Now for the Germantown Academy "fan section." There were about 5 or 6 of them and they had a sign that read, “Best 6th man ever." Nice try, kiddies. However, you were dominated. By the Roman section? No, we didn’t feel like cheering in this game. You were dominated by a former Roman basketball star, Bill Lally, who snagged not only one but two t-shirts that were thrown into the crowd compliments of the tournament while sitting right next to the GA fans. Bill said, “They can’t touch me!” No Bill, they can’t. Also in attendance fresh off a TV performance was Bobby “I love my reds” Jordan. I don’t know why I wrote that but Bobby kept crying about how he wants his named mentioned so I figured I would help him out. Roman players that were named All-Tournament, included Mike Ringgold and Brad Wanamaker, and the Unsung Hero award went to Ray Ray Sims who exclaimed, “What the H-E double hockey sticks is this?” Roman looked pretty solid and has won their first 3 games, thus having a record of 3-0. So far this year, they defeated the competition by at least 18+ points. Assistant coach Chris McNesby, who has the look of a head coach, has the team working hard. Good work and keep it up.
   Next game is McDevitt. We will probably not have a game report on this because we're not expecting it to be a contest and Sugden wants to build a snowman instead.
Love,
Danny

DEC. 9
PHILA. UNIV. TOURNEY
Roman 65, Judge 47
  “I hate quotes!”
   I, Brian Sugden, was abandoned by my partner Dan Jordan for tonight’s game. I was very upset to find out he wasn’t going to make it. I even called him and was like “Hey Dan, what time are you going to the game?” and he was all like, “Yo Bri...yeahhhh about that...ummmm yeahh....I left my oven on....and ya know like....(click)”. So obviously he was at Chuckie Cheese for his cousin's birthday party. I am going to be solo on this one.
   Coming into this game all Cahillites had the playoff loss on their mind from the football season. How and why we lost that game, no one will ever know. All-City FB Player Sean Woods exclaimed, “It was fixed, I tell ya!” Now it was time for payback, and how we will get back at The Father Judge Baby-Blue Crusaders, we will just spank 'em in a good ol' game of basketball. The game started off with chants of Artieeeee, for Sr. Arthur “I’m the oldest Senior ever, since Curtis Brinkley” Livingston (2 points). Arthur was shut down the entire game and didn’t see much time because of this. The first half was all Wanamakers, Jrs. Brian and Brad were pretty much at one point unstoppable, combining for 24 points, 7 assists, 5 rebounds, and 9 steals. Despite being outplayed, Jr. Kevin Lynch for Judge was the only spark of fire they had and also Sr. James “I should never shoot a 3 again” Schule, was a great reason why Roman never rolled on to higher leads in the game. Sr. Mike “Dey Sweet!” Ringgold (16 points and 7 rebounds) led the game in points and rebounds. Sr. Rockeed “Smiles” McCarter (5 points, 5 rebounds, 2 steals, and 1block) was quiet but effective tonight in the paint. Later towards the end of the 1st half, Sr. Raymond “Ray Ray” Sims (2 points, 5 assists, and 2 steals) had remarkable passes to his teammates, no looks, over the head, the whole sha-bang-a-bang. Also Sr. James “Heyyyy its Franklin” Franklin was impressive, but it just wasn’t enough for night. Going into the 4th quarter, Sr. Matt “Mention my name or my dad will beat me” Smyth started the “Irish Invasion”, who did quite well for being off the bench with 5 rebounds, and 4 points. The “Irish Invasion” was destroyed when Srs. Sean “Shiz” Joynes, Lonnie “Lanye West” Perry and Soph. Will Kirkland, all came off the bench and combined for 9 points, 2 assists, 10 rebounds, and probably the best defensive attitude ever! Before the game ended, Coach Cahill was yelling out a play to his offense, then from the crowd came out, “Yeah let’s run that because there’s so much time left and we have a chance to win!” Coach Cahill looked up at the Roman Fan Section and smiled, were glad to see that Judge left this game with their sense of humor.
   Game Notes: Judge, despite being all over the place and having a tough season, didn’t look half bad. They are nowhere near the playing skill Roman has, but hey that Northern Division is up in the air! Tim Hoban and his goatee were in the crowd tonight. Mouthpieces were worn by most of the Roman players and was again a very big disappointment. Philly U. has the worst warm up music, EVER! I really couldn’t see anybody on either teams getting pumped up to the, “Vengo Bus” song or “Let's Get It Started” and lets not forget “I Like to Move It, Move It” Also I want to give a shoutout to Roman’s Assistant Principal Miss Dollard, who is probably reading this and smiling, and has probably seen about 20 things in this report that will cause her to hit me (jokingly).

DEC. 7
NON-LEAGUE
Roman 67, Imhotep 43
“Who is Imhotep?” and “What is an Imhotep?” – Quotes of the Day
  Ok...how do I start this? You’re going to ask, Hey Sugden and Jordan, what’s with the corny name? We reply, "Shut up, you're not our fathers,so  stay out of our personal affairs." Hey Brian and Dan, how come you didn’t keep stats or even the players names for Imhotep? We reply because, was there any need? Have you ever seen or heard of this team? And we only knew one guy, number 1, and his first name was Kevin, he wants to be a lawyer, and he has the coolest tattoo a right arm could possibly have. Anyway, enough of the questions, it's now time to talk about the season opener. Roman started out their season with a match-up against Imhotep, why? No one really knows. Surprisingly some of the Cahillites came out wearing mouthpieces. We did not enjoy this considering we could not see Sr. Rockeed "Smiles" McCarter smile. It was definitely a big disappointment. The game started off slowly, thanks to the Imhotep students who didn’t know how to press the start and stop button on the scoreboard at the right times. So after the longest 2 seconds of Basketball history, Roman came out to a 12-3 lead and looked like that would be all for Imhotep and the cheerleaders who insulted our student section. Shame on them. Sr. Mike “Hi I’m Mike” Ringgold, (20 points, 14 rebounds, 1 assist, 3 steals, and 2 blocks) dominated the whole game, mentally and physically, and when asked his thoughts on the game he replied, “Dey sweet, dawg." Right on, Mikey! The first quarter ended boring like that, with one man just controlling everything, at this point Roman led 16-7. Now you would think all technical “jibber jabber” would be settled, right? NO! Wrong! Again the longest 0 seconds of our lives took place, which overall affected everyone. Cory “The Joystick, Action” Jackson, commented about this holdup by stating, “Man, I gotta catch my Malcom in the Middle on Fox at 6:30. They killin' me!” Also Roman hockey star, Sr. Mike Smith commented, “Can't they do anything right?!” Anyway back to the long game . . . The second quarter Imhotep came out and put Roman on their heels going on a 10-2 run, bringing the game within 7. Yadda yadda yadda, a quick score there, a quick score here. I didn’t matter what kind of roll this Imhotep team went on, the Roman squad came back at them, due to great off the bench play by Sr. Sean “Shiz” Joynes (4 points and 3 rebounds), and Sophs. Will and Wes Kurklin who combined for 6 points, 1 rebound, 1 assist, and one nomination in my book for the best looking twins ever to be on the same team -- watch out Wanamakers and Olsens. Going into half with score only being 24-19, everyone in the semi-crowded fan section looked at each other and said, “Yo, I am going to the bathroom." So we did, there were no worries, we knew the lead was safe and it could only get bigger. Which actually sort of backfired when, at the start of the third quarter, Imhotep scored first and the lead was cut to 3 (24-21). Then Coach Seddon said, “Ok, let's start playing guys.” Shoulder shrug and all. Jr. Brad “I came out first” Wanamaker (17 points, 5 rebounds, and 1 steal) was astonishing in the second half, his brother Jr. Brian “Yeah by like a second” Wanamaker (9 points, 5 rebounds, and 1 steal) did good also. Sr. Lonnie Perry (3 points and 3 rebounds), fan favorite, added on to the massacre. The outstanding hustle and play of Sr. Rockeed “I have the biggest smile ever” McCarter (4 points, 16 rebounds, 2 steals and 2 blocks) was the difference and the Imhotep kids backed down, which was naturally expected, and Roman went on a 18-5 run. They never looked back after that, with the third quarter ending 46-30. The forth quarter, Roman never lost a beat and it was time to take the starters out, and then Roman put in Devon "cha cha boochie, cha cha cha boochie" White (4 points and 1 block) who had a very good dunk and also sent one of the Imhotep players crying to his mommy when he sent his shot to somewhere in Texas (we are still not sure on the location). Jr. Mark Reeves (2 points and 1 steal) made sure that no type of comeback occurred in the 4th quarter. Then the game was ended, Roman 67 – Imhotep 43.
   Game Notes: Why we didn't bother keeping stats for Imhotep? Honestly, we thought they would just lose by 20 but we were wrong, they lost by more (Ted still hasn’t got the up-to-date rosters yet....geez!). Also a special shout-out goes to the children of Roman who attended this "game." I know it was a painful thing to watch but you guys hung in there. Roman Fan Section Shirts are going to be sold once again this year if anyone is interested contact Brian on his e-mail or talk to one of us in school. We will need size and number of shirts wanted so we can place our order. Also in attendance for this game was none other then former Roman star Malik "Mad Hops" Perry. He didn't seem that mad, but that is probably because he did not hop. Next game will be at Father Judge, Friday night at Philly U. Judge is led by Sr. Arthur “HaHa Arthur” Livingston and Sr. James “I guess I’m not cool enough for a quotation name” Schule. Will Judge upset Roman in two different sports?! No, we just thought if we wrote that more people would come to the game. Also Roman Student Body President Mike "The Preacher" Miles asked us to tell all the Roman students to go to the upcoming Christmas Dance, so go.
   Also, because of our last report, already we're being hit by heat. Anthony King is not on the team anymore. He moved to Northern Canada and started a simple Dutch Bakery. No other word has been heard of him. Jarret Burks is also not on the team. He is a full time Soccer player now, Thanks! And last but not least, Speedy Morris did not get hit by a ball, we're sorry for putting that there. We were just being “cute.” Speedy, we love you, you're the greatest coach ever. Again we love you.
Love,
Brian N Dan

DEC. 5
ROMAN & OVERALL PREVIEW
   “We don’t play we take it to da house, Mia take it to the house its the way we take it to the house, take it to the house, take it to the house, we on fire take it to the house, oh we gotz that fire take it to the house, slip n slide take it to the house, take it to the house, take it to the house!”
    What you first read is a very special quote from none other than Trick Daddy and his gangster thug friends Slip N Slide. The quote represents the way Roman Catholic will play Basketball this year. It's quite obvious what it's saying.
    Our fan section is back this year, for the 1st time since 2003. We would like to apologize to whomever we offend during this upcoming basketball season. We are sure you are all great people and we would love to sit down sometime and have some tea and krimpets with you, and possibly even a muffin. To the people that have made our MOST WANTED list, we respect most of you, however you must be afraid, because you might want to cry once the game has started, nothing personal. For example: Antonio “Scoops Poop” Jardine, D.J. “I’m so cool I just need my initials” Rivera, and Reggie “Speedy wants to have my babies” Redding.
    As for our game reports, we will do our very best in trying to provide all of the information on the Roman Catholic Basketball team this season. We will provide statistics as well as a very colorful game report on all our favorites, such as Raymond “Don’t call me Raymond; my biological name is Doodles” Sims.
***Kids That Will Be Absolutely Tortured During This Season***
In Order of Team Schedule
   Imhotep – Public league pushovers. Not even a challenge. We'll most likely see the JV in this one, Sean Joynes, “Lace em up boi!”(We Still Love ya Sean) Their Top 3 – Denzel Gatewood, Jermaine Washington, and Hanif “Im not a Crook” Nixon.
   Father Judge – Sure they beat us in the Playoff game….I guess we cant really come back at that, but their basketball team still can't beat our freshmen team, Phew, that felt better! Their Fab 3 – Will “I picked off Action Jackson” Taggert, Arthur “HaHa Arthur” Livingston, and Jim Schule.
   Germantown Academy – After we demolish Judge we will most likely face GA because Wissahickon makes Judge look like their 1998 team. Their Top 3 – Andrew Ott, Kyle Griffin, Joe Traynor (he he he).
   McDevitt – Another weak North division team, most likely a blow out. Their Great 3 – Tom “Hot” Maha,  Trevor Lee, Bill Murphy.
   Del Val – Where did this team come from? Oh well, I don’t think anyone knows, except for Ted and Huck, because Huck is weird like that. We just picked one scrub, Stanley Ashton, you’re the man Stanley.
   West Catholic – Ah HA! Huck! You lost to Puck! And they just lost to North! Fabby 3 – Chris “I like mustard” Mayo, Eric Brennan, and Fluck.
   Neumann-Goretti – Because this team is the All-American Basketball team, we have a special Great Four! – Scoop(s)”Poop” Jardine, Earl “ Huge Head” Pettis, DJ “ Two initials is so cool” Rivera, and Rick “James” Jackson.
   Carroll – Its plain and simple, DUTCH!, we dutched him last year and we will dutch him again! Only One – Dutch “DUTCH!” Gaitley.
   Episcopal – Wayne and Gerald, the basketball version of Beavis and Butthead. Except they're going to big time schools and they're probably going to the NBA and they will probably see this and laugh and say, "We're going to be millionaires soon, kids."
  Kennedy-Kenrick -- Tim Bowman will be their scorer most likely, do we care? Not really, but Ted’s paying us to give opinions. Scott Marston will be a senior leader.
  O'Hara  -- Patrick Kirby is their best player and most likely will be asking for the rock! Yeah I said rock, Tony Walters and Chris Myers are going to be the ones feeding the rock!
   Bonner – This year for Bonner they will be all on the back of Jeffrey Jones, who accumulated over 400 total points last year but only managed to win 3 games. Then-Bonner coach Jim "Goose" Welde said, “This basketball season is like crossing the street, look left, then look right” To this day we still don’t understand what he was talking about.
   Prep – Finally the Prep. Who likes them? I happen to, but Daniel thinks differently. Like last night we were going over this, it was a heated discussion while we were singing early Christmas Carols in some Jewish neighborhood in the “Far North East!” Anyway Reggie “Speedy Wants To Have My Babies” Redding, will be the whole team this year.
Roman Basketball Team Preview
   Sr. Raymond “Don’t call me Raymond; my biological name is Doodles” Sims will be the star and the emotional leader of the team this year. Sr. Mike “Hi I’m Mike” Ringgold is a returning 1st team All-Catholic and a beastly presence in the paint. Jr. Bradley “I Came Out First” Wanamaker is another returning All-Catholic who will look to take on an even bigger roll this season. Jr. Brian “Yeah By Like A Second” Wanamaker shows a lot of potential and will also do some damage. Sr. transfer Rockeed “Smiles” McCarter will give the team what they need to take the game to the next level. Sr.’s Lonny Perry and Sean “Shiz” Joynes will provide great senior leadership and a spark when needed. Devon “cha cha boochie, cha cha cha boochie” White, brother of former Dougherty star player DeSean White, is molding into his brother's image and has the potential to even be better than his older brother. Crowd favorites this year will be none other that the great Raymond Sims and Lonny Perry. Sr. Jarret Burks is happy to be on the team. He said so. Jr. Mark Reeves is a very big guy, I mean, he is huge! He’s going to hurt some people out there. Soph. Anthony King will be off the bench, but will definitely be effective.
  Last year, was the First year that Roman failed to win a Championship from a Freshmen to Senior Span (4 Years) since 1969, the beginning days of Speedy Morris. Yeah for you Prep kids who don’t know, Speedy was the Roman Catholic Coach. He also is a loyal alumni. He was also hit by a paper ball when he came to Roman last week for career day. This year we're hoping that we can get the PCL Championship.
Love,
Brian N Dan