Dan the SalaMANder

Dan "Salamander" McLaughlin, a student at Cardinal Dougherty, has joined our ever-expanding squad. He hangs out in the Looney Bin and comes up with some funny comments. You may reach Dan at GrandWazy@aol.com.
He is world-renowned as a deep thinker, as you can
undoubtedly tell from the picture to the left.

MARCH 12
SEASON IN REVIEW
   The 2001-2002 season ended in disappointment for myself, the Bin, and the millions and millions of Dougherty fans out there. Picked by most to win it all, once again they choked against the South. The game against Neumann was there for the taking but when you shoot 30some% to Neumann's damn near 50%, you aren't going to win. Things look bright for the Cards, though, as we have most of our main players back and some up and coming ones being brought up. Though we lose some heart and leadership with the departure of Timmy "Deaf Kids Rule" Smink and Mike "Meelosh" McDonald, the return of Shane Clark, DeSean White, Bilal Benn, Ike Greer, and Sean Bolling provide an exprienced core for the team to build around. Up from the JV team come a very talented group of "D-Mac" McMillan, Alton "Peaches" Williams, and the next version of Redz and Skip in bench warming, Chris Caine. Time to give out the first, and probably last "Sal Awards" to those I feel deserve them. The 2001-2002 Sal Awards go to:
North MVP- Shane "Baby Garnett" Clark, hes got 2 more years left and was the best big man in the North this year. Imagine him if got in the weight room...
   North Coach of the Year- Got to go with the McDevitt assistant coach that not only looked like the guy Pig Vomit from Howard Stern, but sounded just like him too. Makes a hecklers job easy when they are set up like that.
   Game of the Year- Judge at Dougherty. Timmy Smink nails a 3-bomb as time expires to send it into overtime against CD's biggest rival. Then he lights them up during OT to finish them off and pretty much wrap up the North.
   Fans of the Year- Sure, its coming from me, but I went to all the other North schools and they had nothing on the Looney Bin. We weren't what we used to be but still were rowdy and loud all game long. The Abyss is dead, stick a fork in it. The Krazy Korner? Come on now, their name isn't even original. Woods fans had a Spad-o-Meter, The Wins-Against-Dougherty-O-Meter rang up a big goose egg.
   The Sampson Defensive Player of the Year- Bilal "Mushmouth" Benn. Guarded most of the best players on the other team, often shutting them down.   Silenced Haigh in both games and kept Spadafora under his average for 3 times. Kids got 2 more years and has the determination to keep getting better.
   The Bry Cole Pumpkin Head of the Year Award- Since no player lit up the court with their hair the color of the flames of Hell, this award goes to the second coming of Redz, Sean "Fonzie" McGovern.
   The "I Wanna Be Like Ted" Writer of the Year Award- Air Horn Guy takes the cake, writing the best reports with the most stats, and causing the most fights in Random Thoughts. Plus it wouldn't be right to give myself an award.
   The McGovern Award is a new one, going to the best player on the worst team. The first ever McGovern Award winner is Andrew Holland from Egan. When the next best player on your team is..... It sucks to be you.
   The Bri Green "Someone Feed Me" Skinny Man of the Year- Call it a draw between CD's Shane Clark and Judge's Dan Welsh. You put these 2 together, double it up, and you might almost have 1 Fat Ringo.
   Finally,the All-Sal BenchRiding Squad: CD's Matt Martin and Skip Matysik, Judge's Joe Lorenti, everyone on Egan's team except Andrew Holland, and McDevitt's Chris "I wish i were Timmy Smith" Palmero.
   Thanks to everyone who read my articles, I hope you got something out of them. Make sure to check in for my baseball reports as I try and tackle America's Past-time. Also, for the Fan Tourney I'm predicting a CD win, the Bin will finish what our team couldn't.

MARCH 4
MORE PREDICTIONS
   The second round of the playoffs features Dougherty vs. Neumann and Prep vs. Ryan. Last week came out pretty much like i predicted it would except the Prep blowing out Bonner. Unlike last week, none of these teams have met so far this season so it is pretty much wide open as far as what can do down. The winner of each game gets to meet the other on Saturday to decide who is the best team in the Catholic League for 2001-2002. Let's see how Sal sees this weekend shaping up...
   Prep vs. Ryan: Ryan took out Judge for the 3rd time this season to advance to this semi-final game. Prep comes off a 20 point
romp against Bonner. I've seen too much of Ryan for my liking this year, I don't really think they are that good. As for Prep, I know their coach is Speedy Morris, that's about it. Ryan relies on Kozole having an all around great game and connecting with Andy MacDonald to win. They also play some tough D and that's what keeps them close enough to win it. As for the Prep, they got a good record and are usually a tough team on the boards. Ryan got lucky by getting the weakest team in the first round, they don't go any further. PREP 51-44.
    Dougherty vs. Neumann: Every year Dougherty gets to the semis, and chokes. They run into a Southern powerhouse and they just fall apart every year. This year though, the South wasn't what it used to be and this year there is no Eddie Griffin and Roman to stand in CD's way. Neumann deserved better than a 4th seed, they had the most talent in the South and proved it by beating #1 Carroll like a redheaded stepchild on Saturday night. Haven't seen them play much this year but from what I've seen and read about, they don't match up well with Dougherty's size. They are a little faster than Dougherty, but if CD were to put out on the floor McDonald, Clark, White, Greer/Smink, and Bolling, i think the Cards keep the size advantage and neutralize the speed of Neumann. Bottom line is CD has got more talent and size, speed is even between these two. DOUGHERTY moves 1 step closer to the Championship 69-64.

Finally, playoff time is here. After months of build up, trash talk, and hard played games, its time for it all to be put on the line. Out of the North this year comes Dougherty as a favorite to win it all, but followed closely by rivals Wood, Judge and Ryan. The South this year is the world turned upside down with Carroll taking the regular season title, the Prep and Bonner placing 2nd and 3rd, Neumann barely getting a 4th seed, and Roman is no where to be found. Lets go over the playoffs the way I see them turning out. First round playoff games feature the best of the North and South against the 4th seed teams from their divisions. The 2nd and 3rd seeds from each also face each other.
    BONNER VS. PREP: Prep took both regular season games in typical Speedy Morris fashion, tight defense and just enough offense to win. The teams are evenly matched and I must admit I don't know a lot about them. One thing that stands out though, it is rather hard to beat a team 3 times in one season, ask Judge about last year's Dougherty team. Coaching and how the refs call it will decide this close game, I take BONNER 54-51.
    JUDGE VS. RYAN: This contest features 2 favored MVP candidates in Ryan's Chris Kozole and Judge's No. 11 (I refuse to use his name in my column). Ryan took both games during the regular season and both were very hard-played and close games, winning by a combined 13 points. The Raiders have been able to contain Judge's No. 11 both times, keeping his scoring down below his average. Judge on the other hand couldn't control MacDonald the first game, then couldn't handle O'Malley the 2nd time around. A hard played game, it's all about what happens on the court because the fans won't be a big factor. The death of the Abyss will spell the end of the Crusaders season when they lose one more time to Ryan 61-53.
    CARROLL VS. NEUMANN: As in every first round game in the PCL, one team swept the regular season from the other. Carroll mangled the rest of the South, except for a close loss to O'Hara. That is, until they met up with a talented Neumann squad, and lost by an average of 11.5 points. Both times the Pirates held Ingram to a low point total of 4 points per game. From what I've heard and seen, Neumann is one of the most well balanced and talented teams to draw a 4th seed and I don't think Carroll has the defense to shut them down enough to win. Take Neumann in a close one 59-57.
    DOUGHERTY VS. WOOD: Two games, two different tempos, same outcome. First time they played, Dougherty lost DeSean "Gimme DA Ball" White to a wrist injury and still managed to blow out the Vikings early to cruise to a 70-50 win. Next time they met, Wood was only down by 4 going into the last quarter, but then Dougherty pulled away to seal the deal with a 67-52 rout. Spadafora proves to be a difficult assignment for anyone to defend but if CD puts either Bilal "Mushmouth" Benn or Ike "Whitey" Greer on him, he'll be held in check. The reason I got to go with Dougherty on this one is the big men, The Cards got them and Wood does not. Unless they find a way to handle both DeSean and Shane "Baby Garrnet" Clark, they can't hope to keep up in this game. The other thing Wood has to worry about is the house of fire that is Andy "Skip" Matysik, who has suddenly come into the zone in the last 2 games and is on the verge of breaking the bench warmer scoring record set last year by everyone's favorite pumpkin head Bryan Cole. Wood has got the talent, but they don't have the big men needed to stay with Dougherty. Even when they slowed down White and Clark they were burned by big games from Timmy "Deaf Kid for President" Smink and Ike. Regular season games were both blowouts, I don't see any reason this is different. CD in a slobernocker 71-53.
    Not saying this is the way the playoffs will turn out, in sports one of the greatest parts is that you never know what can happen. This is just the way i see things happening, hope everyone has fun watching some great basketball this weekend.

FEB. 24
SPECIAL REPORT
   In honor of February being Black History Month, I thought it would be helpful for everyone to do a little learning on African-American History. Since I'm a huge basketball fan, I decided to combine the two.
These days most Division 1 basketball teams are mostly black, the average team between 60-75% African-American. The NBA is also about 80% black, but what about the time before when things were different. National powerhouses such as Duke and North Carolina were all-white squads back in the 50-60's and usually smoked the smaller black colleges.
    The 1960s, as we all know, were a time of great racial tension in our country. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream and a march on Washington D.C, the greatest boxer of all-time cut 5 years off his career by sticking to his principles, and Tommie Smith and John
Carlos put up fists of protest at the Olympics.
    Into this atmosphere came a showcase of talent which we will all take part in next month, the NCAA tournament. The year was 1966 and 4-time champs Kentucky was once again strongly favored to make it five. Smoking their first four opponents, it seemed to be in the bag for the Wildcats; all that stood in their way was a school no one ever heard of. From the desert plains near El Paso, the Texas Western Miners rode into March Madness on hard work, determination, and a street style of basketball that most bigger schools could not control. The set-up was this: Kentucky is a national power, and all-white. Texas Western was a middle-of-nowhere underdog, and all-black. The papers were all over the situation mocking the nicknames of the Texas Western squad (Bobby "Joe Slop" Hill, Orsten "Little O" Artis, Willie "Iron Head" Worsley, Harry "The Cricket" Flournoy, Nevil "The Shadow" Shed, Willie "Scoops" Cager and David "Big Daddy D" Lattin).
   "No way in hell 5 black aces of Texas can beat the pride of Kentucky" stated one new reporter. No one credited T.W. for already knocking off heavily favored Kansas and Cincinnati.
    Hyped up for days, the game finally was played out with the full passion, which was expected. "Big Daddy D" warned of incoming goods for Kentucky, and T.W. delivered by taking the game to Kentucky strong and early. Up by 31-28, the Miners from El Paso rode a 28-34 performance from the foul line in the second half to a 71-65 upset. Kentucky forward Pat Riley (the coach) says of T.W. "Incoming goods were bouncing off Lattin like he was Charles Barkley. I remember Willie Cager slashing through our whole team for dunk after dunk. After those incoming goods, I knew it was going to be a long night"
    The result was a shock to everyone, yet it changed nothing right away. Most major colleges still did not accept black players until the early '70s; most were forced by the courts. Mississippi State went so far as to skip the NCAA tournament instead of allowing blacks onto the team. Though many players feel that at the time they were not motivated by race, looking back on it both sides have a sense of pride at playing in a game that knocked some sense into the basketball world and eventually helped it achieve equality.

FEB. 3
CATHOLIC NORTH
Dougherty 67, Wood 52
    Super Bowl Sunday couldn't get much better than this. Wake up at 2 in the afternoon after "celebrating" the Sixers great game over the Bucks, walk the block from my house to Dougherty to watch the Cards dismantle Wood, then get fat on chicken wings and pizza while witnessing the greatest Super Bowl of my lifetime.
    This game may have looked like the last one with the score 67-52 (70-50 last time), but it was much tougher than you can guess. Wood was only down 34-28 at the half and even closer at 44-40 after the 3rd, but like it has so many times this year Dougherty poured in on in the 4th to win by 15. CD was led by soph MVP contender Shane "Baby Garnett" Clark, who keeps getting better and better by the game. If anyone can stop this kid, they certainly aren't in the North, he's definite D-1 material, and he's got 2 years to go. He hit jumps shots, drove when he wished, and posted up everyone while knocking down 22 pts. The return of DeSean White (12 pts.) gives Dougherty the best Twin Towers combo in the city. Timmy "Superman" Smink came back from a terrible game against La Salle friday night to stop a Wood momentum shift by dropping a huge 3-bomb en route to a 13 point performance.
    Wood has got a solid team, the play some tough D, just not up to the level of talent Dougherty's got though, but i see them in the playoffs maybe. They got some young guys on the team, and should be alright in the next 2 years, but right now someones got to score besides Spadafora. Arrow had an alright game offensively, but just got beat like a little kid on defense. After Clark blocked 2 shots early in the game, Wood didn't want any parts of the lane for the rest of the day. They got to get another solid scorer for this team to challenge.
    I got ripped by a few people this week for questioning about Kozole winning MVP, well i found someone better than him in Mike Spadafora. The kid is a legit talent and i think he's a better all around player than Kozole, a pure scorer with some excellent D. I heard he was good, but i was real impressed and think so far out of anyone in the North I've seen that could be MVP, he's up there with Holland from Egan and Clark from Dougherty.
    As for the Bin, it was a Sunday so I wasn't expecting anyone but myself to show up, but we actually got a few heads in there. Jim "Mama" Leahy put out a solid effort despite being called ugly by a Wood student sitting with my colleague Air Horn Guy, "Lil Mac" once again came through in the clutch with a give me a C... cheer, and one of the founding fathers of Sampson, Chris "Phoozeball" Jackson returned to the Bin after a serious vocal cord injury. Wood brought their Spad-O-Meter board to count up how much he scored, only too bad the one that matters in the end was the one with CD 67 Wood 52 on it.
    Next up for the Cardinals, the baby blue schmucks from the Northeast come to the ghetto for a war. Judge handed the Cards their only league loss in a nailbiter AT Judge, the key word there is AT. How often has CD been held under 40 points all year? Once, by Judge, otherwise they are averaging over 60 points a game in the league. I don't see it happening again, Shane Clark is a house on fire, Ike or Smink can drop 15-20 at any time, Bilal "Mushmouth" Benn shut down Haigh the first time and can do it again, and DeSean will tip the big man balance for good. The Bin will be packed with only the rowdiest people Dougherty has to offer and it will be a great game, but i have to go with Dougherty 61-49. Nuff said.

JAN. 18
CATHOLIC NORTH
Dougherty 62, Ryan 46
            All week long I heard about how good Ryan is and how they are going to run the North this year after beating Judge. Didn’t see any of that out on the court though as Dougherty obliterated them with a 24-8 first quarter run en route to a 16-point romp. There was no real story here except that Ryan was simply outplayed by a CD team that is starting to find its groove. There is no better big man in the Northern Division this year than Shane Clark (21 pts, 9 rebs, 6 blocks) who did pretty much whatever he wanted all night long. Ike “Whitey” Green outscored the whole Ryan team in the first quarter while finishing with 15 pts, 2 blocks, and 4 rebs. They rest of Dougherty’s offense was provided by Bilal “Mushmouth” Benn (7pts, 6 rebs), Timmy “Deaf Kid” Smink (10 pts, 2 blocks) and Skip Matysik, who leads the Cards in off the bench scoring with 2 ppg.
            As for Ryan, they didn’t do much on offense or defense, which is pretty much the reason they got mangled by a much more talented Dougherty squad. The two “stars” of their team, Andy MacDonald (8 pts) and Chris “Tube Socks” Kozole (9 pts) are either really over rated or just had the worst nights of their careers as far as shooting goes. The secret to shutting this team down is to get on MacDonald. When he got frustrated early after Clark blocked two of his shots in a row, he tried to win the game himself and isn’t good enough to do that. As far as Kozole goes, he’s Jason Williams with hair, good handle but terrible shot selection.
            This week the Looney Bin’s service wasn’t really needed; game was never close enough. We could have started the “Its all over” or “Start the bus” after about 5 minutes so we tried out some freshmen prospects that may have a future in the Bin. Some hopefuls include Jerry “2 Tall” Abernethy and Dennis “Don’t call me peaches” Smith who got a real chance of turning into lovable loudmouths such as myself. Best part of the night was a pre-game encounter with a parent who actually had the guts to invade the Bin and try to silence our voice. Thanks to the assistance of Tennis Coach Joe, a fight was narrowly avoided.
            Note from Dan: Dougherty crushed McDevitt on Sunday, 57-36 in a game I couldn’t attend for personal reasons. CD is now 5-1 in the league and up next on the schedule is North Catholic. North puts up as many 3-balls a night as Sparky puts away burgers and they don’t make most of them, Dougherty wins in a slobernocker 72-41.

JAN. 14
CATHOLIC NORTH
Dougherty 69, Conwell-Egan 51
This one was closer than the score reflects. Dougherty was coming off a frustrating loss to Judge and the house was packed for the retirement of #12 Cuttino "Cat" Mobley's number. After all the festivities ended, though, a battle erupted out of the court with many lead changes and fast-paced play by both sides. Dougherty was led by a trio of players including: Shane Clark (21 pts, 9 rebs, 4 blocks), Isaac Greer (11 pts, 6 rebs, 5 assists) and Bilal "Mushmouth" Benn (14 pts, 8 rebs, 3 blocks) while Egan was powered solely by Andrew Holland, who was the only Eagle to score more than 6 points while pouring in a game high 30. The Cards looked better than they did against Judge, where the team couldn't decide who would score while DeSean White (18.7 PPG) sat out with a broken wrist suffered during a 70-50 thrashing of Wood. Despite being up by only 5 at half time, the game was over by the end of the 3rd quarter when Dougherty finally began playing like it wanted to win.
Slowly but steadily the Looney Bin is becoming a force once again in the Northern Division. Though it still isn't getting packed every game, the Bin once again can be a major distraction to the visiting teams. An all around Looney Bin effort was given by such Dougherty legends as Jim "Mama" Leahy, Sean "Fonzie" McGovern, "Skinny" John McElveny, Sampson the Traffic Cone, and JV superstar Chris Cane. Fear the Bin, for we have fat kids who aren't afraid to hide it. As promised, we made sure to own a player from the other team, this week's victim was Joe "The Hobbit" Lamina, who was ineffective all game and probably cried himself to sleep last night. (Note from Ted: He doesn't look to score. That's not his thing.) The one disappointment of the night was the fact that neither Ted or Amauro would grace the Bin with their presence. (Another note from Ted: But our pictures made it into the Daily News -- smile).
Next up for the Cards is Ryan, whose 3-1 league record ties with Dougherty for first. Should be a great early season game, but I see Dougherty pulling away late again. Final Score CD romps 56-47 with Ike pouring in at least 20.