FEB. 20
Friarside Post-season Awards Ceremony…A Trip Down Memory Lane
     Well, fellas, it was a great run and an amazing season.  Yes, the Friars did slip up at the end of the year, dropping two of their final three games, both losses coming at home inside the O’Neill Center.  Friday’s loss to GA was definitely a tough one to swallow. And while some will criticize the Friars for their “collapse” down the stretch, let’s look at the greatness that came with Malvern’s season.  First year coach Jim Rullo finished the season (excluding the Inter-Ac Tournament) with a record of 18-8 (7-3).  And along with that impressive record, Rullo led Malvern to a number of “first time since…” as we mentioned in our previous article.  The Friars swept Penn Charter, finished 4-0 on the road and 1-0 in neutral court sites in league play.  All of this following a 10-18 record (including the Inter-Ac tourney) and a 3-7 league record, last year.  The fact is, the Friars' season was more than successful, finishing second in the league for the first time since 2003. 
    With the type of season Malvern had, it is a given that there are many accolades that must be awarded.  There are the prestigious awards, such as All-Inter-Ac, All-Main Line, All-Area, etc.  However, there is no award more prestigious than a Friarside post-season award, and all know that no Friar Basketball player wants any award more than a Friarside shout.  With that said, here’s a trip down memory lane.

1) Best Win: Malvern 58 The Haverford School 44
    Of the 18 victories, all of which were certainly impressive, it is difficult to choose just one game deserving of such a title.  There are a plethora of options, especially both battles versus the Quakers, as well as the game in Fort Washington.  When all was said and done, however, we concluded that Malvern’s romp at Haverford stands alone. When one takes into consideration the circumstances for Malvern entering that game, it becomes a little clearer why this win was so great.  Malvern went into Haverford on a Tuesday afternoon, just days after a devastating senior night collapse against the Fords. Actually, “collapse” may be misleading. While the squad did perform sub-par, the loss came at the hands of some horrendous officiating (discussed below). Rullo and the gang found themselves down, but not out. Trapped with their backs against the wall, two straight Inter-Ac wins against the Fords and GA were necessary in order to claim the title. The following day, a deflated Malvern team lost a meaningless game to Camden Catholic. Oh, and by the way, the game at Haverford also happened to be senior night for the perennial losers.
   This win was a huge testament to the leadership of the team. The coaching staff, along with the seniors, deserve much credit for keeping the troops (Ted Silary word: +1) loose and focused. Senior guards Phil Gosselin and Joe Hoban played particularly well, controlling the tempo as they had for the entire season.  The duo combined for 27 points and the Friars came away with a 58-44 victory.  All the more impressive, they never trailed in the game. This victory set up the most important game in recent Malvern hoops history: a duel with GA and a shot at the first outright title for Malvern in 18 long years.

2) Worst Loss: Malvern 44 Episcopal Academy 48
   This season most certainly had some dark spots.  We must admit two of the eight losses were extremely tough to handle for us by the Friarside.  Malvern beat every team in the Inter-Ac this year, winning all five games away from home.  However, in failing to dominate at home, the team dropped three Inter-Ac match-ups.  Of the eight losses, an astounding five came at home.  Of those five losses, the worst one was without question the loss to lowly EA.  The Churchmen eked out only four victories, including just one in league play. Hey, it’s a tough league, but considering that Chestnut Hill is in it, one would think that would count for two automatic wins. Alas, the Churchmen embarrassed themselves this year. Too many people spent time praising Coach Dougherty for sticking around after the departures of Sts. Wayne and Gerald. Wow, pretty valiant of Coach Doc to garner up some loyalty and not flee from his players. In fact, the only thing good about EA this year were two spots on the roster held by Saint Denis alums Matt Byrne and Dan Hilferty, Bthom’s teammates on the 2003 CYO Region 15 Champion Saint Denis Bulldawgs. The Australian wonder boy certainly did not live up to the hype that surrounded his arrival. TMULL even had trouble eking out one report on EA action. Perhaps some more love from the Masked Man would have fueled the Churchmen to another couple of wins. We just dissed on EA’s squad pretty hard, so perhaps our fans have an inkling of just how embarrassing this loss was. In the end, this one blemish, if reversed, would have led to the addition of a “2006-2007” to the Inter-Ac basketball Championship banner of glory that hangs in the O’Neil Center.
    Malvern could not get it going.  The defense was tough and passionate, as it had been all year.  But the offense had one of its worst showings of the year. Lugging a shooting percentage reminiscent of that which plagued the Saint Denis Bulldawgs in their pitiful loss in the 2002 Malvern Prep Tourney to Sts. Simon and Jude of Chesco, the Friars lost 48-44. When you make Herb Bowen look like The Mailman, Karl Malone, you have a huge problem. As disappointing as the loss was, we will give EA props.  They shot the ball well and played perhaps their best game of the year.  They have some bright players returning next year and could emerge as a contender.  Nevertheless, the loss certainly held back the Friars.

3) Best Game(s): Malvern 61 Penn Charter 59 and Malvern 52 Penn Charter 47
    If the Haverford win was the best win, then the Malvern victory against Penn Charter was the best, most exciting game.  Excuse us, both Malvern victories were.  Yes, we will break a rule here. Officer Smiley does not patrol these streets; we do.  These two games were too good to pass up.  After hours of dip sets, consultation, and contemplation, we decided that to choose one over the other would be an injustice. Plus, the idea of a “Best Win” and a “Best Game” category is sort of insane anyway. We would like to thank anyone who continues to read beyond this point. The first game, just the second battle of league play, gave the fans and the parents a little taste of what Malvern basketball was going to be about this year.  Friarsider Ted Rawlings remembers saying that this game would put a face to our revamped, yet-to-prove-itself basketball program.  Well, the Friars showed up, and despite an aerial assault by senior Wahoo Sam Zeglinski, Malvern emerged victorious on a buzzer-beater by none other than Joe “might as well throw that 6-Up for ol’ time’s sake” Hoban.
    Later on, the Friars went into Penn Charter and did just the same thing. All business, baby. That win was perhaps the most impressive of the year.  They surrendered another twenty-three to the Sniper but otherwise shut down a deadly Quaker offense.  By the game’s finale, Malvern had emerged victorious, placing the team alone atop the Inter-Ac standings for the first time since 2001.

4) Most Pivotal Play: Phil Gosselin’s “Intentional” Foul vs. The Haverford School
    Hmm, so many plays to choose from.  It is a tough call, but we here at the Friarside are the Officer Winslows of sports writing. Funny that we mention our boy, Carl, who would have rolled on the victim of the upcoming rant. Unfortunately, the most pivotal play of the season, introduced  bove, was made by a referee. As we stood in the fan section with just about a minute to play, all in the arena were fully aware of the situation.  It was a one-possession game, a one-point game, actually, and the Fords had the ball.  Malvern’s defense had been playing tough all night.  However, with just under a minute, they opted to foul a Ford.  Phil Gosselin was the culprit on this most pivotal play.  But why so pivotal?  Well, for some odd reason, the ticky-tack foul was called an…INTENTIONAL FOUL!!The call was appalling, to say the least. After tacking two freebies to the board, the Fords got the ball back, and that was that. There was a lot riding on the contest, and in the end, it was a whistle-happy referee who decided the outcome. Trust us; everyone in the gym, including the father of a Haverford player who happens to be an NBA referee, was confused by the bogus call.   Nothing on the Fords, it was a solid and well-deserved win, but the fact remains, that was certainly a pivotal call and play in the outcome of Malvern’s season.

5) Breakthrough Season: Junior Forward Chris Cowell
   The Friarside gives mad props to junior Chris Cowell, who stepped in during the middle of the season and played some excellent basketball.  He was a key component to Malvern’s success.  For the season, Cowell scored 195 total points, good enough for fourth on the team in total points scored.  In league play, Cowell scored only 85, but managed to hit double figures in half of the contests.  On the season, he averaged 7.5 points a game, but in league play, averaged 8.5.  That is an impressive statistic considering that he was the fourth scoring option on the team. It should also be noted that he holds the unofficial record for converting And 1’s. In one season, he racked up about 793 3-point plays, the blue-collar way. We dig your style, Chris. Good look.

6) Most Underrated: Senior Forward Mike Francisco
   Without question, Mike was under-appreciated by basketball enthusiasts around the area.  No matter how many points he dropped, rebounds he pulled down, or free throws he made, Mike just never made headlines, which is a travesty.  He was a gritty player all year long, and his defensive play was certainly infectious.  He finished the year as the team’s leading rebounder and third leading scorer, just one point behind Phil “The Thrill” Gosselin.  He scored a total of 199 points, 107 of which came in league play.  We actually will admit that Mike made news once this year, when he was incorrectly labeled an “overall-wearing farmer.”  Hopefully by now everyone realizes that the kid is much more than a tractor driver.  Yeah, he was honored that Mr. T was crushin’ on his stees a little bit. But, in all seriousness, he is a gritty, hardnosed basketball player.
   Worst yet, Francisco was only awarded second team All-Inter-Ac. Talk about a travesty.  Do not get us wrong, that is quite an honor; however, as we look at the First Team roster, we cannot help but wonder how Michael is not on that list.  Yes, there is no question Griffin, Zeglinski, Hoban, and even Haldy should be on that list.  But DJ Johnston? Come on folks!!!!  DJ could not even handle the electricity of Friar Nation.  He became so frustrated with the noise and the students chanting his name and mocking him, he pointed at them, requesting even more noise.  In the meantime, he managed to score only 19 combined points against Francisco in their two meetings.  Mike, on the other hand, had one more point than DJ and out-rebounded him on both occasions. This goes without mentioning Mike’s high free-throw percentage.  And while DJ put up impressive numbers, his best showings were against the basement of the league.  In league play, Mike finished just 32 points behind DJ and was Malvern’s third scoring option, while DJ was GA’s second scoring option.  So, we have declared Mike an official snub.

7) The Friarside Favorites: (Senior Award) Franz Berlacher, Paul Ostick, Matt Parsons
   As we recap the great season, we cannot forget these three standout seniors.  Yes, they may not have seen that much floor time this year, but their emotional support was second to none, and when they did touch the hardwood, the energy and enthusiasm was palpable.
   Of the three, Paul “76” Ostick saw the most time and was truly an enforcer in the paint.  When his critics labeled him as a "weezy" offensive lineman that could never make the transition to the basketball court, he proved them wrong with a few shot blocks and power rebounds, showing glimpses of his CYO basketball glory days at SDS. Anyway, how could we neglect to mention Paul? He’s got the cutest locks under the sun. He is just SO BIG. Actually, 76 is even bigger than the sun, as evidenced by all the Paulor Eclipses occurring of late.
   Then there is Matt “Inch-for-inch the Greatest Rebounder In Basketball” Parsons, a defensive scrapper.  His tenacious defense was seen at the end of games when the Friars needed to get the ball back.  And while his defense is legendary, let us not forget his big day in San Diego this past Christmas, a game in which he dropped 17 points in Malvern’s rout of Villanova College, 60-17.  It should be noted that for 22 minutes, Matt actually played those loveable Canadians by himself, 5-on-1.
   Last but certainly not least: everyone’s favorite silk-shooting German, Franz Berlacher. Anyone who has seen Franz plays knows of his deadly three ball. Franz was another who showed off against Villanova, dropping 7 points through the cylinder, collecting 7 boards and dropping 5 dime pieces on the road to victory.

8) Fan Favorite: Senior Center John Alberici
   This was a unanimous selection.  John “Cheech-a-palooza” Alberici was without question Friar Nation’s most beloved player.  Any time the man stood up, chants of “CHEEEEECCCCCHHHHHH” roared through whatever the venue hosting the battle happened to be.  Whether it was senior ring leader Erik “The Mule and, P.S. I spell my name with a ‘K’” Mulenhapt, Junior leader of the Corbett’s Corner Matt Thomas, the cow bell ringer Matt Forman, or just the entire student section in general, Cheech became a household name. It must not go unnoticed that the man is headed to Johns Hopkins to basketball with the Blue Jays.  We here by the Friarside proclaim with 100% confidence that John will be a college enforcer after a bit of teaching. He also may need to pack some lbs onto his stunning 6’6 100 lb frame. It will be interesting to see what Cheech ends up doing, not only on the Prom front, but in the college realm, where some news was just whispered through the grapevine that Virginia, impressed by the outlandish numbers Cheech put up this season while averaging just about 7 minutes-per-game, is attempting to persuade him to back out of his commitment to Hopkins and join Jeff Jones and Sammy as Cavaliers next season. Hopefully the big guy will keep his followers posted.

9) Non-League MVP: Senior Guard Phil Gosselin
    The CYO legend Phil Gosselin had a profound impact on this team immediately.  We know December 1st is a long time ago, so let’s throw on some Earth Wind and Fire (for the youngbull who wrote that piece for Chestnut Hill: EWF was a group, not a song) and take you all back Old Skool to the Season Opener. Throughout that day, no one, not even the man himself, knew whether or not he would be in the starting 5.  By game time, he was awarded the starting job.  Chew on that, we will wait. K. A kid who did not play at all his junior season at Malvern, opting to play for the SSJ Explorers with Ted Rawlings (a team that went on to win the Region 17 title because of Phil but no one cares. Props to Cardone, though), was starting for the Friars his senior year.  Well, he kept his spot all year. Early on, his value was monumental. Imagining a Phil-less team is comparable to imaging Malvern Football without Ben Bryer (Check that D-1 Richmond stees). Gosselin rejuvenated a Malvern team that was down due to the futility of previous years; he helped to kick off Friar Nation, and he played outstanding basketball.  For those 15 non-league games (excluding the Camden Catholic game in February) Phil dominated.  He was the second leading scorer with 136 points, and was playing the best defense of anyone on the floor.  Of everything Phil brought to the team, it was the energy, passion, and genuine good looks that made for the biggest difference. His will to win rubbed off on everyone. Thanks for the fun, Phil, and have fun in the MLB.

10) League MVP/ Season MVP: Senior Guard Joe Hoban
     If not for Friday’s loss, Hoban would have been voted the official MVP of the Inter-Ac. Sure, it would have been close; back and forth between Joe and Penn Charter’s stud swingman, Mark “the Shark” Rhine. We are confident that Joe would have come out on top as the official MVP. Friarside hardware is more illustrious than any Inter-Ac honors by tenfold, anyway. The fact is Joe’s passion to win was contagious. He brought that 6-Up edge to work, day in, day out. Talk about consistency. Youngbull came to play everyday, like Cal Ripken Jr., who never forgot his glove in 2,632 straight games. He never forgot his Micro book, either. In both non-league and league action, Joe was the team’s leading scorer and finished with a total of 302 points.  He scored 142 of those in league games, for an average of 14.2 points a game.  But Joe did not just score.  He distributed the basketball.  He dominated the tempo of every game.  And it was no surprise that when Joe struggled, Malvern struggled.  His will to get the job done every night was the biggest reason for Malvern’s success in the Inter-Ac. Joseph, compose yourself. Choke back those tears of joy. You have made everyone proud, especially 6-Up and Saint Agnes.

11) Friarside’s 2007-2008 Impact Players: Forwards Chris Cowell and Ryan Nassib
    Based on our breakthrough season award, Cowell was a given.  We also think Ryan Nassib will be a key ingredient to next year’s success.  He really picked up his game in league play, especially down the stretch.  He scored just 47 points in league games, but 20 of those came in the final three games of the year.  Next year, Nassib will not be the 5th or 6th scoring option for the Friars, but rather a 2nd or 3rd.  Unless, of course, he has already committed to go under center at an upper-echelon football school such as Notre Dame…or like…Richmond. In that case, he may be under lock and key. We shall see what the future holds.

10) Worst School Ever: Chestnut Hill Academy
    No contest. We will try to keep it short and sweet. You have no idea how many people were calling for a rebuttal to your “Da Rebuttle.” First off, spell check is real nice. Second, whoever wrote that piece is a coward. Unfortunately, Gramlich was foolish enough to allow another senior to write that meaningless slander, which he made sure to let us know as soon as it was published. Fie on you, Timmy. You are responsible for what was written because it was done so under your name. The report had nothing to do with this basketball season in any way. The only thing intelligent about it was the proclamation of the greatness of the Whitworth brothers. It was accurate. Why should Brian Grandieri have counted? Brian has not really done anything at Penn, we guess. Oh, actually, we forgot. This is somewhat ironic. The week that you published that garbage, Deer was named Ivy League Player of the Week. Definitely a fluke. The Whitworths were the original “Flight Brothers,” despite popular belief that AI and Larry Hughes came first. Thanks for your insight. We are working on getting Grandieri’s practice jersey down from the rafters in our trainer’s room.
    The only good thing to ever come out of the Kingsley Krazies was that “Brokeback Malvern” sign. Props for that creativity. Everything else was awful. Perhaps it would be a good idea for CHA to win something…anything…before you open your mouths. We did talk to the Inter-Ac officials, and due to your complaining, an instant replay system will be initiated next year for a practice run. Maybe you should replay the last 10 years of your athletic programs. Throw that red flag; maybe you will get lucky. Thanks for the forecast for next year’s football season. Frankly, we are doing our best to focus on the moment. We would be remiss in neglecting to mention Fergi. After contemplating a maiming rampage, he decided to be the bigger man and offer out the olive branch. Please accept his gesture.
    Timmy, have you ever heard the Beatles’ song “Fool on the Hill”? It was remade into a classic by Sergio Mendes and Brasil back in ’66. Check out those lyrics. That might be a good lead to a title for your column next year. Congratulations to your basketball team on the improvement. The squad went on a nice little run this year and finished at a stellar 2-8 mark. We hope that CHA will keep at it, unlike your football team. There is always next year, right? Congrats on Shad’s being named a Maxwell Award nominee. Ian Mitchell came in third place overall for that last season. This year, Alex Forte received the same honor as Shad, along with kids from just about every school in the area. Oh, and by the way, if any CHA kids actually read this far, please ask Shad to send us some autographs, like if he has the time.
   Please, do not talk about “big game experience” until you get some, alright? Until then, we hope you’re nice and comfy in the basement. We tried to warn you. Do not get too close to the Friarside, or else you will get burned.

11) Cheap shot of the Year: Joe Hill (GA)
     We will not say much here. Joe, you are a lucky kid. If an official had seen what the rest of the gym had seen rather than what resulted—Francisco writhing in pain on the floor—you probably would have suspended indefinitely. In case you were worried, everything is still in tact. Mike is back to normal. Nice footwork, bro.

12) Friarside's Most Vocal/ Loyal Fan Award: Seniors Kevin Newby/Brian Thomas/Ted Rawlings
    Yeah, what of it? Our rules, remember? IS THAT UNFORGIVABLE? Presenting the first annual Golden Tin will be all-around golden boys Timmy Gramlich of Chestnut Hill and Joe Hill. They were not able to join us personally this evening, but they are with us via-satellite. Thanks, guys. Let us hear what they have to say: “These three were flat-out dominant in the stands.  If not for their dedication and spirit, they would have won it anyway, *giggling accompanies a struggle for the microphone* based on looks and female/our voting. Ted, Kev and Brian, thanks for leading the way for the little guys like us. We proudly present you the Golden Tin.”
   Wow, that was heartfelt. We love you guys; thanks so much. This must call for an acceptance speech. We’re not too good at these, so bear with us. We will not be long. First off, we want to thank the Big Guy. No, Not Paul Ostick, God. After God, obviously, is Erik Muhlenhaupt, aka The Mule. We cannot forget his wife, Mrs. Mule. As far as school spirit goes, the run thus far this year has been phenomenal. Since we were freshmen, everyone has always griped about the lack of school spirit at Malvern. Erik and his Boo really stepped up and led the way. So many other supporters followed suit. The praise, of course, is directed at the masses. You were all unbelievable. Keep it up. LAX IS BACK. Baseball, track, tennis, and probably some other weird sports return as well. But yeah, LAX IS BACK, so…Get that Veritas, Unitas, Caritas on and continue to roll squad deep…with all the sports, not just LAX. We would also like to thank the entire Hoops coaching staff, especially Coach Rullo. You are a great man, and a terrific coach. It was a joy to see such vitality on the sidelines. Thank you also for the hats, which were completely unnecessary, yet really appreciated. You’re a class act, coach. Thanks to all of Malvern. Coa-We mean Mr. Kindon, you are the man. Thanks for everything. A huge shout is in order to Mr. Ted Silary. Thanks for allowing us such a wonderful opportunity. Sorry we were not more consistent. If any lawsuits do come up, just send them to Delco. They will know where to find Bthom. Ok, ok, just another minute of your time. To our fans: you are simply the most wonderful fans anyone could ask for. You have stood by us from the beginning, not once questioning a word. We did not say it would be easy. It definitely was not. You could have snuck away when we were forced to hire a jacked body guard, Colin Newby. You could have sped away when we attempted to initiate a road block on 476. You probably should have run away when we became entangled in some shady business overseas. Never once, though, did you betray us. You give new meaning to the word sacrifice. We, like our HenDen counterparts, met fierce struggles. There was actually a scary time when we had decided to never write again. We had lost the love of the game. There were many sleepless nights. However, thanks to your constant moral support, we came back like MJ, Jay-Z style, “wearin’ the 4-5, but it ain’t to play games wit you.” It was one hell of a ride. It may be harsh, but it is certainly true. We ride together; we die together. We are humbled; we really are.
   That concludes our speech. Rullo has one year under his belt and has shown he can get the job done.  Meanwhile, the team has experience with a deep senior class coupled with this year’s rising sophomores.  The senior class features Cowell, Nassib, Kevin Corbett, Matt McManus, Mike Schaeffer, Bob Rafferty, and Matt Mackrides. Meanwhile, there is a plethora of talent amongst the current sophomores, starting with current varsity player Billy Conners, and continuing into the JV level, including Will Lee, Brendan McNulty, Joe “Nah I showered” Miele, Joey “Floppy disc” Price, John “I cannot get out of my brother’s shadow” Rawlings, and Matt “What pigs?” Ryan, as well as Mark “Just trying to fill Matt’s shoes” Parsons and Christian “I honestly have no idea what is going on” Sutton, Ryan Creighton and Alonso Guerra-Garcia. The team will be deep next year and we here at the Friarside like their chances.
     It was a great season, and we enjoyed entertaining you and informing you occasionally during the year. Hopefully everyone who set out to read this novel is still alive and well. We simply could not bear to split it all up. We finish our business, unlike those “Explore This” kids. On that note, we are throwing out the pens, turning off the computers, and officially retiring from the Friarside. Mr. Silary, just pass that “Hall of Fame” information along to us when you get to it. There is no rush. Always remember, the Friar never burns out. <333
--- Kevin Newby, Brian Thomas, Ted Rawlings

JAN. 19
INTER-AC LEAGUE
Malvern 52, Penn Charter 47
    This season can really be defined by the expression “first time since…” For instance, Malvern finished their non-league schedule with a record above .500 for the first time since 2001. Malvern won at GA for the first time since 1998. The Friars sit alone atop the Inter-Ac standings for the first time since 1995. Well folks, Friar Nation witnessed two more first times on Friday night against rival Penn Charter.
    Most of Friar Nation walked into the gym just as the player presentations were finishing up, and all but four of the representatives were sitting by tip-off. Unfortunately for us, we were stuck in the first-four rows at center court, adjacent to the Quaker Crew, which, by the way, could take those Kingsley kids easily. But when you want to make noise, the last place you want to be is at center court where you can’t stand up. But we made do early on.
    The Friars got off to a hot start, as they have for most of the season. Their offense had an answer for all of the different defensive sets thrown at them. When the Quakers tried to bring pressure, Malvern handled it well, due in large part to Coach Jim Rullo’s preparation.  However, PC brought the noise on offense as well, and Malvern’s defense had an uncharacteristic slow start. For much of the quarter, the game play was fast and energetic, and the ball pounded up and down the floor with no loss of momentum, even with changes of possession. The guards especially dominated the first quarter’s tempo. When Malvern wanted to move the ball up the floor, the senior tandem of Joe Hoban and Phil Gosselin had no problems. At the end of the first frame, Malvern saw its greatest first quarter point total, 21. Penn Charter trailed by 5.
    The second quarter, however, told a much different story. While the first quarter was all about offense, the second quarter featured a defensive war. The tempo slowed down considerably, which was a huge advantage for the Friars. Malvern was able to force more turnovers and dominate time of possession. Its stifling defense surrendered only 3 field goals and a couple of charity shots. The offense, on the other hand, was lacking. Penn Charter’s defense stiffened up just as much, and the Friars were held to just ten points. Still, they went into the locker room with the score 31-25, the scoreboard favoring Malvern by 6.
   As Friar Nation anxiously awaited the start of the second half, Penn Charter may have made their first true mistake. At the request of an apprehensive Charter faculty member, Friar Nation was moved to the other side of the stands, allowing us to stand and make as much noise as we wanted. Great decision on his part. No doubt the man had heard how summarily yours truly, the Friarsiders, had dismissed Timmy Gramlich and his band of merry men. He had most likely noted how athletic we look in our picture (which, for Pete’s sake, everyone, is a knockoff of the HenDen picture; so for all of you quasi-Silary fans out there, try reading some other columns in addition to our artwork). Obviously Mr. Penn Charter Administrator was afraid that we would toss his Quaker faithful into the Friar alongside the Lazies. Rightfully so. Way to be, sir. You executed some superb decision making given the traumatic circumstances. Thank you also for moving us to the far corner of the gym where there was no seating available. Classy of you to force Malvern parents to move at the whim of your insecurities. The change was dealt with well by Friar Nation, and a fairly legitimate crowd battle resulted from the change. We cannot, however, let this last thing go. The same man who had forced us to move in the first place went on to act as a baby-sitter for the next 16 minutes of basketball. He stood in front of our section and attempted to quell any heckling of Penn Charter players. This was an absolutely unnecessary act considering that at least one Malvern administrator, along with several faculty members, was sitting directly next to us. Perhaps you should have paid attention to your own school instead.
    Anyway, as Friar Nation, led by Erik “The Mule” Mulenhapt and Matt “Russell Stover’s” Thomas, made their way down to the other side of the gymnasium, the two teams made their way out to the hardwood, ready to endure a battle. The Inter-Ac implications: first place.
    Malvern came out hot on the offensive side of the ball, lead by Joe “MVP” Hoban. The offense was able to keep the tempo at whatever pace they wanted, which became an important factor in the game down the stretch. When Malvern wanted to speed the game up, they did that. However, if Rullo signaled for the Friars to run a half-court set, Hoban led the charge just as effectively. Despite their control of tempo, Malvern struggled to get quality looks, and players struggled to capitalize on rare opportunities, resulting in only 10 third quarter points. But what they lacked on offense, they made up for on defense, which has become their MO. The defense was fast, aggressive, for lack of a better word, dominant. They gave up their points to the Virginia-bound guard, but in turn shut down the rest of the Penn Charter artillery. The result: 8 measly points off 2 Zeglinski threes and two Travis “He’s a freshman” Robinson charity donations.
    While the Friars were ahead in the crowd battle (questionable. T-Rawl can take the blame there, considering the Quakers were pretty loud) they were up by 8 points entering the fourth quarter in the more important battle: the one on the floor. The entire gymnasium knew the final 8 minutes was going to be war, and an eight point lead meant very little. And folks, war it was. Hoban had 15 entering the 4th quarter. Zeglinski dropped 16 going into the fourth. As for the other scorers, neither team saw another member in double digits entering the final eight minutes of play. Though defense had been the story for most of this epic battle, it was the offense that would decide this outcome. When it came down to it, Malvern was just the better team. Whether it was Chris Cowell’s rebounds down the stretch, Kevin Corbett’s three-ball to give Malvern a 5 point edge at one point, Gosselin’s perimeter defense, or Hoban’s clutch free throws with under a minute to play, Save for Francisco’s errant, half-court lob pass that went out for a crucial turnover, Malvern did all the right things in the final quarter. Mike admitted after the game that our very own Ted Silary had been jawing at him from the baseline throughout the entire game. According to Mike, Ted is still upset about the overalls thing, and the heckling finally found Mike’s breaking point towards the end of the game. Mike would eventually redeem himself, stealing the ball from Sammy as the clock ticked down and dishing the rock to Hoban for an easy two.-- Ted Silary: we’re just busting your chops. Mike does not like the idea of the farmer thing, but we did hear something about Timmy Gramlich having modeling experience. You might want to look into that. --The Quakers were able to put 14 points through the nets in the last quarter, but Malvern’s offense was too much, as they dropped 11. The final: Malvern 52, Penn Charter 47.
    By beating the Quakers in their home arena, these Friars entered un-Chartered waters. As we said before, this season can be defined by “first time since…” Well, for this squad, it’s the first time Malvern has swept the Quakers since 2001 (won at Malvern and at a neutral court [Arcadia University] for Inter-Ac Opener). But even more impressive, it is the first time Malvern has gone to Penn Charter and left victors since 1996. Now, if Malvern is to defeat the Chestnut Hill Blue Devils on Saturday night, they will have complete control over the Inter-Ac with a record of 5-1. (It will be the first time Malvern has recorded 5 wins in league-play since 2004).

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Heard from Friar Nation (and around the Inter-Ac):
- As we sit by the Friarside, we would like to reiterate that Joe Hoban is a legit candidate for league MVP. Hoban dropped 22 points on the Quakers to lead all Malvern scorers. He got people involved, again, with another 6 assists, and he had only 1 turnover. He is playing better basketball than anyone in the league right now.
- While Hoban did drop 22, Malvern notched only 5 other players in the scoring column. Hoban and junior Chris Cowell were the only two players to drop double figures, combined for 32 of the Friars’ 52 points. Senior Mike Francisco had 8 and junior quarterback Ryan Nassib dropped 7 points through the silk. Junior sharp shooter Kevin Corbett only had three, but his one bucket was a clutch one, and John “You’re favorite 6’7’’ big guy” Alberici finished with 2 points.
- Chris Cowell is making a name for himself around the league. He made his way into the starting lineup midway through the year and has played great basketball throughout the season. He is one of the bright returning players for next year’s team. Also, juniors Ryan Nassib and Matt McManus have made huge contributions to the team this year, especially of late. They too will be bright spots for next year’s squadron.
- Malvern’s defense was at the top of its game, once again. By holding Penn Charter to 47 points, the Friars now have the league’s second best defense in terms of points allowed per game. In league play, they are allowing only 48 points a game. Only Haverford can say they have done better, conceding just 47 per game.
- While Sam Zeglinski managed to drop another 22 points, Penn Charter only had one other player in double figures, Travis Robinson (11). Only three other players scored in the game.
- In his two games against Malvern, Zeglinski has scored a combined 47 points, more than any two players combined. He is an outstanding player and he has the respect of the Friarside; however, Sammy shot poorly in this contest. In all honesty, this Penn Charter team is much too talented to be playing so poorly. Please, do not call out for blasphemy, but perhaps it would be good for Charter if Sammy took fewer shots. We know that in 5 or 6 years of high school, Penn Charter players have no need to be impatient in regards to getting the ball, but hey, it would be nice to watch a 5 player team on the floor for the Quakers.
- An unruly Malvern fan stormed the court as the final buzzer sounded, making his way over towards the PC cheering section in order to taunt the student support. Fortunately no one got a clear look at the enthusiastic fan, and he returned home safe and sound. We respect the man’s style.
- The Friarside also would like to applaud the efforts of the Quaker Crew and their class. They handled the loss well and were willing to congratulate Malvern on the win. Even as the Friar Nation chanted “This Is Our House,” “Scoreboard,” and “We roll squad deep” at the game’s conclusion, they still were able to take the loss, congratulate us, and move on. That speaks volumes about the Quaker Crew, and they too have our respect.
- The Friars take on (beat) the Devils tomorrow night at Malvern in what looks to be one of the most heavily anticipated games for the Malvern since last year’s Eastern LAX final against Haverford.
- Lastly, we would like to thank the devoted Ted Silary for the shout out in his latest article. Ted, we would like to let you know that we were just looking for a wave, maybe a tip of the cap, but your decision was accepted and respected (grimace). By the way, Ted would never heckle players.
- Until next time, stay gold, Ponyboy. We’ll catch you by that Friarside. Peace.

JAN. 9
INTER-AC LEAGUE
Malvern 61, Penn Charter 59
  Welcome, welcome. We would like to apologize to our readers for the recent delay. Our second quarter just wrapped up, and we were extremely busy with schoolwork.
   Let us set the scene for you: January 9, 2007, 3:45 pm. Malvern Prep was the location, and thankfully so, because, unfortunately for the Friarside crew, Bri’s tractor had broken down somewhere within the vast forests of Delco earlier that morning. No driving necessary. The gym, of course, was the state-of-the-art O’Neill Center. The battle featured steady Inter-Ac powerhouse Penn Charter, led by senior sniper and UVA- bound guard Sam “Wahoo” Zeglinski, and our very own Malvern Prep Friars, led by the outstanding senior guard combo Joe “Saint Agnes” Hoban and Phil “I am going to UVA too…for baseball” Gosselin. The electric atmosphere at Malvern was alive all day; a genuine feeling of excitement permeated the campus. Let us tell you, this one was a dandy.
   Before the game even got started, the Friars suffered a loss. Senior ladies’ man John Alberici was M.I.A. due to an awful stomach virus that, yes, even the big man was forced to step down to. The loss very easily could have dealt a debilitating blow to team morale, but the boys responded well thanks to the strength of the senior leaders along with Leo “Coach?” Kindon. Word had it that Malvern point man Joe Hoban, although better off than Cheech, was also under the weather. Further speculation indicated the possibility of Penn Charter’s gold-donning rabble rousers making an appearance. Coincidentally, in a recent report posted by Haverford LAX/ kind of hoops stud John “CHA loves me too, ‘Shad” Haldy, entitled The Inter-Ac and Its Fans: God’s Opinion, Haldy ranks Penn Charter’s fan base right under those loveable Kingsley Crazies from up on the Hill. Anyway, the PC kids did not show despite having told Bri differently at the Inter-Ac Tip-Off. Meanwhile, all reports from Penn Charter said the 6-10 (1-0) Quakers were 100% healthy. The Quakers had played a tough non-league schedule and had definitely been hurting without the services of Waldron grad and Catholic Academy League legend Kelvin “NBA” Johnson.
   In our previous article, we noted that first year coach Jim Rullo was doing an excellent job of getting Malvern focused on defense, work that has been especially apparent early on in games. Well, it was no different on Tuesday afternoon. The Friars got off to a hot start, breaking the Charter press with little difficulty and eventually ending the first quarter with the lead. The ailing Joe Hoban showed no signs of fatigue, dropping nine early points on the Quakers. Meanwhile, Zeglinski was held scoreless.
   The next quarter told a different story. There was no doubt that Sammy would start hitting his shots. He did just that, dropping 15, all from behind the arc, and the Quakers were within 1 by the end of the half. Half-time was highlighted by the arrivals of Dots’ legends Joe “I destroyed Lynch twice in the Dots-SFA battle” Coffey and Jim “Shower” Downey, who, we must add, was looking great as usual, sporting a new white sweater which certainly highlighted his curves.
   Just as the Quakers looked like they might have been able to take control and mount a lead, Friar Nation, inspired by the play and good looks of Penn Charter sophomore guard Mark “Handles” Rhine, finally reached its full potential. The “sixth man”, closet-bound until this year, is finally becoming a factor for Malvern’s hoop success. A Quaker wearing number 15 (Rhine) had come off the bench and was hoping to ignite the sluggish Quakers. He got loud but showed considerable attitude, especially towards our Friars on the hardwood. Unacceptable in our house, completely unacceptable. So, thanks to the Malvern parents, senior super fans Erik “The Mule” Muhlenhaupt and Pat “Cameron…Kingsley, wait, no… Crazie” Welde obtained a copy of the media guide and found number 15’s alias. From that point on, Mark Rhine was doomed. For the rest of the battle, the young guard was taunted and screamed at by the Friar Nation.
  Still, any basketball fan knows that one person does not make a team, and it was no surprise that the Quakers overcame Mark’s issues. Sammy continued to dominate from behind the arc, shooting the ball from all over the court, including one launched from Paoli Pike. Meanwhile, the Friars hit a dry spell on offense and at one point fell behind by 10, 50-40.
    But just as the Quakers seemed to be mustering up some momentum, perhaps getting ready to put away the pesky Friars, Penn Charter freshman  Travis “Danny Almonte” Robinson made a freshman mistake, picking up a technical foul after fouling senior forward Mike “No seriously, I hate overalls” Francisco. Four foul shots later, Malvern was within 8. After the next possession, they had pulled within 5. By the quarter’s end, Malvern was trailing by only 1.
   The Quakers got off to a hot start in the final quarter of play, but Malvern would not go away. Whether it was the loud voices from seniors Matt “Stees” Dolente and Mike “That shirt did come with sleeves” Lynch in the crowd or the stingy defense of the Friars on the floor, Malvern showed a lot of heart this day. They buckled down on defense and got some big stops late. However, a key Quaker offensive rebound led to a huge three point strike, and it looked as if all hope had faded for Rullo’s squad. Wait, sorry about that. Did we say Rullo’s squad? Well, in that case…Hoops fans everywhere are beginning to realize that, simply put, you just cannot count this team out, ever. While some fans doubted the chances, the players certainly did not. With the help of some clutch free throws by junior Chris “Tim Duncan” Cowell, the Friars had tied it up with just under a minute to play. Penn Charter seemed in control of its own destiny and was perhaps going to hold for the final shot. However, with about 30 seconds left, Sammy got wide open off a crossover dribble off the elbow and fired. The shot looked good, but rattled around and out, into the hands of Mike Francisco. The ball was quickly tossed into Hoban’s hands, and he ran the last shot play.
   With about 5 seconds left, Hoban got the ball into Cowell’s hands for what appeared to be an easy, game winning lay-up. Alas, the shot was partially blocked. All appeared set for OT until Hoban skied for the board out of nowhere. After a quick catch-and-shoot, the ball kissed off the glass and fell through the net as the buzzer sounded. Pure elation.
   Senior fan Jay “Orangeman” Dumas stormed the court before the clock showed 0:0. Within a few short seconds, the entire Friar Nation made its way over to the hero, all in a state of excited confusion. Even senior hockey star E.J. “Mint” Astarita, out for his entire season with a serious ankle injury, made his way into the scrum on his crutches. The game couldn’t have ended in a better fashion. Props to Malvern A.D. and assistant coach Kurt “All Business” Ruch, who broke up the unruly crowd after only 30 seconds.

Heard From Friar Nation (and around the area)
·        According to some inside sources, Malvern assistant coach Joe “JoePa” Redican is somewhat of a prophet. According to a Friarside chatter, JoePa believed back in early September that the Friars were going to surprise a lot of people this year. Believe it.
·        Friarside chatter Ted Rawlings predicted that the Friars would win the battle by 6, but warned that Malvern would be in trouble if they could not break the press. Well, Malvern dealt extremely well with Penn Charter’s full-court scheme, and nearly half of their points in the first half came against that press. Well done.
·        Joe Hoban led all Friar scorers with 17 points. Meanwhile, Sam Zeglinski dropped 25 on the night, 21 from behind the trey line. Too bad he got zero help from anyone other than Brian Teuber, who played well. His athletic presence on the floor could prove a valuable asset down the stretch for Sammy Inc…
·        Player of the Game honors go to Carl Winslow, the father figure from Family Matters. Apparently Karl doubles as a referee, and he did a fine job, wielding his whistle with grace and style.
·        CHA, do not, under any circumstances, think you are getting away unscathed. We’re saving that minor order of business (the report) until after we beat you on Saturday evening. It gets cold out in those woods. Might want to bring some jackets, in addition to those flimsy little tee-shirts.
·        Be on the lookout for a quick update. The EA/GA report will be posted shortly. Until then, we’ll catch you by the Friarside.

JAN. 9
INTER-AC LEAGUE
Malvern 54, Chestnut Hill 50
  Yeah, your boys are back. Well folks, the Inter-Ac tipped off its annual opening tripleheader at Arcadia University, and by the end of the afternoon, our Friars had taken down the Kingsley Crew of Chestnut Hill Academy. It was a pleasantly balmy, sunny Saturday afternoon when your Friarsiders, along with fellow basketball guru Jordan “Slops” Ferguson, piled into B’s  forest green, 2 door ’95 Honda Civic, Jimmy. The trek down Lincoln Drive was relatively uneventful. Rather than chat, the four of us turned up the volume and bumped to the smooth beats of Earth, Wind, and Fire as Kev took some crazy Webshots of Fergi looking surprised using his cell phone. Don’t let our seemingly habitual late arrivals fool you; they reflect nothing of our love for Malvern Hoops. B took it slowly in his manual car in attempt to avoid any rough driving that would put his boy KNEWBS, who recently broke his collarbone in a bar-room brawl during the not-so-sweet Sugar Bowl, in pain. Actually, Kev broke it in a LAX game. Word up, Lax is back. Nevertheless, a Friarside brother is on the IR, and we all feel that pain.
   We arrived at the Kuch Center, shrine of PAC (not 10) basketball and indoor soccer, a.k.a. Arcadia’s sports complex, at halftime. Giggling with the anticipation of witnessing the first electrifying Inter-Ac league play of the year, we paid for our tickets and gaily skipped towards the gym. Unfortunately, this relatively short trip was not free of complications. Just as we turned a corner, 17 little yelling little boys jumped from the nearby staircase, severely frightening all of us in ambush fashion. The little hoodlums clawed and scratched away at us, helpless without our vacation-bound bodyguard, Colin Newby. Fortunately, 35-year- old Penn Charter freshman Travis “Danny Almonte” Robinson, awaiting the final game of the tripleheader, arrived just in the nick of time. He broke up the skirmish, scaring most of the gang away with his full-grown beard. Thanks to Travis, we escaped with only a few cuts and bruises. It turns out that the assailants, who had been sporting “Kingsley Krazies” white tees, were members of the Chestnut Hill faithful. The investigation is pending, yet there is much speculation circulating that the assault was actually an intended assassination plot against the Friarside Crew. This disgraceful incident serves as yet another unfortunate example of today’s sports fanatics and their all-too-zealous actions. Furthermore, everybody always has to hate on Goliath.
   On to the game. We walked into the gym and glanced at the scoreboard. Dumbfounded, we realized that Malvern was losing to, all jokes aside, the doormat of the Inter-Ac, Chestnut Hill Academy, 26-22. (Editor’s Note: For any confused readers, Chestnut Hill’s hoops squad is still in the Inter-Ac. It was the football team, unable to deal with the competitive pressures of the 6-team league, which was forced to take a brief hiatus. However, a revamped squad had a triumphant 2006 campaign in its first year back). Fellow Malvern senior Jay “People’s Elbow on that youngbull to bring in the New Year” Dumas, updated us on the first-half action. Despite an impotent offensive game plan, the Devils had shot well. Alas, their torrid shooting could not keep up with their own undisciplined play, and their second-half performance was almost as awful as that of their cheering section (More on those “Kingsley’s Krazies” momentarily). Yes, the Blue Devils were able to muster a whole 50 points, and yes they were able to hold the Friars to 55, but their performance lacked passion and the offense was dull, slow, and hardly innovative. Actually, perhaps that phraseology should be corrected. The only force holding the Friars to 54 points was their own bad play. We are realistic. This Friars team has its uncertainties, but for the fist time in a while, it can be said that Malvern’s squad has the makings of a good basketball team, one that will compete for an Inter-Ac title this year. Unfortunately for Chestnut Hill, you will not get such an opportunity at your second meeting with the Terror Squad. You had your chance to beat a good team on a bad day, but you simply were not good enough.
--Game Notes
-Mike “Actually, the straw and overalls thing would be weird” Francisco came up big for the Friars, converting 9 of 10 free throws en route to 12 points. Check your stat book, Gramlich. Apparently you were too busy the watching game film of your big Wing Bowl win to notice the error. But hey, thanks for leaving such a narcissistic yet detailed description of the action. We actually calculated that your glorious Wing Bowl report represented 33.2% of your basketball report….but hey, at least now the world is aware that somebody at Chestnut Hill knows how to win something important. For all of you high school basketball/wing bowl fans out there, check out “What’s Up on the Hill?”
-Hoban had 10 alongside his partner in crime, Phil “Dipset?” Gosselin, who had 12, including 3 first-half treys.
-Chestnut Hill got a decent performance out of senior guard David Jennings, who tallied 11.
-Frankly, CHA sophomore Gary “no exaggeration, I look like an 8 year-old” Lawrence needs to learn some things. Our role model, Ted Silary, mentioned the intriguing Gar Man in his write up on the contest; however, we will not be as forgiving. In all seriousness, the kid is 6’6, but there is no wonder why he is listed as a small forward. Someone needs to tell this kid what’s up. You are not a guard, Gary. If Larry Loughery of Saint Joe’s Prep is not entitled to act like one, you, most certainly, are not either. At 6’6, you are going to need to get tough and play like a big man if you want to have success in the Inter-Ac. No questions asked. According to Ted’s stats, you were 0-6 from the three point arc. 0-6!!! 4 for 9 from the stripe certainly won’t cut it either. Sorry, dawg, but the truth hurts. Ted was right to mention you, and maybe our elaboration is too harsh, but hopefully you can realize what your gifts are and work on turning your game around while your career is still fresh. Trust Bthom, a 5’7 “defensive tackle” who has not grown upwards since seventh grade. Use your height, man.
-Friarside Player of the Game: Mike “Professa” Christiansen, who had 2 points. You did nothing special, but your sweet gear and hair made us laugh. Actually, if you were to cut your hair, you would probably be much better off in life. Your mad street ball moves would probably also become easier to execute and therefore even more sik-wit-it.
-This has been a fairly hostile report thus far, but we are not finished yet. The Kingsley Krazies are a joke. Please, stop making yourselves look like fools. This goes for Gramlich, too. We got into this reporting expecting a bitter rivalry with the Prep, but apparently you were foolish enough to pick your own battle with us. What are we talking about, Timmy? Well, we Friarsiders have racked our brains, but we cannot come up with a time we remember any school embarrassing itself so horrifically in the realm of athletic support. Apparently, we need to remind you that we beat CHA in football this year, 18-17. In your “Inter-Ac Preview,” you take a cheap shot at our classmate, friend, and 6-Up rep Joe “I actually locked up the game for Malvern when I absolutely obliterated the CHA receiver who caught the ball on the sidelines with under one minute remaining, forcing a fumble and recovering it in the same instant” Hoban. I guess individuals are more important “Up on the Hill” than teams are, as is evidenced by the fact that you coined the very same man “Joe ‘I got shut down by Shad Campbell’ Hoban.” Shame on you, an apparently solid lineman, according to at least one Malvern lineman who made First Team, All Inter-Ac. You should know better, man. The “Kingsley Krazies” should be embarrassed too. Not only do they shame the Cameron Crazies and cop the annoying Indian chop thing from the Florida State Seminoles, their chants were flat out terrible. Chanting Shad Campbell’s name while Hoban had the ball makes CHA look like a joke. He is certainly an electrifying football player, but take him off the pedestal, “for Pete’s sake.” If you had actually won the football game, that would have been a clever little chant, but you did not. Take 4th place in the same 6 team league you could not handle until this year, and you act like your ballin’ with Jim Jones. Get out of here. “Respect isn’t given; it’s earned.”
-John “Stone Cold” Alberici, although a beast, is not big enough to be called an ogre. At least you tried.
-On a similar note, the “start your tractors” mantra was unbelievably ignorant. We are not aware of any farming families at Malvern, and even if we did, what of it? In fact, all three of us rep God’s Country, DELCO, not Chesco. Farm boys could not survive a day on these hard streets. Sometimes in life, certain things are so stupid that they seem funny. This example, however, was not one of them. And, Ted, we would like to disagree, Francisco would not have it in him to wear overalls, eat straw, and ball outrageous simultaneously.
- Sorry about the diatribe, Gramlich, but you asked to run with the Big Guns, we did not invite you. What is up on the hill anyway, besides collars?
-Thanks to the HenDen, for ever so graciously naming us the third most respected reporters on Ted’s site this year. The trees are talking, and it looks like you bulls are losing steam.
-B wants to talk to Ted about instituting a “Reporters of the Week” award similar to the one he awarded during the football season to players. Ha, ha. No seriously, we would win it every time, unless the La Sallies kids ever decide to write part II. Simply put, they spit hot fire yo.
-The Malvern squadron is looking forward to their first real Inter-Ac game of the year, against Sammy Zeglinski Inc, on January 9th. . That report will be out shortly. As for now, we’ll catch you by the Friarside. Peace.

DEC. 22
NON-LEAGUE
Malvern 44, Academy Park 30
   This Jim Rullo coached team is quickly becoming known as one that jumps on its opponents quickly and shuts down opposing offenses. Just three days before their battle with Academy Park, the Friars dominated a weaker Shipley squad. While the final score (68-32) was very impressive, the fact that Malvern immediately pounced on Shipley with a 20-0 start is even more noteworthy. Despite the good feeling generated by the team’s performance, Malvern senior guard and sparkplug Matt “I rep Sts. Philip and James too hard” Parsons, took the victory with a grain of salt. During his post-game interview with Friarside stud Kevin Newby, Parsons stressed the fact that the fledgling Shipley squad provided no great test. As he laced up his fresh Sprewells, Matty let loose a great smile. “This game came at a good time for us, after such an awful loss to the third best team in the Catholic league,” he said. “It was nice for us to get some confidence back and go into the Academy Park game prepared for a fight.” Also a good sign for the Malvernian basketball community: a John “I am still alive” Alberici sighting. John was strong with the ball in his hands and showed no fear taking that jawn to the rack. He finished with 12 and his performance pleased the entire Johns Hopkins coaching staff. John declined comment after the game; however, he was heard muttering somewhat incoherently under his breath something about “Cheech-a-Palooza.” As for Shipley, it was later discovered that Bthom’s hypothesis about their seventh grade team mixing up busses with the Varsity squad was in fact correct. B became somewhat bored with the action and spent most of his time cheering on the swim team as they squared off with Conestoga. We caught him in the hall during one of his trips between the two battles. He had this to say: “As far as this Shipley squadron being full of grade school kids, I can’t help being suspicious. 95% of the youngbulls on that squad looks like sick-wit-it former Marquette star Travis “John Stockton” Deiner’s clone.” Bri fiddled around for several minutes, trying to formulate a clever pun on “The Greatest Show on Turf,” but was futile in his efforts to put into words just how bad Shipley looked. He did, however, conclude by saying “Tom ‘Takin a Mulligan’ is a jerk and clearly forgets about our Pine Valley Lane taps battles with Argin, Sonia, and Jeffery.” With that, he giggled and ran back to the pool. (Note: Inside sources tell us that an investigation into the ages of Shipley’s players is underway.) The Friars walked away from their victory feeling confident, and with good reason. Their next battle pitted them with Academy Park.
   Now we can’t be sure if the team itself overlooked the Knights from Sharon Hill, but the fan base, which has since been affectionately dubbed ‘Friar Nation’ by the great Leo Kindon along with Lord Mule, certainly overlooked the Knights for whatever reasons. Thank heavens Jordan “Slops” Ferguson was in attendance. He held it down in the bleachers, and if it had not been for his passion, this one could have been ugly. Nevertheless, Malvern really never struggled in the contest.
   Once again, Malvern immediately trounced on the Knights, jumping out to 19-4 start. And while the squad never trailed, the next three quarters were a different story. After the hot start, Malvern cooled off considerably. In fact, for those who struggle with their math, after their 19 first quarter points, the Friars put just 25 more on the board. Meanwhile, Academy Park went on to score 26 points in the final three quarters. So the box score tells a different story than that final score. What was the difference in those three quarters? Academy Park’s defense really stiffened up, especially when they went to a full-court press. That goes without mentioning the Friar’s lackluster shooting that has proved to be a two-edged dagger so far this season. Malvern has been way too dependent on outside shooting; the team falls apart when not connecting. Thus far there has been no middle ground. They’re either flat-out horrendous or lights out. Perhaps T-Rawl could provide a little lesson on consistent silky shooting.
    But now, let us give credit where credit is due. In case you did not notice, Malvern has held its last two opponents now to a combined score of 62 points. Meanwhile, in the first quarter, the Friars have outscored those opponents 39-11. We don’t care how inferior those opponents are, that is impressive right there. On the year, Malvern has surrendered 60+ points just once, that being in their 3 OT win in the title game of the Archbishop Carroll Tournament. Maybe even more impressive, excluding the 66 point performance, the Friars have only given up 50+ points just three times in 8 games, and never higher than 55 points. That is what you call stifling defense.
   As for the hot starts, Malvern has scored at least 15 points in 6 of 8 games this year. On the other hand, their competition has reached double digits in the first quarter only 4 times. Interestingly enough, the two times Malvern failed to reach double digits in scoring in the first quarter represent the two L’s in the right hand column.
--Heard from the fan section (in Malvern and around the area)
-Fellow Friarside Chat writer Ted Rawlings is disappointed with the Malvern Prep fan base name. He feels that Friar Nation is much too similar to the ‘Nova Nation. In any other circumstance, he could care less, but the fact that Malvern chose to resemble Villanova disappoints Ted because he is hardly a Villanova fan. Rather, he feels many of those Wildcats fans are preppy band-wagoners and the school is extremely over-hyped. Unfortunately, Ted, this is neither an editorial nor a democracy. Rather, it’s a monarchy, and Bthom is king, so he thinks you should deal with it. He chooses to leave that ridiculously out of place remark in the article as an example of the crooked reporting that plagues our society today. Just kidding, sorta. I think it’s clever. Remember, we copped the alma-mater from Nova too, and that sounds great. Plus, the Mule looks flat-out stunning in an extra small “Friar Nation” tee-shirt. Props, Mule.
-Phil “The Thrill” Gosselin again led all scorers in the Academy Park game with 12 points. We’d like to remind everyone he is headed to UVA…for baseball…without the T and the K. Apparently he is also sick at looking like that weird Talon dude from Laguna Beach.
-Word is the coaching staff is very pleased with junior bench player Chris Cowell. Cowell has been huge off the bench for the Friars, adding another 10 points in their battle with the Knights.
-Friar Nation is growing in size and noise. We had our first cow-bell sighting thanks to Northwestern bound senior Matt Forman. A star on the squash courts, he is also one in the fan section. The cow-bell complements Kevin Newby’s sword so very well. Too bad that sword was shattered when someone recklessly threw it onto the hardwood after Jeff “Iceman” Jones beat the Friars with his three point dagger at the end of regulation (We’re still trying to figure out how he managed to find the time to do that in the midst of being so concerned with taunting the Malvern faithful. Grow up, man, the heckling won’t get any easier to handle in the ACC).  Well done Friar Nation.
-After a late-night screening of Air Bud on Wednesday evening, Coach Rullo and his band of merry men are going back to Cali for the next chapter of the annual Augustinian Tourney.
-With the win over Academy Park, the Malvern Terror Squad has already won more games than it did all of last season. Big things.
- In the first game of the tourney, Malvern defeated Providence Catholic (Ill.), 49-36. Hoban had 16.
-Those of us at home are cheerfully anticipating some rambling late-night calls from John “All Natural” Alberici.
­-For all of you hoops fanatics out there craving some additional action, check out the Annunciation B.V.M. CYO franchise. The team, led by Malvern senior and stud 2-guard Pat “Blade” Welde, is turning heads in the CYO community. After the games, shirtless, Pat gels his hair, and under the direction of his dad, offers free “Blade autographs.” If you’re lucky, you might just catch him in the company of his bffae, “B-Egs.”
-Big ups to Cardone and Matt Smith, the HenDen Crew, at least 2/3 of you. To be honest, we came into this wanting a blood feud, but you’re good dudes and networking is good so we’ll lay low and keep it as gangst as possible.
-Well, that’s all we got. After a few games against the Augustinian Brother schools, the Vern squadron will be back home in Pennsylvania, ready to take on the tough Inter-Ac schedule. Until Next time keep the dippp sets flowin’, God bless, and have a terrific New Year. We’ll catch you by the Friarside. <333

DEC. 14
NON-LEAGUE
St. Joe’s Prep 55, Malvern 27
   Thursday afternoon’s game arrived with much hype and anticipation. Unfortunately, the five of us who showed up were as disappointed with the game as Jimmy Tats was when he discovered the truth about his girl in our favorite movie, Show and Tell. Ageless classic. It was unfortunate, to say the least. We finished up school and Bthom copped shotty in the Buick from the legendary Colin Newby, Kev’s little bro. Tedless, the three of us bumped to the Re-Up as we sallied forth on our trek to the Land of Milk and Honey, aka 1733 W. Girard. After an hour or so of dealing with traffic on 76, we made our way into the neighborhood, successfully escaping the men on the corner that began yelling at Kev when he turned the wrong way onto a one-way street. Before long, we had found our way, and the imposing edifice that is the Prep’s school building loomed on the horizon. The parking job would have taken much less time had Georgetown-bound stud O-lineman Joe D’Orazio not taken up four spots with his SUV. After meeting up with the rest of our squadron, EJ and Jay-D, 1/3 of 6 Up, our bubbles were burst by Prep senior Chris Ryan, a former Saint Denis BullDawg and clutch CYO performer for the 2002-2003 now defunct Region 15 Champs led by Bob Roehr, who alerted us that “Malvern sucks,” followed by some expletives that explained that the Friars were trailing big at the half.
   After being forced to dole out 4 dollars each (props to the elite Catholic league), at HALFTIME no less, we made our way into Speedy’s shrine to witness perhaps the worst basketball game ever played. The score was 28-11 and, and to be honest, we were extremely surprised. This is a beyond-solid Malvern team which had previously played with a chip on its shoulders under the leadership of coach Jim Rullo. In fact, besides the problems presented by Larry Loughery, the Friars matched up decently with the Prep. So anyway, we said our hellos to some Prep friends who promptly booed Bthom, forcing him to re-think his friendship with D’Orazio and several others once he sat down. Warm-ups for the next half were electrifying, but that was the apex of the action. We’re told that the Prep student section was ridiculous with their harassments of the Malvern ballas in the first half, but we were disappointed with the second-half performance.
   It is obvious that there is not much to say about the game. We looked forward to the Matty Giff-Joe Hoban match-up, but Hoban had a rough afternoon. He had the ball in his hands quite a bit, but, contrary to the chants of “ball-hog” by the “nerds”—right Gil?—Malvern just could not get their offense started. Larry Loughery played fairly well, but he showed signs of much-needed maturity in his dealings in the trenches with spark-plug Paul “76” Ostick. Reaching over the head of your opponent and grabbing his jersey is against the rules, Lar, especially away from the ball. You’re not at Saint Rose’s anymore; tell your sister we said send our love. 76 played the role of enforcer underneath, and as always, he showed a lot of hustle. The second-half stats for Paul looked something like 2 min, 2 boards, and three fouls. Somehow the story of his flagrant foul was convoluted tremendously, as B found out when Brian Daly, Bonner’s coach, inquired about the story of Paul punching the Prep kid and getting tossed. There were no punches thrown, just to clear that up. His game might not look pretty out there, but his hair always does.
   Junior standout quarterback, Ryan “Rudy (as coined by the Nerds, and rightfully so)” Nassib, was the best performer for the struggling Friars. He shot the ball well on his way to 10 points.
  As we said before, this should have been a better game, and that’s no secret. Just look at the HenDen’s prediction at the end of the Souderton obituary. The Prep actually could have won by 40, but Speedy mercifully decided to take his remaining starters out with just over a minute left. What can we say? Class act. In all seriousness, for all of you economics students out there, the Hawks did not reach their Productions Possibilities Curve (PPC) on this day. However, as always, Matty “Floor General” Griff was swoll with it on both ends. He finished as the game’s high-scorer with 12, but God knows that number speaks nothing of all of the other little things that Grif handles with outstanding proficiency. Grif: Bthom wants you to know he’s teaming up with Narberth legend Eric “I’m a 35 year old bus driver but still the man as far as the youngbulls are concerned” Reiley in order to talk you up with some of their boys who happen to be D-1 coaches. But seriously, the kid be deservin’ some better looks. Defensively the Hawks were, uhh, soaring. Prep defenders were sticking to the Friars like Haber’s hair gel to his scalp, which is rippppped by the way.
---ADDITIONAL COMMENTARY
-It was great to see Prep senior Chris Farrell get into the box score. Holla, Chris.
-But even better was seeing Sean McNulty, a fellow senior. We’ve all heard the story behind Sean finally making the team after 3 years. That’s flat-out inspiring, man. If for no one else, we will be rooting for you to get a Catholic league ship under your belt this season. Props, man.
-Both teams played under their respective capabilities. It was so bad that even the 6-Up reps left before the final 4 minutes were played out.
-The Friars shot horrifically from the stripe in the second half.
-Noteable Spectators: Penn teammates and former Malvern and Saint Joe’s stars Mark Zoeller and Brian Grandieri, along with Ryan Haber, who unfortunately was not wearing one of his trademark spaghetti-strap beaters, although he was looking pretty tan. Big ups to the olive-skinned giant.
-Jim Rullo noted in his post-game press conference his reasons behind sitting 6’7 warrior John “JHU Blue Jay” Alberici for the entire second half. Rullo explained that he had decided to go with the quickness, speed, and hair of Paul Ostick over John’s half-court-style post-up game. Inside sources tell us that John was in the doghouse, but has since made it to the front door and may perhaps get the opportunity to prove his naysayers wrong sometime soon.
-Despite the atrociousness of the afternoon, the evening was consummated by a romantic dinner with the boys, including Prep hoops manager/stud Brendan Smith, at Larry’s Steaks. It was there that we learned of the “Guido triple threat” and the “S n’ T Extravaganza.” Thanks, B-Smith.
-Congratulations to 33.333% of our team, Ted Rawlings, who learned of his acceptance to Penn that night.
-The HenDen has officially crossed the Rubicon and is floating triple-threat style unprotected in enemy waters. No need to come at the Inter-Ac yet this year; try winning a championship of your own first. P.S.: There were 6 Inter-Ac football teams this year, not 4. Rookie mistake by a veteran squad. Cardone would have caught it, but he was probably too busy deleting MySpaces. We’re no La Sallies.
-Merry Christmas to our vast fan base. You are the best. God bless you all and thanks for the loving support. We out.

DEC. 14
INTRO AND SEASON SO FAR . . .
   WHOA. Here we go. The most exciting time of the year is upon us. Actually, it's in full-swing; we're just a little late getting started. Before we start our reports, we decided a few brief introductions were in order. You know, create a friendly atmosphere for our readers. First up, Ted Rawlings, out of Saint Simon and Jude in the Dub-C. This kid is big-time, possibly a future ESPN analyst. The Lacrosse goalie for the STATE CHAMPION FRIARS, Ted wields a pen just as well as his LAX stick. Straight out of St. Mary Mags, Kevin Newby, a.k.a. Newbs, also a LAXer at Malvern, loves hoops almost as much as growing his hair out and playing the ladies. Last but not least, Brian Thomas, or Bthom, is simply living the dream. His presence is fueled not only by his love for Malvern, but by his boy Tom "Takin' a" Mulligan, EA reporter/fanatic with nothing to cheer about this year but plenty to slander, who lives across the street. Also a neighbor of Bri's is the head coach of Bonner's team, Brian Daly. Bthom, or simply B, reps the St. Denis Bulldawgs and spits hot fire. As a UNIT, we have some big shoes to fill. Drew "for Two" Flanagan has moved on to bigger and better things at Villanova. We love you Flan. Mad love also to Matt Smith of the Hen Den, a friend and role-model to each of us. We'll do our best to present informative, only slightly biased reports. It would be nice to avoid becoming obsessed with Tedsilaryesque nicknames, but we cannot promise anything. As for the title of our little column, well, it's a tribute to our AP Gov teacher and LAX coach, John McEvoy, a legend in his own right. All right, on to the good stuff. Big things this year for the Malvern hoops squadron. Jim Rullo, Malvern grad and former player and later coach at Drexel, is at the helm for his first season as high school head coach. Rullo brings a much-needed fire to the sidelines, and his players have responded tremendously to his passion for the game.
           The season is only five games old, yet the Friars have already played in two overtime battles, winning both, and have only surrendered one loss, an opening night defeat versus Monsignor Bonner in the closing seconds of regulation. In the recent past, the Malvern basketball team has been stiff competition for their opponents, but never seemed to have enough to become a legit contender in the Inter-Ac, or even out-of-league play.  This year, that seems to have changed. With the installment of Jim Rullo as the team's head coach, priorities have changed. The Friars are a much more disciplined and fundamentally sound squad and are anchored by very strong and experienced guard play. Their 4-1 start, and a four game winning streak since opening night, may be a shock to the Philadelphia area, but at Malvern, the team is hardly surprised. And the success is not expected to stop here. Rather, the Friars are searching for their first league title since 1995. Thus far, those lofty expectations don't seem so unreasonable.
Monsignor Bonner 55, Malvern Prep 52
   The season opened on a Friday night with rchbishop Bonner visiting. In front of a raucous crowd, the Friars fought valiantly for 30 minutes, and lead the game going into the final two minutes. However, a couple of crucial turnovers and missed free throws killed Malvern, and ultimately Jeff Jones sank the Friars with a deep three ball in the closing seconds. 

Malvern Prep 67, Friends Central 43
   After a devastating loss to Bonner, the Friars bounced back in dramatic fashion with a twenty plus point statement win against an inferior Friends Central team. Although both teams were plagued by poor shooting, the Friars jumped out to an early led and never looked back. Led by Joey Hoban, who dropped 12, and Paul "76" Ostick, who provided a spark off the bench for the Friars in the second quarter, the boys were able to open up a commanding lead in the second half and notch their first win on the year. With everyone seeing some quality time on the floor, it is certainly reassuring as a fan to see the skill and the teamwork of the young players off the Malvern bench. It sure looks like the future is bright for Malvern Prep Basketball.

Malvern Prep 56, Overbrook High 52
   Entering the Carroll tournament, the Friars had visions of victory. But first Malvern Prep had to take on a tough Overbrook High team. With some early scoring by John "Cheech" Alberici and a rain-down of threes in the game by Phil "The Thrill" Gosselin, the Friars were able to pull out a close one by a score of 56-52. This advanced them to the championship game the following Sunday where they would face the Patriots of Archbishop Carroll.

Malvern Prep 73, Archbishop Carroll 66 (3OT)
    After their semifinal victory over Overbrook. the Friars met up with the Archbishop Carroll in the tourney final. Malvern was looking to record its third win of the season. As each team battled hard, the end of regulation saw the scored all knotted up. The game was eventually decided in the 3rd OT behind the senior leadership of Joe Hoban and Phil Gosselin, as well as some clutch late game shooting from the line by junior Kevin Corbett. This was a big win for the Friars, and they hoped to continue their momentum against the Coatesville Raiders on Tuesday night.       

Malvern Prep 49, Coatesville High 45
   Following their emotional win over Archbishop Carroll to win the Carroll tournament, Malvern responded with another emotional overtime win versus the Coatesville Raiders. Phil "The Thrill" Gosselin led all Friar scorers with 16 points and nailed a late second shot to give the Friars a two point lead. The Raiders hit a buzzer beater at the end of regulation to send the game into extra rounds. But the stingy Malvern defense held the Raiders to two points in overtime, both coming from the charity stripe, and held on for a 49-47 victory. Going into their battle with The Prep, Malvern was 4-1 and riding a 4 game winning streak.