Brian (L) and Sean

Hawk Talk Football 2008 Return to TedSilary.com Home Page   Sean Murphy and Mike Brinkmann are two aspiring writers from St. Joseph's Prep, looking to dabble in some comical sports journalism. They will keep you updated on Prep football with an occasional laugh. You can contact Sean at Bsrm0609@aol.com or Mike at Mike1535@gmail.com.   Sean is the brother of Pat Murphy, the original Hawk Talk superstar, while Mike is the brother of former FB-lacrosse star Brian Brinkmann. Comments or suggestions are appreciated.

NOV. 27
THANKSGIVING RIVALRY
Malvern 34, SJ Prep 27
  Thanksgiving. The feeling was in the air, and as more than half the nation was waking up to severe hangovers, rivals St. Joseph’s Prep and Malvern Prep were getting ready for kickoff.  Upon receiving the ball, Prep scored faster than Ian Correia dropped CJ Mooney, on a 34 yard toss from QB Mark Giubilato to WR Dan “Can’t Wait 'Til Baseball Season” Turner.
  Following a stop by the Prep on the ensuing Malvern possession, RB Mike “David Bowie” Yeager took it the house from 7 yards out, putting the score at 14-0.  Once again Prep swarmed to ball carriers and harassed Malvern QB Billy Conners, which was heaven for the Prep student section, who cleverly shouted everything from “I love Sacks(x)” to a provocative “Block that Kick” chant on punts.  Mike Pereira was playing like a man possessed.  The Colbie-Callat-loving freak of nature was easily single-handedly stopping the two-headed monster of Neil Willis and James Connelly, all while keeping enough eye contact with girlfriend Emily Williams, which he claims is “crucial in maintaining a healthy adolescent relationship.”   The Hawks once again capitalized as Giubilato took it in himself from 17 yards out, giving them a comfortable 21-point lead.
  For a while it looked like the Prep secondary was holding its own, which was a surprise to almost everyone, considering Malvern WR Joe Price is probably the best they’ve seen all year.  The praise initially was due to Dan “Natural Ice in My Veins” Casey, but apparently sometime before the second half he said something to Joe about Joe’s breathtaking sister Meghan, because Joe went berserk after that.  “Meg is the type of girl you would want to take home to your parents,” Dan volunteered. “Joe has nothing to be ashamed of… I don’t understand why he takes it so hard.” Price replied: “You don’t understand, Dan has been hitting on my sister since freshman year, and it gets REALLY old. If I were to stalk your sister, you’d probably have the same reaction.” I am not sure either of us HawkTalkers have the athletic ability to react the way Joe did, as he was near impossible to contain for the rest of the game.
  After this score, Prep once again forced a 3 and out, and on the next play Yeager took a handoff 60 yards before Neil Willis did his best WWF impression and unnecessarily choke-slammed Yeager despite being 3 yards out of bounds.  Yeager’s reaction to Willis drew a 15-yard penalty, putting them back to the 38 yard line. On the very next play Prep fumbled, which ended up being a very costly mistake.  Malvern recovered and drove down the field, which ended with a 34-yard run from Conners with 3:15 left in the half.  Conners played well at both QB and CB despite being short in stature, but has decided not to pursue his football career any further.  “I committed to Duke for lacrosse,” confirmed Conners. “I don’t even know if they really want me, or if they know I committed, but I really like the principles of the team."
  The Malvern student section showed the enthusiasm of fans who were at a Philadelphia Kixx game.  They did have a whiteout in honor of Neil Willis which was nice, but former students came back and sat in the student section which was a bigger mistake than going to Malvern in the first place.  Prep stud WR Mike Arcidiacono noted that “their side had more fruits than SuperFresh.”  That means a lot coming from Mike.  Malvern student section leader Steve Dunn tried to redeem himself by claiming, “I couldn’t really watch the game, since my eyes were closed the whole time…so I really didn’t know when to cheer.  Talk about awkward.”  Steve was also constantly on the phone with girlfriend Sarah Benton, who unknowingly to Steve, still longs for her summer days for obvious reasons (she was rather familiar with both HawkTalkers, wink).
  Offensively, Prep dominated the line of scrimmage all day, resulting in a total of 345 rushing yards.  The men in the trenches included RT Seth Betancourt, G’s Shawn Davis and Mike Pinciotti, C Ryan Donavon, and LT Mark Arcidiacono.  It is still unknown whether this crew had more pancakes at breakfast or during the actually game.
  The score remained at 21-7 going into the half.  At halftime especially, there was a notably high police concentration.  This seemed uncommon at a football game, but it all made sense when we were made aware that Malvern DB Bob Hill called them up.  Also at halftime, CJ “Self proclaimed” Mooney blamed the first half deficit on himself.  “I saw one of the Prep players drinking their Gatorade kind of fast, so I took it as a challenge.”  Mooney went on to chug both of Malvern’s Gatorade coolers, leaving none for his teammates. “They must have been really tired. Call me selfish if you want, but I never step down from a challenge.”
  Due to this, Mooney entered the second half extremely energized, and proved that every drip that he drank was worth it, as he caught a 17-yard TD yard pass from Conners on the Friar’s first drive.  Prior to the game, there were rumors that this HawkTalk was the most anticipated event next to when CJ “John Smith” Mooney finally pops the question.    “Bull, I was thankin bout doin that whole Ian Johnson thang n’ axin her afta I score one-a dem TD’s… but she ain’t even show up to da game.” Of course the well-spoken Charles was referring to his relationship with 10-year significant other, Kristen Divalerio, cousin of QB Billy Connors.  “Bill be chill wit it,” confirmed Ceej, “He know we fresh and he ma bulllll yo.” Bill responded by describing CJ as “so not fresh, and definitely not a brewman.”  Prior to the release of HawkTalk, in nervous anticipation CJ attempted to predict what would be said of him: “Wait yo, I know you gone be makin funna me and ma babii wit that whole Pocahantus thang…but I luh dat stuff. I mean, I’m tryna have the wedding in the woods. And I be John Smith, she be Pocahantus, and Coach Gamp…he be Grandmother Willow. I ain’t even ax him yet but he an oldhead, and he wise, and I can gets him a wig or something. Aha youuuu.”  What most people don’t know about CJ is that he is a multi-talented athlete.  Mooney is a CYO basketball extraordinaire, and is so committed to his St. Phillip and James squad that it interfered with his job at PetSmart.  After missing work for a 3rd time because of practice, Mooney was fired in a heated debacle that could go down for the ages.  He was eventually tranquilized by the animal control that was on hand only after successfully smashing 2 fish tanks and letting loose 3 dozen Redbelly Rattlesnakes.  We caught up with him at the hospital: “It’s whatever,” he sneered, “I love the rim more than the job anyway, but when you put them together they are really an enjoyable combo.”  CJ’s college interests include Grambling, Howard and Southern.
  Although Mooney’s score was set up by a 35-yard run by Connelly, the so-called two-headed monster of Connelly and Willis was for the most part kept quiet even into the second half, salvaging a combined 24 carries for 129 yards, which is usually not bad, but is severely down from their Inter-ac average of 700 yards a game.  Apparently the two are close friends, and in an interview last year mutually admitted that they do not mind sharing carries, but alas, carries is not the only thing they share (wink, hey Eva!...Kiss…all of SHA).
  Connelly recently signed his LOI to Colgate. However, Colgate had only seen game tape and read about him, but had yet to see him in person.  You can only imagine how this dentistry school must have felt when he removed his helmet, and much to their dismay, revealed a severe case of gingivitis. They immediately revoked his scholarship.  He was originally distraught over his performance, but was comforted to see Morgan Moppert in the stands, although she was ill and periodically throwing up.  This didn’t deter James from refusing to leave without a victory kiss from his prized gal.
  Following Mooney’s TD, Giubilato threw an interception, his second of the game.  This is when Joe Price got his redemption, and picked his name out of the “Turkey of the Day” conversation (he dropped an easy TD earlier in the game.)  It took 4 plays for Conners to hit Price in the corner of the end zone, tying the score at 21.  It must be noted that starting CB Dan Casey, whose original assignment was to stick to Price like white on rice, came out in the second half with a sprained ankle.  This put the duty of guarding Price, which is no task to be taken lightly, on defensively inexperienced Anthony Johnson.  This brings us to the 4th quarter, where Malvern had the ball on a 3rd and 6 from their own 29.  The play was again to Price, and after a missed tackle he showed off his wheels beating all Hawk defenders in a 71-yard sprint to the end zone.  The point after was missed, putting the score at 27-21 favoring Malvern.
  Mike Yeager seemed to have a little Jim McGoldrick in him, as he didn’t give up in the Hawks next drive.  He carried 8 times for 50 yards, capping it off with a TD run from 15 yards out.   Subsequently, Prep missed the extra point, leaving the score tied at 27 with 5:48 left in the game.  This is when team Manager Andrew Layne got a call from girlfriend Christina May, who recently gained a sponsorship from CoverGirl makeup, solely based off of amount purchased. “Stick in another touchdown Andrew, 4 isn’t good enough.” “I can’t,” responded Andrew, “I don’t play.”
  Conners provided the answer on their final drive, with a little luck on his side and what seemed to be a chip on his shoulder.  The Friars converted on a few 3rd downs, and eventually Conners and Price hooked up for a 27-yard TD pass with 31 seconds left. This was unlike the CYO Blue-Gold game where Conners threw the game losing pick six to John Gormley, but is still similar to grade school all-star game in that he is still the same size.  Prep inherited the ball with 30 seconds left, and it was, not surprisingly, one of the top 3 worst attempts at a final drive we’ve ever seen. The other 2 on the top 3 list are the Eagles attempt in Super Bowl XXXIX, and earlier this year, in the Prep-North Penn game.  With 30 seconds left you would think you would maybe throw some passes to the sidelines to get out of bounds, or at least run out of bounds, maybe even throw a trick play in there.  Instead the Hawks ran a plethora of unsuccessful pass plays, a draw that got a solid 2 yards, and the ever tricky screen pass, which probably ended up losing ground, in an attempt to get 60 yards.
  After the final seconds ticked off the clock, Team manager Layne, who oddly suits up in full uniform every week (including a flamboyant visor) even though he knows there is no chance of getting into the game, immediately charged over to the Prep sidelines, yelling things at the fans even though clearly no one could hear him.  We asked teammate Joe Price for an explanation to Layne’s actions, but he seemed confused. “You mean Chris Layne? The really good lacrosse player who was also our football captain last year? No? OHHH… you mean Steve Layne, Chris’ brother who was also a football captain and good lacrosse player. You really meant to say Andrew? Haha, I didn’t know he played anymore.” Price went on to say, “Oh God, he’s not related to the other 2 is he?  Wow… what happened there?”  In other news, this brought Mrs. Layne’s total to 11 straight weeks without doing the wash. “The thing is, I gladly would, but there is just no need… his jersey is never dirty,” commented Mrs. Layne. “It makes me sad.”
Game Notes:
-The Keating brothers were on the Prep side until they moved to the Malvern side after Price's final touchdown.  They claim it was, "closer geographically to their place of business."  We all know the real reason.
-After the game, a way too content Billy Bonner admitted: “I don’t want to play them, I want to hang out with them.”  He will have plenty of time to do this when he has no senior house this summer.
-Chase Gunther (pronounced Goonther) came in to lead a -4 yard charge showing promise for Malvern in the future.  He played because starting QB Bill Conners desperately needed to go to the bathroom, almost as bad as the 2005-06 Malvern Water polo did.
-On this day Andy Marshalick left especially brokenhearted.  After the game, Marshalick proposed to longtime sweetheart Kelly O’Neill. Sadly for Andy, she furiously said no, saying, “He didn’t go to Jared.” JK (Porier) LOLZ, Kelly didn’t say that, but Andy really did propose.
-Now with all the free time on their hands, the Prep football players can focus on getting their GPA’s back up so they can get into college, while Malvern’s players can move on to their winter sports, and even start training for their spring sports.  Many a Malvern athlete has had the opportunity to play as many sports as they please, due to the CYO-like atmosphere at the school, or as Episcopal Academy football stud Steve Faulkner would put it: “Malvern’s pitch to get me to come to their school was that I would not have to lift a finger and still do well academically.”
-James “Golden Snitch” Connelly did not play to his potential as earlier stated.  According to an inside source, he was fatigued after desperately trying to fly away from Harry Potter during a Quiditch match earlier in the day.
-Malvern RB/LB Rob McCabe, who oddly resembles a thumb, had 5 catches for 64 yards, but had quite the pre-game debacle.  When he poked his head out the door in the morning to see what the weather would be like, he thought to himself, “It’s too cold to wear short sleeves, but too warm too wear long sleeves.”  He concluded to wear just one sleeve, which earned him our “Thanksgiving Turkey of the Day” Award, partly due to this, and the fact that Andrew “A-Dot” Layne has already taken enough abuse for one day.
-We would like to take this opportunity to thank all the Prep football players and fans whose friendship will last for years to come… or at least longer than La Salle’s state title run (had to). We give it up to the seniors for leaving it all on the field, even if the result was not always the best. Thank you seniors.
-As you know, this will most likely be our last Hawk Talk.  We would like to thank the die-hard fans (especially little Tommy Savage) for the countless emails, whether supportive or life threatening.  We have been spewing out stats all season, but the most impressive ones?  62 pages, 18,966 words, 106,478 characters, 1,830 lines.  Will we come back like Jordan wearing the 4-5? Who knows...  Just to ease the pain, we’ll leave you with this: “it’s not good-bye, it’s see ya later.” Peace be with.

NOV. 8
CATHOLIC AAAA SEMIFINAL
La Salle 31, SJ Prep 28
  The same question was playing through everyone’s head as they walked out of Colonial Field Stadium on Saturday: What could Hawk Talk possibly write about this week?  It's hard to find words after such a crushing loss, but the only thing worse than Prep losing to La Salle, is Prep losing to La Salle and there being no Hawk Talk afterwards.  The Prep knew preceding the game that La Salle was a more than worthy opponent, so they couldn’t have possibly been caught off-guard, especially since they had already lost to this team earlier in the year.  So, what was the problem?  La Salle QB Drew Loughery was on target ALL day.  He connected with a plethora of La Salle receivers, including Jr. WR Sam Feleccia (5-119), Jr. WR Connor “Rectum? Damn near killed ‘um!” Hoffman (7-59), Soph. RB Jamal “Shareef” Abdur-Rahman (4-112), sr. FB Mike “Not a Hoe” Donohoe (4-61) and jr. TE Steve “Mike” Jones (1-27) for an all-time city playoff record 378 passing yards.  “Me and the guys definitely have a special connection,” commented Loughery, even though no one asked him. “Some compare us to the Jonas Brothers, but Sammy-pooh (Feleccia) and I definitely have a better connection than Kevin and Nick (Jonas) do.  Have you ever seen the Disney channel original movie ‘Double Team’ with the 2 psychic twins?  Sam and I are more like that. It’s like I always know where he’s going to be, whether he’s surfing the web, wide open in the end zone, or playing pictionary with his little sister.  He’s a normal guy AND plays football- that’s what I like so much about him.”
  Part of the problem for Prep was that Loughery spent more time in the pocket than a baby kangaroo.  Pretty much anybody could get the job done with an average of 23 seconds to throw each play.  The other setback was that the secondary was hurting more than Stephen after his split with LC in Season 1 of Laguna Beach.  They have been plagued by injury all season, and when they finally faced a team with a solid pass offense it came back to bite them.
  You have to give it to La Salle though; things have come a long way.  The term “LaSalle Football” used to be an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp or women's rights.  However, it is now safe to say they are half decent.  They are still softer than Mattress Giant, but they have finesse.  Look at receiver Sam Feleccia for example.  That kid has so much stick in his hands he recently garnered a sponsorship with Elmer’s Glue.  We waited for him in the parking lot after the game in the least creepy way we could think of… by sitting in the back seat of his car and popping up when he got in the driver's seat.
  Hawk Talk: "Sam!"
  Feleccia: “Whoa!”
  He seemed jittery and lacking attention.  We later learned of a Red Bull truck high jacking conducted by some La Salle students.  The original plan for these hooligans was to just party at the field after the game, but things got a little out of control and police later found the truck parked at an ancient Indian burial ground scattered with adolescents who had just suffered from really bad sugar crashes.  The police reported that, "Jack Johnson was blaring, the field was riddled with lax sticks, and the apparel was strictly pinnies."  Although we did not know all this previous information at the time, Sam informed us that he had a "tummy ache," so he was in no condition to drive.  As the men for others we are at good old St. Joe’s Prep, Mike took the peddle while Murph steered, showing Sam what teamwork is like.  He acknowledged it was refreshing to find a team that he didn’t have to carry on his back every game. As Sam got comfortable, he really started to open up to us. "I nicknamed my right hand 'beats' and my left hand 'lyrics', cause they work independently, but they work best together." Sam was clearly delirious, as he eventually shared too much information, spilling his guts on things ranging from his favorite animal to girlfriend troubles, but we won’t get into that now.
  For Prep players and fans alike, this emotional rollercoaster would have even made Fergie cry.  It was known going into the game that two things would make or break the game: turnovers and the defensive backfield.  The Prep committed a crucial fumble on their own 10 in the fourth quarter that led to a quick La Salle score, and Loughery picked apart the Prep secondary all day.  If the Hawks could’ve prevented either one of these it would’ve surely been a win and another trip to the PCL title game.
  Vince Lombardi once said, "If you can accept losing you can't win. If you can walk you can run. No one is ever hurt. Hurt is in your mind." Yet Vince wasn't a doctor, and therefore is a horrible source to take medical advice from.  While we're on the topic, the Prep secondary had more flaws than a President Bush speech, and likewise has been inconsistent all year.  But as they say, excuses are like belly-buttons, everybody’s got them. (we are truly sorry for those of you who do not have belly-buttons).
  Anyway, La Salle got on the board immediately with a 4 play scoring drive which ended with a 37 yard TD to Abdur-Rahman. The Explorers struck once more with just under 3 minutes left in the first half.  The Hawks would again walk into the half against this La Salle team deflated and low on morale. But wait!! On the next play from scrimmage, Sr. QB Mark Giubilato hit Anthony Johnson for a 74-yard TD to put the score at 14-7 going into the half.  But wait again!! Loughery struck right back with a drive resulting in an Explorer field goal to put in the score at 17-7 at the half.  But wait AGAIN!! JK lolz, that really was the end of the first half.
  Prep was shut down in its first drive of the second half and was forced to punt.  LaSalle took their turn from their own 30 where Loughery hit Abdur-Rahman for a 70-yard TD.  Down 24-7, most teams would’ve given up, but these are Prep guys we’re talking about here!  The Prep scored on its next possession on a 1-yard run by Mike Yeager (15-87).   The defensive line finally started getting to Loughery and the mere mortal made a mistake!  Pete Hurley plunged to the earth and managed to clutch the ball with his finely polished fingers between the moist pigskin and the tough Plymouth-Whitemarsh turf.  The Hawks took advantage of this rare opportunity by taking it to the house one more time on a 1 yard run by Jr. RB Garrett Compton (24-116), narrowing the deficit to 3. Another three and out threw the Prep students into a state of euphoria.  Kenny Ong went into a Tom Cruise-like tantrum and was immediately removed from the stadium by former Prep Dean Scott Mullen.  This is when the dagger occurred.  Starting from their own 10, Giubilato attempted a draw to Compton, but a fumble ensued and LaSalle obtained the ball on the 10.  This is where senior FB Mike Donohoe got some action, as Loughery hit him on the first play of the drive for a TD. Many may know Mike as the cousin of QB Tim Donohoe from Judge but they may not know he is also cousins with legendary Prep receivers Bill and Tim Edger.  "It really helps having such good football players as cousins; they’re so supportive and even let me sit at the grownup table at Christmas last year.  I just can't wait till Thanksgiving!!!" screamed the ecstatic Donohoe.  "That kids in High school?” replied Tim in an exclusive interview we held with Rhode Island’s hottest bachelor, “What's he like 5'2?  Haha, anyway I'm the best punter ever."  We tried to talk to Bill but he was busy longing for his unrequited love, Chris Whitney.  "He really misses ’Topher," said Tim, "what they had only comes around once in a lifetime."
 Following Donohue’s TD, Giubilato looked like a man on a mission hitting Compton for 34 and Johnson for 46 yards before taking it in from the 6 himself. This put the game at 31-28 in favor of La Salle and it stayed that way as La Salle shimmied its way to a few first downs and ran the clock out for the rest of the game.
Games Notes:
- Next up is the final game of the season for the Hawks and they are looking to go out with a win over Malvern Prep. CJ “John Smith” Mooney was interviewed by our very own Ted Silary, who despises Malvern kids (Ted's note: No I don't -- smile).  When asked about the upcoming match up, "I don't want to give them any bulletin board material," said Mooney, "But it's a great opportunity for us to cap some bulls from Prep, I mean St. Joe's."  If that's doesn’t get the Hawks fired up for this one, I don’t know if there is anything that can.
-In other news Jr. G Steve Szostak switched back to Velcro just days after harvesting enough confidence to try out laces. “Kid had to tie his shoes like 13 times,” remarked Mr. Brinkmann after the game. “I just felt bad for him by the end.”
-This loss will give much needed time to players to prepare for by far the most important Hawk Talk, I mean game, of the season, against nemesis Malvern.  As La Salle was our rival in the beginning, they will stay our rival now, and forever shall be, world without end. Amen.  In saying this I would like to commend Malvern for slowly but surely becoming as hated, if not more hated, than any other school, ever.
-Prediction:  Prep will easily stop the Wing-T.  The defunct Delaware offense that everyone in the CYO used to run in like 6th grade will be no match for the Prep's front 7.  Although the secondary is still limping after the LaSalle loss, they will step up and prove that a WAC team (Hawaii=Malvern) has no business playing a team from the SEC (Georgia=Prep).  We all remember how, "Hawaii's undefeated, they deserve a chance at the National Championship!" yet Georgia handled them like the Prep will on T-giv. Prep- 27 Malvern- 7. Now there’s some bulletin board material for you.

OCT. 31
CATHOLIC AAAA
SJ Prep 45, Roman 3
  The scene was All Hallows Eve and the Philadelphia area was buzzing as if Pat "The Bat" Burrell just threw in a huge victory lip. Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter, almost as big of a Hawk Talk fan as Bonner kids, but an even bigger fan of Prep football, decided to throw a massive parade commemorating the Prep’s crucial win over Bonner.  Some might say the mayor went a little overboard with the celebration, getting Phillies players and celebrities alike to roam through the streets of Philadelphia and crowds of over a million.  This was a little odd, as even though Bonner is such a vital game for the Prep every year, this is still was the regular season folks.   If the parade itself wasn’t weird enough, the football team wasn’t even at the parade to enjoy their huge win.  What Mayor Nutter did not know was that the Roman game had been moved up to Friday, rescheduled for its original Saturday position.  As curious journalists, we thought, “Why was the game moved up to Friday?”  This seemed a little weird to us.  Since we’ve gone with our gut all season, we again decided to do some investigative work.  Our first stop was to the door of Carlton Blakney, not to be confused with Carlton Banks of the TV sitcom “Fresh Prince of Bel Air,” but he was too busy tending to his collection of giant earthworms.  After this short pit stop in Camden we were about ready to give up, but we thought about what any good journalist would do.  Oddly enough, we came up with nothing.  Only on Halloween could so many unusual things happen in one day.  Since there was nothing more we could do, we decided to go back to the parade. When we returned, who did we run into but Buddy “Cutest 17-year-old There Is” Brooks, son of Prep football coach Gil Brooks.  When we asked him about the scheduling conflict, he became noticeably nervous and shaky.  This is when we knew we had a “lead,” as it’s called in the journalism world.  What we did next was kidnap Buddy Brooks.  Now, we know what you are thinking . . . and yes, we did think about the years in jail we could have served for kidnapping this person; but as the writers of Hawk Talk, we couldn’t let our fans down, so we had to take a chance.  Once we got him away from the crowd, it took a while, but we eventually got him to spill his guts under one condition- we couldn’t publish it in Hawk Talk.  We agreed, realizing that since we had already broken every journalism rule in the book, what hurt does one more do? Now brace yourself.  This is the chronicled narrative of why Coach Brooks rescheduled the Roman game.
  “You see, it all started when my dad was just a cute little 11-year-old.  Young Gil was ready to go out for an electrifying night of trick-or-treating in his homemade panda bear costume; he was certain this would be a night to remember.  After a good luck kiss from his mom, little Gilly was excited to embark on a journey to collect all the sweet deliciousness he possibly could before his 9 o’clock curfew.  Much to his shock, his extraordinary happiness was struck down when just steps out the door he spotted Joey McCourt, currently Roman’s head coach, also in a panda bear costume.  He immediately ran back into the house and locked himself in his room.  After an hour of encouragement, his mom finally got him to come out and give trick or treating one last chance.  “After all,” she said, “you won’t be a kid for much longer.”  This hope was short-lived though.  When he stepped out of his house in optimism, he was greeted by the whole neighborhood, parents included, laughing and pointing at him.  You see, where he grew up, getting caught in the same Halloween costume as another kid was a mortal sin… social suicide!  My dad ran back into the house in tears, and has hated Halloween ever since.  You see, my dad was always very joyful as a kid, but since “the incident” he hasn’t been the same.  Eventually, he found comfort in football. Look at him now- he’s doing great as a coach, but he’s still not exactly the friendliest of characters, clearly the after effects of what happened on that Halloween night.  In order to move the game up, my dad used the excuse of a “Father-Daughter Dance” he had to attend, but he really rescheduled so that he would have an excuse not to go out on Halloween and help him forget that horrible episode once and for all. But most importantly to him, this was his chance to show up Joe McCourt on the same day that Joe showed him up so many years ago.”
   Didn’t see that coming, did you?  Well, after all of his excitement built up for the game, Coach Brooks was extremely angered when his team decided to skip warm-ups and instead trick or treat in the stands.  LB Mike Pereira dressed up as a Temple football player because he decided he wants to stay close to home.  Strangely enough this decision came after his relationship with Emily Williams became official.  Mike’s first choice was Girard College, until he realized it was not a real college.  Mike Yeager dressed up as Thurgood Marshall, "to show my respects to a man that not only changed the Supreme Court, but also the Civil Rights movement entirely."  In other words: to impress his girlfriend.  Mike Arcidiacono dressed up as his idol, Mark Arcidiacono.  Backup QB John Arena was Shane Falco, the backup QB played by Keanu Reeves in “The Replacements.”  He thought the idea was extremely funny but everyone assumed he was Neo from The Matrix. Carlton Blakney dressed up as Bow Wow and when a parent accidentally included the Lil'… things got a “lil” out of control.  RB Bill Bonner refused to dress up in fear of tainting his image, but did ask for candy in a variety of ways. "It shows my various personalities for my… various women."  Billy claimed that when he just stayed silent and smiled he was being the “laid back, quiet type for Francis.” When he asked for candy, then started crying he was “playing sensitive, for Regina.” And when he demanded candy he was being “controlling and upfront, as with Veronica,” yet when he secretly took candy and didn't tell anyone he was attempting to be “sneaky, as with Ashley.”   Junior Kicker/Punter Ron McCabe was comic book superhero "The Crimson Chin" yet did not wear any costume.  LB Stephen O'Hara dressed as someone who broke his hand.  Steve, we get it, it's seriously not funny anymore though, take the cast off.  Dan Levine dressed as a metro sexual but has yet to change. Andy Marshalick dressed as a fairy, violating school policy to not dress up as women to keep underclassman from being aroused, but Andy appealed the rule saying "Guys can be fairies too!"  In all, the team had a wonderful pre-game experience.
  The Hawks carried this good will right into the first offense drive, when on the fourth play from scrimmage QB Mark Giubilato barreled all the way to the one, setting up a Yeager touchdown.  I don’t know what Coach Brooks is doing, but this squad has been fired up and ready to play ever since the La Salle game.  Roman answered with a field goal from Kyle “I wish good looks ran in the family” Haber, but that was the extent of the Cahillites’ scoring in this one.  Prep answered with another Yeager TD and a 2 point conversion from Giubilato to TE Dan “Eager Beaver” McGeever.  Not much happened besides Prep highlights this game, as Garrett Compton added another 34 yard TD before the first quarter ended and another 72 yarder in his next carry.  Anthony Johnson (TD catch) and Kurt Skalamera (24 yd. FG) also added on points before the half, putting the lead at 38-3.  Bill Bonner took it to the house from nine yards out in the second half, and that was the last of the scoring for the game.
  Prep once again looked impressive defensively, led by Mike Pereira, who contributed 5 solo tackles and an interception. Frosh Safety Skyler Mornhinweg also had a pick, and is starting to play more like Chris Whitney everyday.
Games Notes:
-Since Friday was the last regular season game, we want to end the regular season right with our Season’s Captains Awards (much more respected than All-Catholic awards.) You can find these photos on each team’s respective team pages.
“Hardest” Group Picture – O'Hara (Honorable Mention: Father Judge- Would’ve taken home the crown but apparently Matt Schule didn't get the memo)
“Hardest” Single Pose – Tie between Mike Pereira (Prep) and Andrew Glace (O'Hara)
Happiest Group Picture – Roman in a landslide
Angriest Pose – Adam Nowak (Judge) …He hates the press.
Happiest Pose - John Matthews (Roman) -He seems to be giggling from one of Ted's jokes.
Most Confused Pose - Mark Arcidiacono (Prep) - He has never seen a camera before.
“Look alike” Pose - Joe Cassidy (O'Hara) looks just like Jeff Garvey. Might actually be the same person.
Cutest Pose - Drew Loughery (LaSalle) He is obviously nervous.
-Prediction: Since we were perplexed by the La Salle week one victory over Prep, we had no idea what will happen in this one.  So we went to LaSalle assistant coach Drew Gordon for some help: “Well, I promise I won’t play in this one.  Since Drew Loughery is no Drew Gordon, I’ll go Prep 24, La Salle 17.”

OCT. 25
CATHOLIC AAA
SJ Prep 38, Bonner 0
   You thought we forgot didn't you?  With the Flyers OT win over the Islanders this whole city, including the Hawk Talk crew, went into total pandemonium.  This huge distraction made us forget about the beating Prep gave Bonner, or that Bonner football existed for that matter.  It was a surprise AOL Instant Message on our company PC (we were pushing for a Mac, but apparently budget is a little tight this year.) This pleasant message from DE Mike McCreight on Friday night helped us remember:
  Mcr8isgrate: "I just wanted to let you know you messed with the wrong dude and that stuff you wrote about me in HawkTalk is gonna have your head pounding more than mine during a history test."
  HT: "What are you talking about?"
  Mcr8isgrate: "I'm talking about what you wrote about the Bonner-Prep game."
  HT: "We didn't write anything."
  Mcr8isgrate: "Well, in that case unless you write something I'm gonna beat you worse than every team in the Catholic league beats us."
  We decided to give him what he wanted, hoping he knows how to take a joke, (unlike most O’Hara kids) and that he is aware we know how to take a punch.  Seriously though, McCreight has been said to have started more fights than Don King, but has never actually fought before, he just starts them.  Not a big deal though, he’s from Havertown.
"Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day.
Little Mark wants to play.
  This was the cry from Mr. Giubilato as Prep started play in their 5th rain game. Mark Sr., or “Big Daddy Giubz” as he's known as by most parents, was yet again devastated that Mark was not able to use the arm he crafted for Little Marky when he was a young boy.  Since it was the 5th rain game for the Hawks, is has been confirmed that they play in more rain more than hippies shower in.  This fact is about as reliable as asking Jim Tadley for a ride.  Nonetheless Prep dominated.  On offense Mike Yeager and Garrett Compton had two touchdowns apiece.  Yeager was 7-121, taking his career total against Bonner to 23-345.  He was also a threat on the defensive side of the ball with an interception and more tackles than the entire Bonner defense. 
  McCreight tallied up ½ of a tackle.  He was matched up with Prep RT Seth Betancourt (7’7, 350 lbs.), and was on the ground more than Tom Savage (never gets old.)  After the game Mrs. McCreight was seen running in full sprint onto the field, pulling Mike by his ear and heard saying, "If you ever leave Havertown again without telling me you are going to get a lickin' mister!"
  Bonner captain Dave Smith was rumored to be out due to a cut on his ear lobe. An inside source (Irving John Baptist) told us otherwise.  It was said that during the pregame haircuts, he refused to leave his hat on, claiming "I want a full haircut for a change, not just the buzzed bowlcut that our entire school has. It gets boring, I want it my way for once." 
  “Then go to Burger King!” shouted Bonner coach Thomas Oropeza.  The entire team chuckled at this joke out of complete fear.  Smith was benched for the game and almost expelled from D-Hill for eternity.
  Giubilato had yet another good game rushing 4 times for 70 yards and a TD and completing one pass for 34 yards before exiting the game for the bench.  Bill Bonner also rushed 8 times for 46 yards and a score.
Games Notes:
-Special Appearance goes to "T-Will From D-Hill" who is gaining recognition all over Delco for his crazy raps.  He was in fact one of the 3 Bonner fans in the stadium, and 1 of 7 total.  However, he only stayed for the first 2 quarters, claiming he had to get back to 8 Mile.
-This was only Tom Pierce’s third game this season. He spent the first half posing as an 8th grader to play for the football dynasty known as Holy Cross.  Pierce got a 5'oclock shadow during one of their Friday night games and as soon as he removed his helmet during a timeout the opposing coach demanded a birth certificate.  Knowing the dream had died, Tom went to the center of Scullion Field and collapsed into the arms of fellow 8th Grade poser Buddy "Friend, Pal, Comrade, Companion" Ferro, who has yet to be caught.
-Matt “I’m not a wizard, I’m just the” Spellman is quite the athletic specimen yet does not receive the recognition he deserves.  Here is a short excerpt from his biography, titled “Matt Spellman: Stories of a Teenage Mutant Llama Pirate.”  In eighth grade, once a day, Matt’s older brother Marty would take Matt over to Shortridge Park in Narberth, a mere stones throw away from Matt's old stomping grounds. Once there, Matt would proceed to tackle any dogs that were playing at the park. Angered owners would attack him from all sides, but Matt, unfazed, would tackle anything in sight no matter how illusive it moved. Due to this ritual, Matt was tasered by the cops six times, maced by countless women, and tranquilized by Animal Patrol twice. He is 6'3, 242 (highly exaggerated by Bonner’s Roster) and was being recruited for Temple Basketball until former coach John Chaney left. Rumor is he was in the running for the position of "Goon."
  Note: Although Matt moved from the big little town of Narberth to the town of people that think they’re big (Havertown) he was quoted saying, "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still, I'm still Matty from the block."
  We went to Matt Basile, former Roman pupil and current Prep "student" for inside info on the Roman game:  "Yo, yo they all be my boys, but you my boys too, but you my current boys yo so it be like we got like 45 points and they get like 3 cus they be stinkin now, but Haber's bro got that iron boot. Illadelphia, what up?"

OCT. 17
CATHOLIC AAAA
SJ Prep 34, O'Hara 0
  After being called procrastinators, we decided to post this somewhat early; it will also give ample time for someone to read it to QB Tom “I’m kind of crazy, but don’t call me a” Savage.  This game was extremely hyped because it was “nationally televised” to all of about three people on ESPNU, but ended up being quite a disappointment as this contest was over in the first quarter. The last time St. Joe's Prep played on ESPNU George Bush was president, the popular music player was the iPod, and Chris Whitney ran the show the way an airplane stewardess explains the seatbelt, by example.  It was just two short years ago when Prep fell to Don Bosco in a hard fought game, and so much has changed for Prep since then, especially at quarterback. The 2006 season was Chris "Kansas Kannon" Whitney's last season as star QB/arm candy of Coach Brooks. Chris moved on to Villa-no-fun, and soon the NFL, leaving the QB position at the Prep wide open.  His backup was young Mark Giubilato, a confident sophomore who threw a touchdown in his only pass during the 2006 season.  The fact that it was an interception returned for a touchdown is beside the point. "It's still a touchdown," explained Giubilato.  He was thrown into the meaningless situation versus Archbishop Ryan after he transferred from O'Hara, where he started on JV as a freshman.  He was quick to let everyone know this detail, yet didn't talk much of his old schoolmate, and fellow quarterback, Tom Savage.  Let’s just say that Mark and Tom had somewhat of a falling out, and Mark’s heart hadn’t healed yet.  Until Friday night that is, when Mark got full revenge. And then some.
   When Whitney left though, Mark did not inherit the position right away. WR Aaron “Kentucky Kannon” Haas decided he wanted to play QB after threats of splitting from his girlfriend Megan FitzPatrick who "only dates quarterbacks."  Aaron stepped up under extreme pressure and won the starting spot much to the dismay of Giubilato.  “To be honest, we didn’t know how well Mark would fair considering he wasn’t formerly from a state that started with ‘K’,” said Brooks. “That was a risk we just weren’t willing to take.”  Giubilato transferred from “the O” after Savage not only stole his starting spot, but also his girlfriend. Seriously though, Tom currently is dating Mark’s former girlfriend.  Anyway, Giubilato sat another year behind Haas and trained for his chance to lead.  After a senior summer of incredibly impressive combines and camps, he committed to Temple, and was ready to focus on what he claims he was put on earth for: football.
  However, Mark wasn't the only player who sat behind a senior before earning some offensive starts.  Another is star RB Mike "Yeager Bombs" Yeager. Yeager lingered behind Jamir “Jamiricle” Livingston on the depth chart his Junior year. Jamir finally went on to play at Fordham after a sick highlight tape put him on the map (youtube that).  The running back position isn’t the only thing Mike and Jamir share, as Lauren “Lo” Sears-Rivera seems to have a sweet tooth for Senior Prep RB’s. “I can’t wait for my senior year,” freshman RB Eric Neefe was heard saying after Yeager and Sears-Rivera were seen canoodling after the Ryan game.  At first Giubilato was disappointed that Haas did not also pass down his girlfriend, but Mark is feeling better now because he has realized that he likes the younger girls anyway.  Speaking of girls, LB Mike Pereira was rumored to be “an item” with former DE Gary Williams' younger sister.  "Age is just a number," claims Pereira.
  Ohhh, you want the game report?  Well, some would say it’s easy to bash a team you just beat 34-0.  To be honest, it’s probably even easier than Malvern’s schedule.  O’Hara walked into the game undefeated, rallying off a remarkable overtime victory over Catholic League dynasty Archbishop Ryan, not to mention a dominating 7-0 triumph over Inter-ac powerhouse Haverford School just a few weeks earlier.  Fellow staff writer Ed “Yuck!” Palmer said it best: “OMG! This baby was as lopsided as the score indicates. And then some lolz!!!”  In all seriousness, the defense was absolutely dominant.  The physical front 7 consisted of DTs Andy Marshalick (1.5 sacks), Joe Ventresca (1.5 sacks), DEs Willy Mancini and Sean “Overreacts about HawkTalk” McGinn, and LBs Mike Pereira (1 sack), Mike Labor (1.5 sacks), and Steve O’Hara (1 sack.) In all, the Hawks tallied 8 sacks, and Savage spent more time on the ground than Mr. Comerer spends blogging (I guess it’s called?) on PaSportwire.
  On offense, Giubilato put up impressive numbers with 4 completions for 104 yards and 2 TD’s- one a pass and the other a 5 yard run that put the Hawks up 7-0. However, Savage showed, well . . . He finished the game throwing 10-27 with 71 yards and -36 rushing yards.  Any way you look at it, those are disappointing numbers from any quarterback, let alone one drawing comparisons to Georgia QB Matthew Stafford.
  Prep controlled the trenches on both sides of the ball.  The offensive monsters opened holes for a plethora of Prep rushers including Yeager (14-108), Garrett Compton (12-125), Mike Pereira (4-29) and Mike Labor (2-10). Yeager, Compton, Giubilato and Labor also all had rushing touchdowns, while Dan Turner’s was receiving.
Games notes:
-Going into the season, there seemed to be no doubt that Prep had the edge(ly) over “rival” Malvern.  After numerous Malvern blowouts and Prep’s two losses, along with a few other close games for the Prep, the conversation seemed to take a turn.  After this win huge win for the Prep, the argument is back on the table.  Since no one seems to agree on the subject, we turned to by far the smartest man on the face of the earth, Sherm “1600” McGilvery: “Hey guys! Sherm here.  I'll keep it short, so here we go.  O'Hara beat Haverford 7-0, Prep beat O'Hara 34-0 and Malvern beat Haverford 43-0.  In conclusion Haverford is horrendous and Prep would beat Malvern 63 to 11.  Don’t ask questions, just face the facts.”
-Although Savage seems to eat up all the attention he gets, he actually asked us not to mention him in our game report, in a personal letter he wrote to us. Just kidding, even THE Tom Savage is dying for a shout out. But seriously, who isn’t?
Dear Hawktalk,
  I love you guys so much. During the game sometimes when I drop back to pass, I think, “Maybe if I throw a touchdown here, I’ll get a HawkTalk shout-out.” Some say I have it all-- the D-1 scholarship, the cover of ESPN Rise Magazine, Mark Giubilato’s girlfriend, just to name a few-- but to be honest my heart will not be complete until you guys finally recognize me.  Seriously, I think you guys are the coolest.  But if you’re gonna make fun of me…Not cool.  So here's my idea, instead of hunting you down, beating you up and stealing your girlfriends (JK I already have Giubliato’s), I'm going to spare you two. As long as you are going to mention me, here's some stuff I want you to put.  First, the title. I know what you're saying, you don't usually have titles, but how about: “Savage is definitely no savage- His tan, impeccable, 6’5 frame leads O’Hara to crushing loss.” Also give me a quote. And please don’t misquote me like you do for every other person. Give me something like, “It’s not about my flowing blonde hair or perfect smile. And it’s not about the team either. It’s about waking up in the morning and knowing that I am the TRUTH.”  Next, go in depth about how long I've been starting, you could even do like a gas price comparison pie chart between then and now so you can truly see how long I've been a high school starting QB.   Wanna know how I get so good? I practice accuracy by throwing the football through the hoop earrings of the O’Hara girls during free periods at school.  Heck, I’ve been around so long, I’m the only current high school player to be mentioned in the original HawkTalk AND the new and improved one. Can you say stud?  Anyway, you guys are the best.  Message me on Facebook sometime when you get a chance. Amen.
Yours truly,
Tomcat xoxo
-After the game we put a call into Rutgers coach Greg Schiano about his QB recruit Tom Savage.  He laughed for about five minutes until he calmed himself down enough to tell us Savage is a punting recruit.  This explains everything.
-The only place we saw more bald heads than the O’Hara side was at the Prep Father-Son Communion Breakfast.  And for all those looking for small business ideas, just open a shoe store in Springfield that only sells Timberlands and Uggs.
-Did we mention that Savage goes out with Giubilato’s former girlfriend? Just making sure.
-It is rumored that Bonner LB Mike McCreight has been suspended by Monsignor Bonner coaches for Bonner’s upcoming game against Prep for being friends with too many Prep kids.
-After the game LB Steve O'Hara changed his last name to Prep and beat up his cousin Dan O'Hara, getting yet another victory for Prep.  Billy Bonner also vowed to change his name if they beat Bonner this weekend.  Bill’s prediction?  “56-0. And that’s if McCreight plays. 14-7 if he doesn’t. JK me and McCreight are such good friends.”

OCT. 11
NON-LEAGUE
SJ Prep 51, Cheltenham 23
   We’re sorry.  We yet again did not show on Saturday.  Honestly though, who did?  These last few games have been throwaways, getting about as much coverage as Paris Hilton's body.  However, the Hawks have been playing some good football, putting more points on the board than Kyle Mullen in a H.S. CYO Basketball game.  This game was no different.  The Hawklets traveled to Cheltenham High and beat them worse than Mike Talvacchia the day report cards are issued. The weird thing was, when we asked two people about the game, RB/WR Bill Bonner and team manager Mike Arcidiacono, we got two extremely different accounts as to what happened.
  Mike’s view of the game on the whole: “It was a DISASTER. In the first half, everyone was freaking out because we were losing, and everyone was extra sweaty, it was gross.  Of course, I was behind the scenes making sure everyone got their favorite flavor of Gatorade, their slightly moist but not wet towels, and their immediate massages whenever they need them, but I don’t want any of the credit for this win, it’s just not me. To say the least though, this game was the toughest of them all.”
  Bill’s view of the game: “It was a breeze, brah. Bro’s actually thought we were trying in the first half, but we were just toying with them. We do it pretty much every game, brah. You see, we straight chill in the first half, so the other team thinks they have a chance, then we turn it up a notch in the second half, kinda like I do in the tanning booth. Did I mention I had 3 touchdowns?”
  Inevitably, the next topic was Bill’s 3 touchdowns. Again, we got each of their opinions on what they saw.
  Mike’s view of the 3 touchdowns:
  “It's the third quarter and Billy Bonner is having a breakout game…too bad no one's here to see it!  Hahaha, I crack myself up. Seriously, though, no one comes to our games, I get more of a crowd at my CYO Volleyball games, but my team’s sick so that's another subject. Anyway, what was I talking about?  Oh, yeah, the game, from my view, as in the sideline, I was just minding my own business, trying to stay as far away from Coach Brooks as possible, when I saw Mike Pereira run out of bounds on the one while bobbling the ball.  He most likely forgot he was on offense, or even playing football. He sometimes forgets he's driving in the morning, and not like he forgets that it’s his turn to drive and doesn't show up, he literally forgets he's driving, as he's driving.  He drives a Saab, but I guess you don't want to hear my sob story about our accident so I'll get back to the game.  Hahaha, anyone catch that, Saab…sob? I bet our receivers did, they catch everything, but back to the game. Billy Bonner just scampered in for a 1 yard TD.  I don't know what my cousin sees in him, like seriously. Earth to Regina: If you know how to read yet, dump him.  I mean I like Billy, well, actually I don't like him at all, so dump him.  Anyway, did I tell you about my CYO Volleyball team yet?  I'm getting some looks from Penn State, and I know what you're thinking, ‘Why don't you hold a conference like your cousin Mark?’ The answer is simple: I'm not as cocky as Mark. All day he’s all ‘Oh, I’m going to Penn State, I’m the man,’ but I'm more laid back and humble. I mean as soon as PSU Altoona signs the papers, I'll officially be a Nittany Lion.  Wow, as I was talking Bill Bonner stole yet another TD, this time it was Dan Turner who was brought down at the five. All Billy had to do was punch it in, kinda like what I want to do to his face.  Anyway, back to my stor-Billy again?!? Are you kidding me, I'm about to strap up and play for Cheltenham.  What's that you say?  Coach Brooks wants me to go in?  Tell him I don’t want to. I’m a diva and I know it, and you can tell him I said that, too.”
  Billy’s account: “I was just chillin, thinking of Haley Rooney, when Coach Brooks is all ‘Billy, you gotta go in to score a touchdown, hurry up!’ I’m all like ‘yo, chill son I got this.’ Of course, it was just like a walk on the beach. Usually running backs are all nervous in the backfield, like not chill and stuff. You know how when you’re nervous about a speech you should picture the crowd in their boxers? Well, I picture the other side of the line of scrimmage as the ocean, and all those defenders are just surfer brahs. Then I’m just living it up, and all I gotta do is take the ball and walk into the end zone, because my O-line makes those defenders crash to the ground like waves. Then I just run back to the sideline and let everyone admire my perfectly symmetrical body.  After that, it’s just like shampoo instructions: Rinse and Repeat. I repeated a second and third time, but after my third TD, it got boring, so I didn’t feel like repeating anymore.”
  Defensively, LB Mike “Deb” Labor played an outstanding game, along with Bill Mancini and the rest of the D-line. We also got a preview of the bright future for the Hawks, as freshman S Skylar Mornhinweg had 2 INT’s, including an acrobatic diving catch. “For a moment there I thought it was Chris Whitney,” explained a gloomy Coach Brooks, as a tear rolled down his cheek. He barely made out a “you have to let those you love go,” before completely breaking down in the arms of assistant coach “Milk” Carton Rogers.
  The receiving corps of Anthony Johnson (1-30), Bill Bonner (2-49), and Dan Turner (2-107) gave the offense that “big play” aspect that it has been lacking all season. This is a huge relief to the O-line, which has been carrying the offense on their back from the beginning.  If Turner and co. can keep this up, the offense will be much more dangerous come playoff time, and it will give the O-line a much better chance to stay healthy if once in a while they can get a quick score instead of grinding out long, gruesome drives. 
Games Notes:
  -This game featured no field goals, so for all you nerds out there who know 51 is not divisible by seven and you are wondering what gives, our kicking team fell apart like cheap suit.  First, Brendan Glynn showed up without his pads, still “suffering” from his made-up injury.  Kurt Skalamera then turned his ankle leaving the responsibility to Rob McCabe.  After missing three consecutive kicks he pulled a muscle, and therefore got pulled from the game.  It was then up to Bill "The Kicking Mule" Mancini, who missed his only attempt.  To be honest, I haven't seen so many missed kicks since I played soccer with Stevie Wonder.
  -On Tuesday, Prep fútbol (soccer, for those of you who don’t know German) fell to North Catholic in a friendly match, 1-0. The team was supported by 18 faithful fans, who were notably far less colorful than the groups that attended the Judge and La Salle games.  However, North Catholic parents called the school and complained to Mark “Hooligan” Halligan, accusing these witty and original fans of being out of line, threatening to take their complaints to major media outlets (I'm sure CNN is dying for this story.)  Tennis maverick Joe Boyle was thrust into yet another scandal and is not allowed to attend the O'Hara game.  Hopefully he will be able to view the game at the house of one of the 3 people in America that have ESPNU.  (Note: North Catholic parents were actually the ones that tried to disband the original HawkTalk.)
-Our prayers go out to RB Allen Mack, who just 2 carries into the game sustained a season-ending injury. As of Thursday, Allen was still in the hospital. We wish you the best Allen.
-QB Mark Giubilato had a breakout game, giving the Hawks some diversity on offense, completing 5 of 12 passes for 186 yards and a touchdown. He also rushed for a score. It seems as though the Hawks are clicking on all cylinders at just the right time, as they host rival O’Hara this week. Playoffs are right around the corner and hopefully the team will be in full stride by then. As for the upcoming game, if the Prep secondary can stop the underachieving, yet somehow underrated Tom Savage, Giubilato will get revenge on his old school: Prep-27  O’Hara-21.

 

OCT. 4
CATHOLIC AAAA
SJ Prep 42, Ryan 7
   On Saturday, St. Joe's Prep voyaged to the concrete jungle, also known as the Northeast, but better known as home of Gary Barbara's Dodge, Chrysler and Jeep land.  Is Barbara The Best? Boy I Guess.  Prep whomped Archbishop Ryan in a win almost as lopsided as the 1964 presidential election (can you say incumbent?)  Honestly though, the HawkTalkers (Sounds like an Animal Planet show) didn't go to the game.  Sean took a nap after the SATs, and Mike attended the Bonner-Haverford game.  Sean described his dream as a double nightmare. Have you ever had a bad dream when you wake up in a cold sweat, relieved that it’s not true? Well Sean dreamed that Prep lost to La Salle, and then woke up, and the reality ended up being even worse than the nightmare itself. Mike, after being kicked out of the Bonner student section for making an intelligent joke, ("How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes") made his way to the Haverford sideline, where the joke went over extremely well. Anyway, although Bonner lost, 19-0, those in attendance know it was much closer.  The only issue was how The Haverford School for Boys K-12 got away with talking more trash than Mike Tyson.  We would love to know what Bonner coach Tom Oropeza must’ve said to keep his team from showing the boys from The Haverford School some good-old-fashioned D-Hill hospitality.  We apologize for this being so late, but we didn't even want to write a game report.  However, after incessant phone calls from our agent Drew Rosenhaus, we caved in, so here it is.
  The game started with Prep losing the coin toss when LT Mark Arcidiacono chose Heads which was wrong.  He then argued saying that he thought the ref was asking what he smashes all day, everyday (Can I get a Hell Yeah!).  The defense showed their dominance from the first possession after they made Ryan go three and out. They punted and Mike Yeager elected to fair catch.  On Prep's first possession Mark Giubilato threw for a touchdown…not.  Sorry, we'll try to keep this serious.  Giubilato handed off to Yeager for a 65 yard touchdown, except Yeager didn't celebrate, he just kept running, all the way back to New Jersey.  This brought out a different side of the usually calm and collected Coach Brooks.  He was quoted as saying, "Cheese and Crackers, where am I going to find a running back? Judas Priest!"  As all the Prep players were hiding under the bench, RB Allen Mack cleared the cobwebs out of his helmet, buckled his chinstrap, stretched and hydrated because he was about to run more than a La Salle kid's mouth.  So after Boobie Miles, I mean Mike Yeager left, 3rd string RB Chris Comer, I mean Allen Mack stepped in to receive handoffs from Mike Winchell, I mean Mark Giubilato.  He danced his way into the end zone 4 times and racked up 192 yards, 189 more than he had all season.  After the first touchdown he tried to get more creative, but ended up being as creative as coin collecting (SAT Passage!).  Mack showed his speed running though holes made by the Girard Avenue Goons -- actually scratch that, he was running though chasms.  Freshman RB Eric Neefe also racked up a touchdown as he hustled during his 2 carries for 25 yards. “I hustle so hard, I could sell salt to a slug.” In terms of the passing game, Giubilato threw the ball only once. Junior TE Brett Meyer caught Giubilato’s lone pass, ripped off his jersey, flashed his beater to the non-existant student section, and was sent back down to JV. Brett is still optimistic that he’ll be that missing puzzle piece come playoff time. Ryan struggled on offense only having 19 rushes for 21 yards on the ground and 10 completions for 86 yards through the air.  Michael Talvacchia even commented, "Their quarterback, Rus Slawter, was in more danger than my 401(K)."
Game Notes:
-The first teamers spent most of the time on the sideline huddled around former Prep QB Kevin Stefanski, listening to stories about how Prep used to beat every team this bad.
-Punter Brendan Glynn was sidelined with "blood clots."  He was quoted after as saying, "Jacky says I got blood clots, but I ain't even Jamaican man, my story's now in Hawktalk, and I used to be just a fan, this right here, is history in the making man."
-While examining the team’s stats this week, we noticed that receivers Bill Bonner and Dan Turner had very similar numbers. Dan notched 4 catches for 57 yards while Bill also tallied 4 catches, but for just 56 yards, one yard less than Dan. This brought us back to the glory days, freshman year, when if there wasn’t a thrilling movie or an exciting mixer, mini golf and bowling were always very solid backup plans. Bill and Dan were good friends, if not best friends at this time. In the mix of all this, there was a lovely young lady, by the name of Meg Young, whom both boys were simultaneously trying to impress. One particular Friday night Prep mixer, when Bill noticed that Dan was also interested in Meg, he decided to take things up a notch. Thinking he would make an electrifying impression on Meg, and in attempt to wipe out Dan from the race for this girl’s heart, he challenged Dan to a dance-off. Although Dan is estimated to be 6’3, 83 pounds, making him the 3rd lankiest kid on the face of the earth behind John Kaufmann and Mike Payne, he could hold his own on the dance floor. Bill started with his routine to the song “Shape of My Heart,” by the Backstreet Boys. “I was so glad when it came on. I was getting worried that nothing dance-worthy would play,” Bill remarked. “I was afraid crucial points would be taken off my performance if nothing good came on. My mom helped choreograph so she would’ve been just heartbroken if a bad song was the determining factor.” Bill amazed all through the art of break dancing, which he is an expert at. “I was definitely impressed,” commented Meg, watching from the crowd. Bill received a 9.2 out of 10, from an all-star cast of judges including Joey “Perfect Game is my Middle Name” Nawn, the always pleasant and all-adored John Coffey (stop giving me JUG, I know you read this) and a questionable third judge, Ed Turner, who is Dan’s Brother. “Bill had all the right ideas, but his delivery was a little off,” Nawn responded. “With a little work from old Joey-cat (referring to himself), this competition would’ve been over before it started.” Dan followed up with a performance to “Build Me Up Buttercup,” by the Temptations. Dan was average throughout his performance but ended with what is called the “The Turner Shuffle” handed down from his father Ed “Twinkle Toes” Turner. “I watched young Eddie (now baseball coach and Latin teacher at the Prep) do it in high school,” said Mr. O’Brien, who has been at the Prep for like 100 years. “Now it is amazing to see Danny do it nearly 10 years later.  Plain and simple, ‘The Turner Shuffle’ works every time.” Dan ended up receiving a score of 9.3, edging out Billy by .1 points to take the crown and the girl. Since then, Bill and Dan have had somewhat of a falling out, mainly because Dan makes sure to show off Meg in front of Bill at any chance he gets. “It’s whatevs,” claims Bill.
-Did anyone see the O'Hara and Malvern practice pictures just put up?  Workin hard or hardly workin? Right? Right?
-Avid Prep sports fan Mike Schell, All Catholic golfer and brother of Prep football legend TE Steve 07', arrived to at the game to an empty student section.  Seeing this and craving immediate entertainment, he decided he wanted to get in the game after he has gained so much confidence since Steve moved out.  He was able to jump Dainius "Croation Sensation" Volertas, steal his pads and jersey, and sub himself in on special teams.  He remained unnoticed until a tied-up Volertas came to the sideline claiming he was beaten with a 5 iron (the very club Mike used to get All-Catholic as a Junior), tied up and left behind the stadium.  As all this was happening, Mike ran back a kick without even bending his knees, truly miraculous.  Or as Niko "#2" Amato would say, "Oh that Mike, what a clown."
  On a sad note, Mike Scannapieco went down with what seems to be a season ending injury.  Peico personifies what it means to be a Prep football player with his immeasurable amount of heart.  Although he is smaller in size for a linebacker, he made up for it with a work ethic that was unmatched and a tenacious will to win.  He also hit harder than a Mack® Truck.  Sources report that his brother Pat, Flag Football extraordinaire, may suit up.  These reports have not been denied by either party, but Pat supposedly holds prior contracts with the Rooftop Organization Towel Football League, or more commonly, ROTFL.
  Mike Pereira Real Moment of the Week as told by Mark Arcidiacono: “We were on the way to the game, and I’m sitting next to Pereira, which was a huge mistake to begin with. As we're driving, we see a billboard for that stupid Disney channel movie ‘Grade School Musical 3’ or whatever it’s called (trying to act like he doesn’t watch it religiously.) So anyway, Pereira sees the billboard, and squeals with glee. ‘I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THAT!’ Pereira says. ‘I already told my mom I’d take her to see it opening night!’ Keep in mind that we have a game to play in an hour. Now, put that in Hawk Talk or I’ll smash your face in.” We might not be scared of Yeager in the least bit, but yes, we are scared of the 7’5, 420 lb. Arcidiacono (Mark that is, not Mike.)
  Many may know Allen Mack from the Nickelodeon documentary of his life, "The Secret World of Allen Mack," which was on the SNICK line-up.  However, Allen wasn't the only football player that spent his youth on Nickelodeon.  Other players in the area growing up in the limelight include:
-Kevin Forster (LaSalle) in, "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
-Mark Giubilato (SJP) in "My Life as a Teenage Robot."
-Tom Savage (O'Hara) in "Clueless."
-Dan McGeever (SJP) in "The Angry Beavers."
-James Connelly (Malvern) in "As Told by Ginger."
-Richie Rosati (Episcopal) and Brendan Gutierrez (Bonner) in "The Brothers Garcia."
-Kurt Skalamera (SJP) in, "Just for Kicks.”
-Dan Friedman (SJP) in, "The Adventures of Dan Friedman: Boy Genius."
-Kevin and Dennis Regan (Roman) in, "My Brother and Me." 
-And finally, Prep Football 03' in, "The Wonder Years." All joking aside, Prep football is indeed "All That!" (lol)

 

SEPT. 27

CATHOLIC AAAA

SJ PREP 22, FATHER JUDGE 18

  Prep slipped by Judge like a greased up turkey on Thanksgiving, which reminds us of last Thanksgiving when Prep slaughtered Malvern, 33-6.  Anyway, I guess we don't have an excuse for this close win. I mean, it wasn't as close as Ian Correia and Trish Hayden, but it was still pretty close.  However, according to star running back Mike "Who stole my sleeves?" Yeager, nobody would dare to make fun of the football players.  This made us decide to cancel HawkTalk, much to the chagrin of La Salle football players (Sorry fellas, send me the friend request and we'll stay in touch!).   Immediately after posting this we were paid a visit by classmate, Francis "Pantless" Hansens, whose first name rhymes with his last…weird.  He was livid to say the least as a result of the cancellation, and said he spends his nights hitting refresh, waiting for the new edition.  We were speechless and things quickly escalated to become a shouting match between Francis and himself.  He was directly quoted as saying, "Yeager couldn't hold my jock-strap, and I know I don't play sports, but I wear a jock-strap because of the added protection!"  We responded, "Who are you and how do you know where we live?"  However, before he could creep us out even more, we promised an article to get him to leave. Therefore, all jokes are attributed to Francis Hansens, because we felt as if we were in danger after angry and somewhat provocative e-mails from McCr8isGr8@HavertownRules.org. Whoever you are, take it out on Francis for now on.

  In this special Francis edition, we took our reporting to a whole new level to give you, our reader, a look behind the scenes.

10:00 PM. On A Thursday. Villanova, PA. Sean and Mike watch "Always Sunny in Philadelphia."  Sean cracks that it should be called "Always Funny in Philadelphia, despite various seasons and unpredictable weather conditions."  Mike laughs to make him feel good, but this title is obviously way too verbose.  “DVD on TV” then comes on after the show, during which we alternate taking baseball bat smashes at the television.  It's that show where they premier a movie that wasn't even good in theatres, and gives the viewer unnecessary information about the production.  This week it was Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  Johnny Depp was originally cast as John Smith, but turned it down after being overworked with other movies he was shooting.  "What they don't tell you is that Angelina is a home wrecker!" Sean shouted as he Louisville slugged the bejesus out of his TV. (Sorry Mom)

  7:00 PM. On A Saturday.  Plymouth Whitemarsh, PA.  The game was nothing to write home about, so I just called my dad instead.  Judge (no not Dan) jumped to a 9-0 lead.  The first score came after a snap flew over punter Brendan Glynn's head.  Due to a combination of his white-man hops and speed, he missed the ball and it took him approximately 3 minutes to get it.  His crucial mistake was that he tried to rake it up instead of scoop it, resulting in a safety.  This was hilarious to the Haverford lax team, who laughed uncontrollably for the rest of the game.  "Rake it? Really?" laughed Dan Wigwrizer, the best goalie in the world.  The next score came from RB Joe "I can't" Swallow, after the 33-yard connection between QB Tony Smith and WR Adam Nowak.  They had the same kind of chemistry as QB Dan Judge and WR Michael John "Best Hands This Side of the Mason Dixon" McGinn did freshman year. We miss you Dan…you, too MJ. 

  Luckily, before all hope was as lost as Mike Arcidiacano during a Father Skechus Chemistry class, Dan Casey recovered a muffed punt to revive the team.  We asked Dan how he kept his composure. He nonchalantly responded, "I just got natural ice in my veins."  So thanks to Dan "Natural Ice in my Veins" Casey, Prep was in prime scoring position.  After a strike thrown by Mark Giubilato to Dan "Eddie" Turner, the Hawks were on the board, and now only down by the safety they yielded, which for all you who aren’t football fans, you just love Hawk Talk, it is 2 points.  Since they had the lead and the first possession of the second half, Judge should have run the clock down to end the first half.  Instead, they went for the end-zone but ended up going 3 and out giving Mike "No more nicknames because we're so scared of you" Yeager the opportunity to punch in another touchdown before the end of the half.  Judge had the chance to retaliate in the 3rd quarter but after some penalties, they were left with a fourth and 40, totally normal in the world of NFL Blitz 2000.  Personally, I would have run ‘Da Bomb’ with the Minnesota Vikings Dante Culpepper-Randy Moss connection.  Anyway, they punted (typical).  Hey, we don't profess to be coaches, but if we had a nickel for every team that punted on fourth down we'd be rich men.  After a wasted series by Prep, Judge TE Ryan Langdon found his way into the end zone with a 7 yard reception.  The 2-point conversion was unsuccessful leaving them with a 15-14 lead, but not for long.  Yeager took it in for yet another touchdown, followed by a two point conversion by Giubilato, making it 22-15.  Judge K Pat Schultz later kicked a 38 yard FG but it just wasn't enough as Prep ran down the clock and secured the win, 22-18.
Game Notes:

-- Both defenses played well causing each other to fumble more than a La Salle kid taking to a girl (©HawkTalk ’05) . Notable players included Mike Pereira, who earlier in the week was quoted at lunch as saying, “I love playing with this bag so much.” (This isn’t funny because it’s true.) Steve O'Hara also had quite the game with 9 tackles (7 solo, 2 TFL).   

-- The Girard Avenue Goons once again came to work with their hardhats, making more holes in Father Judge's defense than in George Bush's foreign policy (lol). Matt Dykan was by far the best of all the linemen.

-- Anthony "AJ" Johnson led the receiving core with 3 receptions for 90 yards.  "I owe who I am to Mike "Lil Obe$" Oberlies, he taught me everything I know. I just wish I could rap like him. ’Lil Obe$ (album dropping in early August) spits straight lava."  Mike "Manuel" Labor also had 3 catches for 51 yards.

-- St. Joe's Prep soccer beat nationally ranked Judge in double overtime but our hats go off to Judge because they tried really hard, almost as hard as Ben Fagan tries with Ashley “Tease” Rufo.  However, we were unable to witness this game because Ben a.k.a. "Pat Brown's Cousin" told us the game was cancelled. Jerk.
  4:23 AM The Sunday after the game. Newtown Square, PA. The Hawk Talk crew camps outside QB Mark Giubilato's House in Mike's '93 Nissan Maxima, which still runs great and has picked up more girls than Mark Wahlberg in his prime (brother Brian used to drive it).  Our mission? Spy on this Temple-bound QB in an attempt to see exactly what he does on a normal weekend day.
  5:48 AM Giubilato comes BACK from his early run (he was out before we got there at 4:23.)
  5:51 AM Younger brother Christian gets thrown out of an upstairs window after we hear Mark yelling something about "not being tough enough" and "never being able to make it at the Prep."
  12:54 PM We see Mike Pinchotti riding down the street on his limited edition Barbie© Razor scooter.  He meets Giubilato in the driveway and they jump into Giubs’ 2003 Chevy Yukon.
  12:55 PM Neighbor Dan Sweeney seen peering out the window, crying.
  1:13 PM Long time BFF's Giubs and Pinch arrive at the mall.
  1:21 PM Pinch wants Burger King from the food court, but Giubilato reminds him that all that greasy fat will go straight to his hips. The two companions finally decide on Ruby's. "I just love the old-fashioned feel!" exclaims Giubilato.
  1:35 PM The M&M's, as Coach Brooks calls them, finish sharing their double-strawed strawberry milkshake in a fake fight, ending with Pinchy smearing the leftover whipped cream on Giubilato's cheek. "I don't like to fight, just make up," explained Mike. "Marky Pooh is just too adorable to be mad at for more than a few seconds."
  1:39 PM "The M&M's" walk into Hollister, where they look to get special discounts from Hollister employee and Prep Special Teams All-Star Dan Levine.  However, Levine ends up having to throw them out because of their constant bickering over which color polo looks better on Pinch. "But Pinchy," complains Giubilato, "the orange really brings out the beautiful color of your eyes." "MY EYES ARE HAZEL!" cries Pinch as he wails his way out of the store.
  1:51 PM After getting grossed out by following around the "Couple of the Week," (awarded by Mark Halligan in the Prexpectations) we ditched them and decided to wander around the mall.
  1:55 PM We walk by EB Games to see none other than the man, the myth, the legend himself, H. Carton Rodgers, camped outside in a tent waiting for the newest Halo release.  We witness a fight with a store clerk, and he gets booted from the store.  "Don’t tell ANYONE,” he pleads. “I'm on thin ice after the whole Roman Band incident when I was in High School." (We'll save that story for a rainy day)
  1:56 PM Who do we run into next?  None other than Father Judge stud WR’s Tommy Ryan and Adam Nowak, fresh off defeat.
  Sean: "What are you doing here?"
  Tom Ryan: "Following around Giubs and Pinch… what are you doing here?"
  Sean: "Ummmm, following Giubs and Pinch, but…"
  Adam Nowak: "Listen to this crazy idea: in retaliation, we're going to steal Giubs’ car."
  Mike: "You stole his keys?"
  Judge: (break out laughing) "We're from the Northeast, you don't think we know how to hotwire a car? And if you don't tell him we did it, then we won't beat you up."  This sounded like a fair trade so we stayed as quiet as the Brooks family dinner after the La Salle game.
  2:54 PM- M&M's come out to a missing car. "Pudgy Bear, I toooold you to close the sun roof!" whined Pinch. "Shut up Michael, you’re the one who was singing Miss Independent to all of traffic on the way, you’re the one who forgot to close it!"  Out of nowhere comes Malvern's star RB James Connelly from behind a car. "It was Bill Bonner!  Bill Bonner stole it! Oh gosh I'm so happy I saw this. I have to call Fran right away," proclaimed James.  He was immediately reprimanded by Mall Security for a severe case of what they referred to as "Gingervitis."
  Ryan and Nowak claim they were going to give it back on Thursday, Mark's 18th Birthday, but due to some things getting out of their control, that became impossible.  "I mean, Tom's a good kid, but he just got involved with some bad people at a young age," explained Nowak.  "He got into that Pokemon card dealing, but it's my fault for letting him use the car to make a drop." Tom told us his side of the story, "It was supposed to be a simple trade, Pikachu for Charizard. They knocked me out and when I woke up they had taken everything.  They even took the car, but more importantly, my collection was gone, poof, just like that."  Tom swears he's out the game now, "It's just too risky these days, a man's word means nothing anymore."  The car was found stripped and abandoned in the middle of Fairmount Park.
  After everything, Giubilato keeps a positive attitude, "I figure it’s better for me anyway. Now I have a reason to run to school, or maybe even sleep over in the weight room. Oh, you want a prediction for your stupid little BirdTalk?  Me 40 - Ryan 0, Respek."

SEPT. 20
CATHOLIC AAAA
La Salle 31, SJ Prep 17
  The game was a hoax.  We were hosed, tricked, swindled and downright got cheated on worse than Jennifer Anniston. So stop the presses, parades, and excessive Facebook groups commemorating the win. After reading this you'll all agree that this win was phonier than a Tony Little infomercial (apologies to the 95% of readers that have a Tony Little product in their basement). At first, thinking about what to write after the game was almost as painful as watching the game itself. We initially wanted to write about the soccer game, a 2-1 victory for the Prep, but we realized nobody would read it, and we would probably get bored writing it. We even thought about writing a piece on Prep's now senior class dominance in the sport of backyard football, much like normal football for people who lack stamina, dedication, and an overall concept of fair play (Mike T).  We also considered publishing the poems given to us by Bonner LB Mike McCreight titled, Eating the doughnut: The diatribes of a winless season. But when it came down to it, we couldn't and wouldn’t sell out our school like a Jackson 5 reunion tour. We can’t let LaSalle win both on the field and off and we would never admit that La Salle was better.  We knew there was something everyone was missing, a piece that if found, would finish this puzzle of a loss.  A team that’s all around softer than a Tempur-pedic® Moonbounce (imagine that) and lost to Malvern by 26 just beat Prep by 14?  Didn't make sense to us either, so we did what we do best, no not “slam dancing” at Prep mixers, because we are not delinquents. Instead we compiled facts and tried to get some answers.  We couldn't question anyone at La Salle because of the incessant parades throughout Wyndmoor, so we went to La Salle head coach Drew Gordon’s house.  We felt like Chris Hansen the way his face turned white when we asked to come inside to discuss the game. He said, “No comment,” shut the door in our faces, and blasted “We are the champions my friend” as we slowly walked away. We had an inside source in former St. Aloysius CYO legend and current LaSalle basketball stud Tom Cooney, who wouldn’t comment on the game but called archrival Dan “Fitty” Fitzpatrick “Softer than my dad, which I thought was impossible.”  We tried to get more out of Tom, but he collapsed a lung in excitement over the victory, hindering his speech quite a bit. After this, we were dangerously lost in La Salle country. However, amid the smiles and popped collars we did not feel threatened in the least. The Explorers were actually very friendly, almost overly friendly, which immediately became creepy on every level so we tried to get out as fast as possible. Although we were lost, we weren’t as lost as the stock market these days… (Thanks for the cleaver joke dad!), but we needed an answer and found it in the writings of our strict boss Ted “dy Bear” Silary.  It had been brought to our attention that Prep had lost even though Brett Gordon, the so-called brains behind the La Salle offense, was on a honeymoon in Hawaii.  We pulled up the quote from Ted via our company iPhone (all staff writers get one) and examined it like we were Mr. Coffey in a throng of students looking for top-buttons without a home. The quote read as follows, "Brett was missing Saturday with a five-star excuse. He and his bride, Tanya, were honeymooning in Hawaii," stated Ted. "Yeah, while we're sweatin' things out, he's on a helicopter tour," [LaSalle Head Coach] Drew said, laughing hysterically at his own joke. "I finally talked to him [Saturday] night. I'm picking them up at the airport at 6 o'clock Wednesday morning. He said, 'Make sure you bring a copy of the film.' '' This made us a little suspicious and gave us a hunch, but there was only one way to find out. On Wednesday morning at 4:00 a.m. we hopped into Sean’s sporty yet gas friendly Mazda 3 (“zoom-zoom” is right) and headed to Philadelphia International Airport, stopping in Chester first to say hello to some old friends. At the end of this eco-friendly trip we arrived at the airport fashionably early at 5:00 a.m. and we waited. And waited…and played I-spy, and waited, and sampled the latest Cheetah Girl’s album (surprisingly more Cheetah-licious that the previous album but we have some minor complaints – check our blog for the full review).  We continued to wait but no plane from Hawaii ever came, confirming our suspicions. A good journalist always has concrete proof, so we decided to investigate. No plane to Hawaii was even scheduled to arrive Wednesday.  We knew it.  There was no honeymoon, no Hawaii, maybe not even a Tanya but that didn't matter anymore, what mattered is we were fooled so bad Mr. T wouldn't even pity us.  You see, Brett Gordon, who set records at La Salle and later became star quarterback at Villanova* was there the whole time, he just had a different view during this one: staring down Mike Pereira along with the rest of Prep's defense.  He was wearing number 8, posing as junior QB Drew Loughery, dissecting the Prep’s defense like his name was Mr. Milewski on a lab day. Prep’s rushing yards eclipsed La Salle’s due to the fact that Mark Arcidiacano and the rest of the self-proclaimed “Girard Street Goons” created more holes than Stanley Yelnats. The running game was headlined by Mike Yeager, who had 143 yards on 23 carries and slashed through La Salle’s defense like he was Wal-Mart® and they were prices, but it just wasn’t enough to compete with Gordon’s bionic arm. QB Mark Giubilato struggled throughout the game leaving him with a completion percentage equivalent to that of Jesuit Hall. We hope he’ll regain his confidence…but hopefully not all of it. Joseph “Perfect Game’s My Middle Name” Nawn is going to be busy this weekend compiling evidence for yet another case of Athletic Dishonesty. We suggest you just turn yourself in Brett Gordon, because you do not want “The Texas Rattlesnake” a.k.a. Mr. “Stone Cold Steve Austin” Dykan to come and find you.
*not as good as Chris Whitney
Game Notes:
-Prep “lax” Star Brendan “Grown Man” Glynn recently joined the football team to punt. He did not start because this was his first game and during warm-ups he aimed all his punts at CB Kevin Forster. Kevin was hit several times because it was too dark to see the ball (in his brother’s shadow).
-We were invited to the LaSalle Mixer this Friday night, the invitation read as follows:
“It's a LaSalle mixer. You dance, party, meet playful, interesting girls and/or guys and have fun! At the end, we promise that you can hug it out with the lacrosse team, which according to our very own Coach Bill Leahy, they do after every practice.”
-The following is a true account on what happened in the trainer’s office at school before the La Salle game. As LB Mike Pereira was getting ready, "Few of My Favorite Things" by Frank Sinatra started playing on the radio. Some of Mike’s teammates poked fun at Pereira saying that his three favorite things were Christmas, puppies and rainbows. He smiled, "Close! You got two right,” giggled young Michael, “but my three favorite things are Christmas, puppies and My Birthday.” (We really wish that was a joke.)
-As we were walking off the field practically drowning in our own self pity, we were thwarted by some Malvern Preparatory School students.  After last week's game report we were scared that they came to jump us "Malvern" style (hire someone to do it for you), so we emptied our pockets and pleaded with them to spare us.  They laughed to each other saying they came merely to show good sportsmanship, an Inter-Ac trademark, and invite us to their crazy blowout bonfire later in the night. They assured us that their "boys" Matt Ryan, and football star Joe Price could easily get us in, yo. Some may know Matt from frequently loitering in Manoa Shopping Center, but Price, a Malvern WR having a breakout year, however, wanted us to come and help him blow off some steam after he was recently disowned by all of Havertown for his choice to attend Malvern. “He goes there on purpose? He told us it was a correctional facility, and it was either that or the big house,” exclaimed Havertown representative Ford Coacher. Mike Payne was also quoted as saying, “My fingers are abnormally long, plus why would you go to Malvern? Carroll ’09 lolz!” The J6 ended up overruling Matt and Joe on their invitation to the bonfire, but we’re still hopeful.
-OK…we'll admit it, La Salle dominated, in every aspect of the game. Their student section was bigger, their band was better, their side was louder, their deans were more annoying, they were faster changing in the locker room, they had much more decorative face paint and their team outright played better.  Scratch that, before all of La Salle has another parade down Cheltenham Ave, let's just do some comparisons.  Their student section wasn't bigger. It may have looked that way because during halftime the parents also joined in on the halftime tradition and oiled up to catch some rays. "We like to multi-task over here at the L,” shouted Anthony “Air Nardo” DiNardo, “Tannin' and Football, that's what La Salle does!" Their band wasn't better. Hearing a non-traditional song such as "Carry on Our Wayward Son" is nice, the first time.  After hearing that song for about 6 straight years now, 20 times a game, it's as overplayed and predictable as Prep’s playbook. Their side wasn't louder.  They had something to cheer about and they still struggled. Also, a word to whoever had the cowbell, that's cheating, and you're just embarrassing yourself. Their deans were not more annoying. That's impossible. They were not faster changed in the locker room.  Dan "The Eager Beaver" McGeever challenges all in a dress race.  Clocked from street clothes to uniform in 6.8 seconds, including the buckled chinstrap, a detail most amateurs forget, he claims, "My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious." They did however have much more decorative face paint. It doesn’t get much cuter than a La Salle frosh in fresh face paint. And finally, they did not outright play better, they just cheated better, and we give them kudos for that.
-We are PRAYING that this sparks a La Salle kid to attempt a remake of  “Explore This.”
Game Prediction: Hopefully, Judge won’t bring back class of ‘97 RB Jim Casey but rumor has it they do have a solid passing game, so let’s hope for rain. Prep will squeak by, 17-14.

SEPT. 12
NON-LEAGUE
North Penn 14, SJ Prep 7
  The Prep traveled to Crawford Stadium in Lansdale, Pennsylvania, this Friday to battle yet another tough opponent on their schedule.
  They played against the North Penn Knights but yet again the toughest opponent in this game was the rain.  Preceding the game the players seemed as excited as Johnny Gregitis on the last day of school, as this could be the first Prep team to start the season 3-0 since 2003. The hopefulness that they might get to open up the passing game through the use of Temple bound recruit QB Mark Giubilato died when the players arrived to mud as deep as a Sophomore Retreat heart to heart with adored Latin stud Mr. Dougherty.
  North Penn gained the edge when WR/DB Ronnie "Clay" Akins took a line-drive punt from Steve "I'm so much cooler/hotter/smarter than Ryan" O'Hara 77 yards for the score to make it 7-0 with 4 minutes left in the first quarter. He followed the touchdown by attempting to sing Clay Aikens' smash single "Without You" from his hit album "A Thousand Different Ways," but Ronnie only needed one way to get booed off the field by the entire stadium. The Knights struck again with 18 seconds left in the first quarter when HB Tyler Smith broke it for 96 yards around the end, beating two-way starter QB/DB Mark Giubilato, who plays more minutes than Bill Bonner plays girls; but of course Mark makes no excuses. Smith ran a fully padded 4.34 40, (we clocked him from the 40 to the goal line) but once he arrived in the end zone he looked utterly perplexed on what to do, equivalent to Lance Bass at Victoria Secret.   Laughs were heard coming from the corner of the end zone where Neil “Real Deal” Doogan stood. "Hey, I remember my first touchdown," laughed the Prep fullback of the past.
  Just like that, North Penn had twice scored almost as easily as it is at a Prep mixer (Can you say whiteout!?!?).  Thinking it would help the team lighten up, LG Shawn Davis sported his skimpiest pink Speedo at Halftime, leaving little to the imagination. This backfired, as everyone was grossed out and refused to stand near Shawn in the huddle. Caught up in the moment, DB Dan Casey, still out because of a concussion, took the opportunity to fire up the team with a motivational speech.  He started out a speech so captivating and uplifting it seemed like it could have come from Friday Night Lights, yet when he reached the climax, "I don't want you to win for yourselves, or your families, or Prep or even Coach Brooks… I want you to do it for ...," he fell asleep and the speech crashed, leaving the team distraught.  However, Bill "Wish I was back in Avalon where I belong" Bonner wasn’t paying attention because he was busy texting his “biddies” about the two catches he made in the first half, therefore he was unaffected.  "I promised Regina a big tackle to open the half... or was it Frances? It could’ve been Ashley… what day is it? The 12th? Yeah, I think it was Veronica.”
  The Prep returned from halftime (sponsored by TJ Maxx-- "Don't you just love a bargain?") through North Penn's tunnel, where they got harassed and spit on by North Penn's infamous student section, "The Penn 15 club." The Penn 15 is named for the rating that their cheers received on the Richter Scale, a whopping 4.7 points more than any other student section in the country. "It was all moist and icky!!" exclaimed DE Bill Mancini in disgust.
  There was no scoring in the third quarter until Mike Yeager broke a 60-yard run that seemed to take longer than a Father Byron speech. The rest of the game was more of a slop fest than Halloween last year (what?) and more frustrating than Matt Dykan trying to convince his Dad that he indeed was not former WWE sensation Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Although the Knights defense was led by linebacker Andrew Stoll and safety Anthony Taggart, they had some help from a blatantly hometown ref.  If lowering his shoulder into Compton wasn't enough, the zebra reversed a game-changing fumble on 3rd down with minutes to go in the 4th causing Prep to punt.  Down 7 with three timeouts left, the defense, which actually played well despite the long run, came up with a big stop. This left the Hawks one last chance to drive 95 yards in 1 minute and 9 seconds. The last minute was more painful to watch than a Merion girl attempting a joke, and Prep ended the game with a quick 4 and out.
Game Notes:
-We caught up with Prep principal Mr. Gomez for a post game interview: 
Hawk Talk: "Mr. Gomez, what do you think the Prep could've done better in this game?"
Gomez: "Go Prep."
HT: "Excuse me?" 
G: "Goooooo Prep!"
HT: "Mr. Gomez, you're not making any sen—"
G: "Prep go?"
-When asked if he thinks the La Salle game will be challenging next week, K/DB Kurt Skalamara responded: “Get on my level, they can’t get on my level, they would need a space shuttle or a ladder that’s forever…”
-Mr. Coffey was not in attendance due to a falling out between himself and Mr. Nawn.  Our source (Mrs. Kettinger) says that it all started when a facial hair JUG was given to Mr. Nawn on the first day of school.  "I don't know how he avoided me all last year, but I'm not in this for friends,” explained Coffey. “This job was my calling from God, and I thank Him every day for the unbelievable abilities He has given me to catch students doing the wrong thing.” He then added: “Do I enjoy what I do? Hehe...Hells yeah!”  Nawn took the JUG as a joke but was not laughing when his name appeared on the Saturday JUG list, leaving a riff between the once tight faculty members.
-Malvern was ranked ahead of St. Joe's in the recent Daily News poll...no joke needed, that's funny enough as is.
-Prediction: La Salle will lose 42-0 but will take every chance to remind us of the Catholic League Championship game two years ago...14-7. They would also like everyone to know they’re totally gnarly at lax…sweet, bro.
-Giubilato’s showing made his urgent request to play in the Temple vs. Penn State game this weekend extremely far fetched.  
-Mr. Nawn brought the ref on charges of Athletic Dishonesty, a change from Nawn's usual cases of Academic Dishonesty.  Nawn, a HUGE Hawk Talk fan, had compiled a strong case against the man, finding out that he was a graduate of North Penn, lived in Lansdale, and had even been a coloring teacher at the school, which apparently was one of the harder classes.  However, when reading him the charges filed against him he was unexpectedly "Stunnered" by Mr. Dykan....and that’s the bottom line, cause Stone Cold said so.