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The Hen Den
Christian Henry
leads the crew of three SJ Prep students trying to pick up where Hawk Talk
left off. Lots of pressure, eh? Chris is receiving help from
Matt Cardone and Matt Smith. L to R -- Matt Smith, Christian Henry, Matt Cardone. |
JAN. 19
CATHOLIC SOUTH
SJ Prep 55 Roman Catholic 47
I know what you’re thinking, “Hey wait a minute!
The Hen Den guys only report on games the Prep wins. They also haven’t done a
report in over 3 weeks. Friarside Chats is the new Hen Den anyway, they’re so
yesterday!” Well, Hen Den readers, we’re back. You might be wondering why we
haven’t been reporting, and you might be asking yourself, “Was football season a
fluke?” Well our closest friends would only know those answers. After the
LaSalle post (below), we received much heat and controversial statements from
all over the Catholic League and also from that private school league that
nobody cares about, and we knew things needed to change. At the same time, our
fan base was through the roof. Our ratings and hits were never higher. We were
bigger than life, and nobody could stop us. We were edgy, controversial,
incomparably hilarious, and the worst part was we were becoming superstars.
The ladies were practically throwing themselves at us at every Prep sporting
event we attended, even bowling. The money was flowing in from all over the
world. The reports just didn’t matter anymore; all we wanted was the fame. The
money was getting to our heads. Cardone bought a Cadillac and started seeing a
girl that nobody in the group approved of. His life was getting out of control,
and we decided it was time for him to leave the group. Smith decided to go solo
writing reports for the paper, and he was now hangin’ out with the wrong crowd,
the bad guys of the Prep, John Dodig and his newspaper crew. He lost
touch of his roots, and now called TedSilary.com pointless and a waste of his
journalism genius. While Henry spent all of his money on candy, he quickly
became bankrupt. He turned to the life of crime to gain back his riches, but it
led to no success. He was arrested numerous times and hit rock bottom. All
around the same time the Hen Den was no longer the big deal. Three young punks
from Malvern were coming in and taking our heat. They started their own Hen
Den-Explore This battle with Tim Gramlich, and we were a lost cause.
Then, something clicked. We saw each other at the Hen Den platinum hit reunion
and the fans wanted a comeback. It was time, but we couldn’t just come back like
nothing happened. We trailed to the Himalayas for weeks, finding our inner
Hen-Den. The stuff that made us famous football season, the stuff the people
loved. Our next step was seeking out the guidance of Trapist monks on the peak
on Mt. Ginushka. With their help, our inner-energy with rigorous training of the
mind and soul would never be stronger. Then, in the early days of our training,
we stumbled upon one of the great secrets in our website world. It turns out,
the legend that be, Dennis H.P. McLaughlin, now referred to as Brother
Dunking Waitkus, was also trying to reach the summit of inner-solitude. We then
realized where the legend of Part II had gone. As we grew in mind and soul
alike, it was time to return to the real world. We stumbled back at 17th and
Girard for a Catholic South matchup between the Prep and Roman Catholic. I know
what you’re asking, “Why did I just waste my time reading that story, and why is
your sense of humor so pathetic?” Well reader, shut it. I also know you’re
asking, “How did the Prep beat Roman?” Allow the return of the Hen Den to
explain these questions and a whole lot more . . .
All the ink in this one had to go to Jr. F Larry Loughery.
Larry finished with a game high 20 points, 10 boards, and 5 nicey blocks. Larry
was virtually unstoppable, as Roman didn’t have a guy bigger than Sr. Bradley
Wanamaker, a 6’3” G-F committed to Pittsburgh. Larry was the key force in
the Prep’s offense, even with a sub-par-than-usual Jr. F Jim Mower who
only finished with 8, and Larry did it on both sides of the floor. The stats
aren’t exact, but Larry must have been blocked 5-8 times by Wanamaker and Jr.
twins Wes and Will Kirkland. Despite the blocked shots, Larry kept
comin’ and was game-changing to say the least. Contributing on both sides of the
court also was Sr. C Rob Coney, who finished with 7 but his board game
was the factor here. Rob showed much improvement on that end of the game. Coney
will be a big factor in this team's success in the playoffs. The Neumann-Goretti
game this Sunday for a shared possession of first place will lie on the soldiers
of Coney’s ability to rebound with the presence of Sr. C Rick Jackson
looming. Sr. PG Matt Griffin finished with 12 points, 9 of those on
three’s, and 3 more coming at the line. Griff had some trouble down the stretch
converting free throws in a tight game, which as uncharacteristic as John
McShea looking both ways before he crosses the street. Griff was held and
grabbed all game by Jr. G Courtney Stanley and sixth man Nick Daggett.
Also doing a good bit of holding and grabbing himself was Brad Wanamaker.
Wanamaker only finished with 10, not impressive for a Big East-caliber player.
Ted’s comments he made about the refs' calls were probably accurate. The calls
did lean our way, and Speedy Morris in a home gym may have had something to do
with that. But in retrospect, the level of aggressiveness Roman actually plays
on defense does allow for refs to tend to make more calls than normal. In our
opinion, both Wanamaker and Stanley both got away with a lot. And the Roman
players did do a lot of arguing calls. But the standout of Roman’s character was
the 5’5” 320 lb. stud-student Jimmy McBaggykins, who sported his patented
aviator sunglasses while yelling to an obnoxious level that even Prep principal
Michael Gomez needed to speak with him one-on-one. The game would
eventually get closer in the fourth than it had been all game, considering Prep
at one point led by margins of 10 and 12, to the point where the sweat of Sr.
Jim Tatlow actually went into the basket from his front row seats. Pennsbury
Sr. C Kevin Gallagher, a former Prep student, arrived fresh from his tour
around Philadelphia with a pit stop at the King of Prussia Mall, a personal
favorite. When asked about the game, Kev responded, “Muh, Prep won bro. Sweet
game.” Kev’s teammate, Lavoy Allen (Temple) who killed the Prep at
Arcadia in their win over the Hawks, gave mad props to the Hen Den with the
tradition Hen Den “Stomp the Court” dance that was made famous by Paul VI stud
and Hollister model Mike “Easy on the Eyes” Harker. The Prep moved to 6-1
in the first stretch of the Catholic League South and took possession of second
place. Sitting along the baseline Sunday were Ted, Huck Palmer, and
Amauro Austin. We were totally thinking about saying hi, but to be honest,
Amar intimidates us. Nah, just kidding, but the site of the three of you gave us
a good look into our futures. The Hawks next look to Bonner and Sr. G Jeff
Jones (Virginia), also known as my godson, who poured in 31 points en route
to a tough loss at Bonner’s gym. Sr. G Tim Vanderslice is reported to
have guaranteed a win Jimmy Rollins style, calling Bonner the team to
beat in the CL South. This seems to be a big game for the Hawks in the middle of
contests between the other two powers in the South, Roman followed by Neumann on
Sunday in SP. Head Coach Speedy Morris has called for an overflow of
students in the Kelly Fieldhouse on Friday, with the game televised on CN8.
Ya’ll know Jeff Jones? This is a Hen Den call for a rowdy day on Friday in one
of the last big home games we’ll see.
-- WILLIAM BRAGG TAYLOR WATCH:
If you read the Inquirer, in accordance with the Hen Den, you would have
recognized the recent report on Taylor, who chipped in with a triple double with
25 points, 11 rebounds, and 10 steals. In his last game He’s averaging 17 ppg,
and this kid’s only a sophomore. We’d like to congratulate Bragg man for his
appearance in the Inquirer, too bad it wasn’t the Daily News though (wink wink
Ted). To any college coach, check this kid out. Well we’ll sum it up with the
Brag man, see you by the Friarside.
DEC. 31
NON-LEAGUE
SJ Prep 58, La Salle 54
“Dude, it’s New Year's! Time to party! La
Salle owns the Catholic League.” Those words were flying around everywhere you
went from Sallie students wearing their traditional five-collared student
section outfits on the Wyncote campus on Cheltenham Ave. as myself and football
standout Joe “Big Red” McKendry arrived at LaSalle. The two teams were
set to meet at La Salle’s beautiful Fieldhouse in a New Year’s Eve contest.
Unfortunately, I pulled a Brian Thomas and failed the reach the gym
before halftime. Cardone pulled a Ted Rawlings and never showed up, and
Henry pulled a Kevin “Maestro” Newby and was busy at his little sister’s
piano recital to witness Newbs do his thing. But what surprised me the most as I
walked into the gym was as follows. A tale so dark and disturbing, that the Hen
Den, Saint Joseph’s Prep and the Philadelphia Catholic league are asking you to
now begin to scroll down if you have heart failure. Sports fans, get this:
LaSalle’s 6’10” standout Robert Montgomery Waitkus was not on the court
as warm-ups began. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen in the gym. I figured
Waitkus was busy giving Dennis an interview on his impressive first half, seeing
the score was 24-19 in Prep’s favor, and the only man to keep that close enough
was Rob himself. Yet to my horrifying and unthinkable surprise, I peered into
LaSalle’s seven man student section, and in the middle was the man himself, RMW
was not on the court, and even worse not on the team. He had quit in defiance of
LaSalle’s basketball program not living up to Rob’s Oak Hill standards. Folks
this was similar to watching a LaSalle lax game and seeing Jack Forster
in a polo. This was like attending a North Catholic football game and hearing
Daryl Robinson screaming expletives from the sidelines. Believe it or not,
this was like attending a Malvern Prep water polo game and seeing their whole
team suspended from school for—oh wait. It was as if Wilt Chamberlain had
just quit the Sixers after his 100-point game. This was a travesty to say the
least, and a black mark on the La Salle athletic program. Ok, for all of the Hen
Den’s heart patients, please pick up your reading now. The second half started
out sloppy. I mean this game was about as sloppy as T.J. Brown the night
before. Sorry about the Zimmerman incident I’m hearing about T.J., but Greg is
the son of Al. It can happen to the best of us. I’m speaking of the man himself,
Albert “Former Prep Admissions Director and henceforth Hated by the Entire
LaSalle Alumni of the Nineties” Zimmerman and his son Greg Zimmerman,
a father and son legend of the Prep that will go down in infamy. Greg and I sat
close on the baseline and were in the head of players, refs, and fans early and
often. La Salle’s defensive game plan was simple; reach, grab, hold, go over the
top, swat at everything, and in the meanwhile get called for practically
nothing. Any contact from Sr. C Rob Coney, Sr. F Matt Dolan, or
Jr. F Larry Loughery was whistled at immediately. Now I’m not one to
criticize the refs, but this game became out of control on both sides of the
floor. The tempo was good though and defensively buckets didn’t come easy as
both teams showed great intensity in the paint. Jr. G Mike Topley did a
superb job on Griffin holding him to 7 which all came in the second half. But in
the third, Prep Jr. G Jim “Ballaholic until he got cut, then I went with the
Professor until he got hurt, so now I stick with The Air Up There” Mower
started to take over as he paced the Prep with 12. Loughery chipped in with 15.
For LaSalle, it was Clay “Not an Aiken fan by coincidence” Penecale who
looked great shooting the ball on the day. At the line, Clay was ridiculed by
some unruly Prep fans yet managed to sink 6 straight in the fourth. He finished
with a game-high 22 as he hit contested shots from all parts of the floor. Jr.
Joe Migliarese showed his football skills in this one as he would run
down the lane out of control and just hit people, but that Touchdown was clutch
bra. Migs finished with an Ostick like 7 points. In the fourth, La Salle
Sr. Sean Benz actually pulled off the Slip N Slide from the PS2 hit NBA
Street Volume 2. This resulted in LaSalle Sr. Chris Grady running onto
the court and taking off the jersey of Prep Jr. Matt Williams as Matt
Crozier threw the ball into the stands as the game stopped. The La Salle
announcer called Sean his godson for the next 18 minutes until play was resumed.
Things would get more serious in the final minute of the game. As La Salle began
to press, down 6 points, Griffin was double teams by Topley and Frank Pierson
as they literally ripped his numbers off his jersey. Williams would throw the
ball away on an inbounds, and then proceed on the Prep’s next possession to be
called for a walk, followed by a technical for some high-spirited words. This
all happened with under 15 seconds to play and La Salle trailed by 6. After
Pennacle hit two free throws for the tech, LaSalle cut the lead to 2 before
Dolan was fouled with 0.4 tics on the clock. The refs deliberated for a good 5
minutes before deciding to reset the clock to 1.6 seconds left. This was due of
course to the badgering by a couple Prep seniors questioning the hairline of a
certain official. Well, in the end it didn’t matter as Dolan hit both foul shots
extending the Hawk lead to 4. T.J. “Wanna Be Greg Epps” Brown took a
meaningless half court buzzer beater that rimmed out. You would have thought
T.J. was shooting for the win in the NBA finals the way LaSalle fans reacted to
the miss. Rob Coney would manage to throw down a ridiculously gross dunk in the
heat of this one that put that place on its feet. The Prep looked bad in this
one. It was probably due to the tough play of LaSalle, who really came out ready
to pull off the upset. Did I mention this game was sloppy?
--Game Notes--
--Prior to this clash of the Catholic League Titans,
one of the greatest and most elegant of entrances was made into the luxurious
and spacious La Salle fieldhouse by living legends Dennis “Maximus”
McLaughlin and Chris “Decimus” Grady. Surrounded by a multitude of La
Salle faithful and carried on their royal flatbeds, draped in blue and gold, by
the ecstatic “Pack Mules,” Dennis and Chris made their entrance into the
coliseum. The two gods were then fed the sweetest of grapes by lovely Gwynned
Seniors, all the while being fanned by palm leaves of extraordinary size. This
truly was a sight to be seen. Donning their gold and blue togas, respectively,
they offered a sacrificial taurus to the Golden McBurnie, which followed shortly
behind. The festivities were capped off by an interpretive dance to the
delightful sounds of Enya by Larry “Sideburns” McBurnie at halftime.
-- After this nail-biting win for the Hawks, the team now stands at an
impressive 10-2 record on the year. Congratulations to Speedy Morris for
managing this group of guys very well. Also, we would like to take time to
congratulate the managers: Pat Curtin, Connor McDevitt, Brendan
“Bsmith” Smith, and Joe “Brother of the Studly Chris” Farrell.
-- Inter-ac power Chestnut Hill lost a heartbreaker to the basketball dynamo
that is Abington Friends. Memphis Grizzlies prospect Rob “Son of Donald”
Keefer led the Raging Cajuns to the demolition of Chestnut Hood. He had 22
points on the day. This will leave many Inter-ac followers wondering, “When will
the new era begin?” Not anytime soon.
-- Malvern superstud senior Brian Walter Thomas appears to be in hot
water following his use of the apparently copyrighted term, “Friar Nation.”
Former Washington Redskins and Philadelphia Eagles superstar Irving Fryar
coined this term for his fan section (which never actually existed), and is now
pressing charges.
-- Speaking of the Friarside Crew, we would just like to take the time to notice
the slight coincidence concerning their photograph. Oh the irony! I must say, in
the midst of being referred to as a rip-off myself, it appears that the
brilliant critics of the Hen Den have failed to overlook something. Even Malvern
Superfan Thaddeus Kirk has gone to the lengths of declaring this a
rip-off. The only thing I can say is that Bthom makes a good Chenry.
-- To Tom “Taking a” Mulligan, a picture is worth a thousand words, but a
thousand different pictures is worth nothing. Why do you constantly change
yours?
-- Congratulations to the 2006 Sacred Heart Bombardment Tournament Champions,
“The Diddlers on the Roof,” and the second place finishers, “The East Side
Bowflex.” The Championship match was truly a clash of dodgeball’s best. My
choices for MVP of the match, Brian Klarich for his amazing armpit catch,
and Frank Weber for his game winning backboard shot for the Diddlers. For
the ESB, Matt Cardone for his amazing cannon arm that gives those
sophomore guys nightmares, John Lalor for his pin-point backboard
accuracy, and Andrew “Afroms” Fromhold for his classic half court shot
that put the ESB in the championship. Oh, and thanks to Galen Grady I
guess. He tried really hard.
-- WILLIAM BRAGG TAYLOR WATCH: The Bragg-man still continues to impress
Mercy Vocational fans with his amazing reflexes, cunning moves, and pin-point
shot. There has only been one game since we last checked in with Sir William,
but he still manages to be the talk of the town as he scored 28 against the
tough Wyncote Wolverines. The Hen Den crew will travel to his next game, which
is at his Hunting Park stomping grounds, the Mercy Vocational Fieldhouse. The
game is set for January 4, 2007 against the West-Mont Christian Bison. This
matchup pits Sir William of Bragg against the basketball titan, Patrick Sharr.
Sharr has owned the scoring title for the Bison for the previous 2 seasons,
averaging well over 27 points a game both years. Our prediction: Mercy
Vocational 81, West-Mont Christian 72. By the way, Bragg is currently averaging
19.3 PPG with 154 points over 8 games.
-- The Prep is set to play perennial powerhouse Monsignor Bonner tonight in
Upper Darby. Bonner star senior Tim Vanderslice has expressed extreme
confidence in his ability to lead the Friars to a win. However, his hopes
diminished as he realized that Bonner shares the same mascot as Malvern, the
team which was shut down by the Hawks. Now fearing the moment he has to face
Larry Loughery on the court, Timothy has called up his pal Paul Ostick
seeking advice to tame the wild beast. Our Prediction: SJ Prep 64, Bonner 56.
-- The Hen Den would like to wish all our fans, non-fans, critics, and readers
alike a very Happy and Healthy New Year. We out.
DEC. 12
NON-LEAGUE
SJ Prep 80, Souderton 30
Let that
sink in for a second...Ok, well we are back. I know many people have been
waiting for the return of The Hen Den basketball edition and here it is, and it
couldn’t have come at a better time, but before we get to the Souderton game, I
will start somewhere in the middle. Well, not the middle, rather the very
beginning. The Prep came into the season having to deal with the loss of current
Villanova Wildcat Reggie “Reads Every Edition of the Hen Den” Redding,
the school’s all-time leader in scoring. They now look for senior leadership
from Captain PG Matt Griffin, brother of the almighty John (Bucknell), F
Matt Dolan and C Rob Coney. The highlight player has to go to Jr.
F Larry Loughery. Filling out the starting the rotation is Jr. G Jim
“The Air Up There” Mower.
The Hawks started off the season with
big wins over neighborhood foes William Penn and Girard College. They next took
part in the Philly Invitational at Philly University against Inter-Ac dynasties
Penn Charter and Germantown Academy. In the Charter game, behind a performance
of Virginia bound Sam Zeglinski, the Quakers kept it close. You might
remember Sam’s performance against the Prep in the ’98 thriller, past Prep
legend Kasim “I Also Enjoy a Good Hen Den or Two” Holloman to win the
thriller for the Quakers. In this one, a 13-point win for the Hawks stunned the
Charter faithful, known as the Quaker crew. A chant erupted from the student
section of “La Salle owns you.” The chant crushed the hearts of Prep football
players Brian Brinkmann and Joe D’Orazio. They couldn’t believe
the winner of the almighty Inter-Ac took the time out to call out the Prep’s
football team. After their thrilling defeats of three other teams, the Quakers
conquered the powerful league. RB Sean McNally introduced himself as “The
League MVP,” otherwise known as “Possible All Catholic Honorable Mention,
maybe?” The following night, the Prep took on Germantown Academy and squeaked
out a 3-point victory to make it a quick perfect 4-0. ST. JOE’S WAS GOING TO
PLAY SOUDERTON!!! Finally in the last of my four years, we were going to play
the archrivals, Souderton…
PART 2 COMING SOON . . .
OK part 2. We actually finish what we start.
The Flaming
Hens of Souderton came into the game fired up to take down the Prep and Head
Coach Speedy Morris. Their student section, “The Flamed Coop” stormed
into the Kelly Fieldhouse ready to freestyle rap battle the Bucks County way.
They too, obvious fans of famed writer Dennis McLaughlin, began chanting,
“La Salle owns you.” The game was a bit one sided. A strong showing of 11 first
half points kept the Coop squawking with glee. Sr. F Harrison “Call me Harry
and I’ll snap” O’Donovan, paced the Hens with 6. A big three was drilled by
Sr. WG Laurence “Call me Larry and I’ll snap” Skynyrd, descended of the
great Lynyrd Skynyrd. The Prep was led by Mower, with 17 points. Loughery
added 13 points, 47 rebounds, along with 11 blocks. Sr. bench standouts Chris
Farrell and Sean McNulty chipped in with 9 and 3 respectively.
Chicken hasn’t tasted this good since we beat them by 70 last year.
---GAME NOTES:
-Jenkintown Sr. G Mark Carissimi is leading his team with an avaerage of
3 points, 1 assist, 3 rebounds, and 19 oh snaps, otherwise known to Preppers as
the mustache yell.
-Well we all know about the Allen Iverson trade situation. The rumors rounding
up are astonishing. Well, the Hen Den guys just picked up an inside scoop in on
Billy King and the staff. A couple names being tossed around are Gheorghe
Muresan, Dale Davis, Detlef Schrempf, Sam Perkins,
Dan Mejrle, Rob Waitkus, Clarence “Spoon” Weatherspoon, and
even former Prep player Jamar Stokes.
-The Prep student section really picked up its performance when Prep fans Pat
Malloy, Mike McCarthy, and Mark Doughty (in order) walked into
the fieldhouse leading cheers. The three pitched in as a trip to push Prep Pride
to a maximum. It was needed after the Coop began getting out of hand.
-WILLIAM BRAGG TAYLOR WATCH:
We all know about city prime time players such as Neumann-Goretti standouts
Antonio “Scoop” Jardine and Rick Jackson, both Syracuse commits;
Roman Sr. G Bradley Wanamaker (Pittsburgh), Zeglinski (Virginia),
Bonner G Jeff Jones (Maryland), and the nation’s top Junior prospect
Tyreke Evans of American Christian. But what many basketball fans do not
know about is the standout from Mercy Vocational: William Bragg Taylor.
The Jaguars are 7-0 in the early season. Taylor has led the way with 27, 25, 21,
21, 15, 11, 10. The kid is a premier player, and since the Jags from Hunting
Park Ave. get no street cred on the web, it’s our duty to hype this kid up into
a Division I 5 star prospect. Our goal is simple, we want Coach K, Roy
Williams, Lute Olsen, Bob Huggins, Jay Wright, and the
best of the best at Mercy’s gym checking out the Bragg. Call him our side
project on what seems to be a tough season for the Hen Den crew.
-The Prep next takes on Malvern Prep on Thursday at 3:45. The Friars are led by
PG Joe Hoban and Phil Gosselin. Our Prediction: SJ Prep 58-44.
P.S. We are eagerly awaiting Part 2 of the most coveted piece of literature in
all the land.