This Squirrel Deserves the Chair!!!
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On July 5, 2005, this squirrel perpetrated unspeakable
crimes on chairs perched
on Ted's front porch. The Wife was in tears for hours. Oh, the horror! Oh, the
sadness! The search is on. The squirrel has medium height, medium weight,
above average intelligence. If you see him/her, please contact your local
This sequence began when our cat, Pat the Cat, began looking through the
window at a rocking chair that was going back and forth with, supposedly, no
one in it. When we looked outside, the "no one" turned out to be The Vandalizin'
(Can you tell it's summertime and I'm looking for stuff to do? -- smile).
At this point, we thought this was just a nice squirrel hanging out briefly
on our porch.
But then, we looked around the porch some more and saw the damage.
And the "perp" was trying to hide behind this nearby tree.
And then . . . the "perp" went up the tree and tried to avoid the
waited him out and got this shot.
The evidence. Notice the large hole in the cushion, along with several other
puncture wounds. The damage on the other chair was only slightly less brutal.
This squirrel was hanging out on the back porch this morning. Does he
look like the perp? I don't notice any cushion material under his fingernails.
Or is it pawnails?
Get the DNA from that squirrel!! That's cotton, or whatever
substance it is, from inside the cushion!!! ha ha. After this
he/she ran across the street and went into a gigantic pine
And the damage gets worse!!! The value of our house is sinking as we speak.
We have run up the white flag . . . Er, the all-white chairs. The cushions
have been retired
and the squirrel no longer has to fear for his life. Or pose for pictures.